Talking it out

ahh-- family, they can drive you batty. So I'd posted today to the menu thread how this weekend I chose to indulge in some Christmas cookies, albeit that my stomach didn't agree with my mind's decision. Tonight there were two left and they started their caniving call. I fought hard, ate my protein forward dinner- debated making tonight gym night ... but the sweet serenity of having nothing  to do and no one else home won. 

Cue a call from my sister-- we speak daily. She's well aware of my surgery, progress restrictions etc. I was munching on a cookie as we spoke. She tells me she thinks I'm losing my battle with the healthy eating and likened me to a heroin addict. I know she was speaking in jest to a small degree-- but mostly speaking her mind.  Boy if I wasn't on a slippery slope before her comment I Certainly would be after! I'm confident in where I am and my effort. But when the people who know you best make sweeping comments such as these you second guess yourself. Nothing I said would have satisfied her- so I left it alone. When you share having this surgery with people, you leave yourself open to their analysis of your progress, effort etc. you have to be of independent determination to not let their perspectives sway you. 

I know my holiday indulgences are over...I'd gag at the idea of another cookie or piece of candy. Our Christmas dinner is planned-- I'm more looking forward to relaxing at home than anything else. 

We do have to be our own cheerleader sometimes.

I love my Mom, BUT she always says to me, If you lose this weight don't gain it back!  She would really be better to not say anything!

I think we can only do the absolute best we can with this. to me it is worse than a heroine addict. WE HAVE to put food in our mouths to survive whereas heroine is different. the compulsion is the same though to me.

I think you can't eat perfectly for the rest of your life. but there is a thin line like the vets say- if your weight is going up, then it is time to reevaluate and maybe even see a therapist. I'm not just talking about you but myself in general as I seem to have an issue with this damn fudge I made.

Id say that for me, Heroin Addict is spot on - addiction is addiction  - plain and simple. I wouldn't have gotten to 245 pounds if I had stopped eating when I had eaten enough or stuck with one glass of wine.

So for the rest of my life I plan to argue with myself over the stuff I DONT need and hopefully I will win and keep myself from eating and drinking garbage. The surgery helps tremendously but it will help less as time goes on. The minute I forget I have an addiction though I probably will lose the battle.

It is well worth it though. I am loving being at 180 - cant wait until 150 or so!!

Ceci

I am so glad for the restriction of the pouch.  although I do have trouble with grazing, when I am inclined to overeat at meals--to take an extra helping, or to nibble on the leftovers in the casserole dish--or if I have filled my plate with too much food--there really is a point at where it makes me sick to eat more.  This helps me keep in check at least that part of my backsliding.

I really hear you on the relative thing!  I often feel, in extended gatherings, that others might be evaluating my eating.  At a lunch with my sister, I ordered a steak salad.  I asked for very little lettuce, but the guy made it anyway with a lot.  I did not eat the lettuce, and my sister was laughing at how my "healthy" eating did not include lettuce.

Have to be confident.  HAve to be mindful.

142 pounds lost is definitely not "losing the battle".  The judgement of others will always be there. I am pre surgery and the people I have told are always watching what I put in my mouth. Ignore her. Know that you have the tools to continue your success. 

I definitely feel like a "crack addict" and would agree 100% if anyone compared me to one.

This battle is forever and it's a hard one.

You seem like a great success to me. I'm only so many weeks out, but I have already learned that if I prepare the sugary-goodness-crack sweets myself for other people to enjoy, I want them far less. I've filled that part of me that wants to indulge by creating for others. Maybe it will work for you too!

I think the one that gets me most is when my Guy (who I adore) raises an eyebrow at me for eating something off plan (usually something like a handful of pretzels or Triskets) and says, "Are you sure that is a good idea?" while his mouth is full of Oreos, pie filling (straight from the can to the bowl to his maw), or chicken fried steak. I know that what he is trying to do is be supportive and encouraging but I swear it makes me want to throat punch him and eat a cake.

~E