Spousal Support?

My husband (of 10 years) asked me yesterday if I will still want to hang out at home with he and our 5yr old son post-surgery.  We are homebodies - and by this I mean that our favorite ways to relax are often just hanging out at home, watching movies or playing video games.  We're certainly capable of going out and we sometimes do, but given our druthers we'd far rather stay in.  We're both introverts and I think he's a little concerned that I'm suddenly going to want to spend all my time out of the house.   

When I was banded the only thing that really changed was my eating and exercise habits, I still enjoyed the same things I always did...so I'm really not worried about that aspect, but I understand that he is trying to mentally prepare himself for what to expect so he can support me however I need going forward.  As I prep for revision I've made sure to include him in my appointments, especially with my RD so he gets a good understanding of the kinds of dietary changes that will be happening in our house.   

So my question for you guys is - I know that WLS is a huge change for not just us but for our family and friends.  Do we have a place for spouses to read/post/share?  Is the WLS Spouse forum the best place or do we have people who post here in the RNY forum?  

Hope this makes sense - I'm only a couple sips into my morning coffee 

The spouse forum doesn't seem to be very active on here. I hope some of the vets have advice.

im still early days, so I don't have much to add, and take what I say as the naive advice of a 3 month post op baby haha, except to say I have the same concerns, I have a good relationship and don't want that to change.

But even if you didn't have wls, the expectation of everything being the same always isn't very realistic. People are always growing and taking on new interests or pursuits, or career changes etc. For me, a healthy relationship is one that evolves and adapts to it.

The behaviourist at my clinic advised me to do a lot of the things you are doing, like talking about the surgery, including him in the process, so there aren't as many surprises, making sure he knows the reason you want surgery , I.e. Health benefits, long life with him etc., so I think you're on the right track!

But she also said I need to acknowledge that I'm the one changing the dynamics of our relationship and changing things in his life, that he didn't ask for. So there mostly likely be times of tension and resentment, even in the most supportive of spouses. She suggested we talk about it before it happens, acknowledge that some things might change, but x core things won't.

As an example, our dates often included alcohol and unhealthy food. I wanted him to take the lead in coming up with some alternative activities we could do together. That way, it was his idea and not me just changing things. Be careful though, I just found myself agreeing to join a volleyball team with him haha. 

Yeah - I took a look at the spouse forum last night and it didn't look very active.   My hubby and I were friends for years before we dated and got married - he's always been my #1 fan and support system.   That being said - I worry that he doesn't fully understand the best ways to support me and I'm trying to find the best ways to prep him!   Having been married for 10+ years now, I know he does better if I directly tell him what I need rather than expecting him to guess at it.

Being banded was a big change, but definitely not the same as going through an RNY.  Post banding there were foods to avoid, and habits to follow but it wasn't as big as re-routing my vittles for malabsorption.   I told him that what I'd really like is for him to read these forums, read the good - the bad - the ugly, because perhaps it will help him start to understand that this is going to have an enormous impact on our life together.   I feel that his support is going to be an integral part of me achieving greater success than I did with the band.

I should note that he's not a big guy - he's probably 25-30lbs heavier than he should be for his frame, he's been lifting weights and is able to be far more active than I am (I'm super excited about being able to keep up with him in the future...and with our son too!).  I'd like to be able to lift with him, and we've discussed turning our garage into a personal gym for us in the coming months.

So yeah....I'm not really worried that I'm going to suddenly wake up and want to ditch him, I just want all ducks in a row in my support system so I can hit the ground running (well once some of the weight comes off and my knees aren't crying anyways)

Love the idea of lifting together! 

Him talking to you is major. Meaning be glad he asked you. I would just take it one day at a time. Keep talking. Don't overthink things.

If he comes here as a spouse with genuine questions, he'll be welcomed and advice/facts given.  The only time he'll get a flea in his ear is if he comes here and wants to police your weightloss - you're eating too much/the wrong thing etc - and yes we have had partners wanting us to help them tell you what to do!!!!

He can make an account and use the search function if he has any questions, I'll bet there is nothing that hasn't been asked and answered.   

 In my experience, we bore our partners into submission very quickly.   Don't get upset if he starts glazing over after a while - this is what OH is for - think of it like a relationship saviour 

Hahaha totally! I save all my wls nerding out for you guys! My hubby and family don't need to hear about the slight fluctuations in my losses compared to how many grams of protein I averaged over the week!

My wife has been very supportive- going with me to support meetings, joining me in my swim class,  listening to my fears and joys. She as well verbalizes her fears and joys. I do have much more energy and am more active than ever. I am the extrovert, she the introvert. I make suggestions for things to do and either she joins me or not. But that has been our relationship-interdependent. She suggests and I say yes or no. Going alone to events has always been ok with us. There are days she runs around and I am home hanging out in my pajamas

she is now getting worried that I am losing too much. She keeps asking when I will be increasing my calories.

i think this will be a continual discussion until my body figures out its comfort level. 

My DH has been amazing with his support. We are very much homebodies and don't do much but he's been very involved since the beginning in terms of how we eat and what I can and cannot eat. We talked about how things would change and I told him he is always welcome to talk to me about this stuff because I know this affects him so so much too. And I didn't ask him to change how he eats at all - if he wants to that's great, but this is about ME getting healthy. I don't want to force anything on him.

I do save most of my WLS stuff for here though at this point. Early on I'm sure I talked about it non stop to him but now he doesn't need to hear it constantly. Now we have everything down so we're both so used to this way of living that there's not much to discuss lol. 

I am probably lucky my DH does not feel the need nor want to to share anything with anybody.  Personally, one kind of spousal support I'd suggest is to pre-warn him to build tolerance for digestive issues that can occur post-WLS and thereafter.