Cover story

Googling " gross details about poop"

lololol

Thank you all for your feedback... 

It is pretty sad that I must lie.... I have chosen to be honest with those that would ultimately support my decision to have WLS.  I still can't believe that some people just want to talk you out of it.  

I am proud of my decision to move forward and make a real life style change.  This is definitely not something that I decided to do on a whim.

I think the colonoscopy idea is brilliant.  Love it!  

Thanks again 

Mahalo

A side tangent.

But why must you lie?

I have made a point to be very open with what I have done.  I own it and have answered many people's questions.  Most are curious.

When you drop, and fast, in size what do you think these people will think?  If you tell them oh you just changed your eating habits and exercise more they will likely believe you.  Which ends up being a disservice to other large people.  These people might tell a friend considering WLS that they knew someone who dropped 150 pounds just be eating less and moving more!

I think part of the stigma is that many people who have the surgery don't tell people.  So it gives the impression that fast and fairly permanent weight loss is just a matter of some minor changes.  Which we know is not the truth.  This makes people more likely to look down on WLS as cheating or the easy way out.

Unlike other medical procedures where no one will really know or can tell it happened.  People ARE going to notice if you drop 100 pounds in 9 months lol.  

Just my 2c.

I understand your point but do not necessarily agree. I think it is up to you and your privacy how and if and when you tell people.  It is great that you are very open but not all people are like this and many do not want people in their personal medical business OR feel like they need to EXPLAIN ANYTHING to anyone.

If you are happy sharing though I'm happy for you.

Thank you for comment...  

I have chosen to tell my 8 of closest friends & immediate family. 

I chose to tell people who I knew would support me.

These are the friends that supported me after the sudden loss of my husband.  These are the people who want what is best for me.  These were the people who helped me pick up and pieces. They are the glue that helped keep me together.  They are the people who made me strong enough to raise my three young children. 

I don't want to justify my decision to anyone.  People who are often lean have strong opinions about weight loss.          I am too close to my RNY to have negative karma surround me.              I especially don't need anyone to tell me I took the easy way out or what were you thinking?  

My RNY is in 6 days 

I will choose who I tell. Quite honestly,  I too believe it is no one business.  I don't want to be the person that everyone talks about.  

NB I am a true believer in WLS & I have encouraged my friends who are struggling with weighloss.                                        will be their inspiration 

Thank you once again

Mahalo

I openly tell people about my surgery if there is a reason, but never felt a need to advertise it. I don't talk about it on FB but many people do... But there is also timing- those you tell before because you are close and important to you, and those you may tell after and along the way for other reasons....

I, too, chose to only tell a handful of people - mostly family and close friends.  I've also shared my story with a few obese people who have asked how I  lost the weight.  Otherwise, my medical information is no one's business, and it's my information to share only if I want to.   

People who have never struggled with their weight seem to believe the diet & exercise story even though anyone who's been severely obese probably suspects it's a bunch of schlock.  Which is why I tend to be more open with them.  But I don't want the world knowing my business.  I don't tell people about my other medical procedures, either.  It's really a personal decision to tell or not to tell.  Some people are fine with being open - and that's OK.  And some aren't - and that's OK, too.

I get everyone's decision is personal.  And not everyone wants to or cares to make a change in others or for others.. but

"People who have never struggled with their weight seem to believe the diet & exercise story even though anyone who's been severely obese probably suspects it's a bunch of schlock."

And if people don't speak out about the need, their struggles etc  These people will never change and the stigma, and the 'shame' of not being able to lose weight with just a bit of will power will stay.

Sure it is Ok to not share. I just wanted to post why I think it is important to share.  Most of us on this forum have discussed the shaming, the resistance to the idea of WLS, the why don't you just eat less mentality.  Not sharing might save you some time or a few comments (and of course that is your right)  But it won't make anything better.

Just like any other social issue, if those with the issue hide what they go through then the public can continue to keep believing wrong and harmful stereotypes.

SOOO many people after asking me questions leave with a lot of respect and a better understanding of what WLS people go through and breaking some 'fat people' stereotypes.

So my question was if you can make a difference why not?  If you want to say simply because it is 'my right' Sure but that doesn't further the conversation.  (ie if someone said it would cause me a lot of anxiety, or I would worry about X consequence, that I can respect.)

This isn't like most other medical issues.  Just look at people coming forward to discuss mental illness.  Hiding it has made it worse for people who suffer from it as the stereotypes are harmful (just like obesity).  There is no need to discuss what going through cancer is like.. everyone knows it is horrible and people don't shame you for having it or getting it treated.  Same with the vast majority of medical issues.  So discussion about it isn't warranted.

yes - a good analogy is mental illness.  Also AIDS or having had an abortion.  All carry a stigma.  And I get that as long as people don't talk about it, the stigma is perpetuated.  But a lot of people just aren't comfortable admitting that they had any of those.   They're worried about being judged by people who don't understand.  I applaud those who are open about it - but I suspect they're in the minority.

Not everyone is in the place that they are personally able to advocate for a cause, even a cause they are represented by.  This is an important concept in social justice to remember.  No marginalized person OWES anyone anything for being marginalize.  Advocacy is not the birthright of the oppressed.

I am very out about my RNY, being Queer, being the mother of a transgender son, a gender non conforming child, and a lesbian daughter, being a feminist, and an alternative sexuality community member. I teach nation wide about all of these things, am an active contributor to the conversations and all of that is a significant part of my life. I march in Pride, I go the fund raisers at the Leather bars, I speak in uncomfortable places to people I really wish I could walk away from, I publish about my journey and I like to think of myself as an advocate though I often feel nothing I do is enough.

But to be sure....that is all because I am in a place to be able to do these things.  Emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and personally.  I recognize my privilege in these things and am grateful that I can speak up. My kids are old enough now I don't worry about them being taken away by some crazy conservative CPS action, my job is very stable and my HR department has rules protecting me from discrimination, my biological family members are all either dead or know all about who I am so I have no ties that could be severed. I have the ability to stand in these spaces and speak.

Many of our friends here online and in person are not able to do that type of work.  Their emotional, mental, physical health are simply not such that this added stress would be an option.

More importantly, some might simply not want to do that.

None of us who has walked the journey of being obese (or any other marginalizing trait) should feel we must disclose anything we don't want to disclose to anyone. Many of us have already given away and/or had taken from us much of ourselves through our life...if I choose to keep this my private self that would be my right.  I owe no one anything. I am worthy enough without sacrifice. Each of us is.

I would caution you that your post verges on the "accusing" tone that would solicit guilt as opposed to the "inspiring call to action" tone that I think you likely meant. Just my two cents.

Sincerely,

~Elizabeth the Out