Negative comments...
Scififiend above said this:
"I'm sorry that your friend isn't being supportive. I suspect that at least some of this is because she cares very much about you and is worried. Many people don't realize just how difficult this decision and process are. Truthfully, I was one of those people for many years. For many years, I thought that WLS surgery was for people with no self-control or who wanted the easy way out. I thought it was just for people who ate a lot. For those years, I didn't consider WLS as an option for me because I didn't want to be weak, I didn't want to take the easy way, and I didn't really eat that much (my volume wasn't excessive, but my choices were often poor, especially for someone with a wretched metabolism), so why would I need a smaller stomach? It wasn't until I started really looking at what was involved in WLS and the metabolic implications that I realized that this was EXACTLY what I needed to do."
ME TOO! That was me for so long. I had to face my own deep biases. That helped me understand better the biases that others also had. But, it also made me assume that lots of people harbored those biases. In truth, I am finding that so many people are NOT biased like I was. So many people are like "No judgement here." "I am so glad you have found something to help you." Or, "I know so many people who the surgery has helped."
I too am sorry that the people who should be most supportive of you are not those open people--sorry they are not supportive the way you want. But just like you have had to come to the decision, and it was hard for you, it is hard for them. My husband and my best friend were opposed and biased at first. However, as I shared the information from my bariatric surgeon's practice, and explained my thinking, they became supportive. Maybe not cheerleaders, but accepting.
I told my mother just a few weeks before. I announced that I was doing it and I had done my research and I did not want her to worry about me. She told my dad--she can always soften things for his ears.
I told a couple of other people just before, when it was very close to the surgical date. I did not want anyone to make me question myself beforehand.
Have the faith in your own decision. Perhaps just acknowleged the feelings of your friend and family members,without acquiescing what you feel in your own heart: "I know you are worried for me, and I am sorry to worry you. I know this surgery has risks. However, I think it is my path. I feel deeply that I need to do this. I hope you can be supportive, or at least accepting."
I wonder if we, as overweight people on the margins, seek approval so much that we are willing to give up our own needs. Don't give up this need. Take care of yourself. HAve the surgery. It is the right decision, and you have felt that. Trust yourself about yourself. You know you better than anyone else does.
Mahalo, I totally understand where you're coming from.
I am not going to tell my parents until the last possible minute, because my Mother freaks out over the smallest thing, and this is no small thing. My Dad would be supportive, but my Mom...no way. Also, she would be on the phone telling her brothers and friends and they'd all be gossiping about me with everyone they know.
My extended family has always been very concerned with weight, and everyone who gains or loses is fodder for gossip. When anyone in our family is overweight, the emphasis is always on how unhealthy or lazy they are, and how they need to lose weight. As soon as anyone does lose weight, they always talk about how terrible they look thin, how old their faces look, and how they looked better fat (their words). There is no winning with them; nothing is ever good enough. My uncles are the worst; they are all big themselves, but they judge everyone else who is bigger very harshly. They aren't bad people; they just all have too much time on their hands and love to gossip.
I will tell my parents about the surgery after Christmas, just before I go for my pre-surgery appointment. Then my Mom will tell everyone else, even if I ask her to keep it private. I dread that but I'll just have to deal with it.
Two of my friends in town have already had the surgery and are happy to answer all of my questions. My ex sister in law has been hugely supportive and I wouldn't be able to do this without her.
55 days until my surgery :-).
Kathy
Have faith in your decision. I told very few people...my family, two friends at work that I trust completely, and two sets of neighbors that we are very close to. I did not want people telling me why it was a bad idea. I was at the point that the risks of not having the surgery outweighed the risks of having the surgery. It is the best decision I ever made. I only wish I had done it years ago.
Cory
5'7" Starting Weight: 305
Current Weight: 145
I did my research -without surgery, only 3-5% of people can keep off a significant amount of weight. At 57 and after losing and gaining 100 pounds back twice and 50 pounds off and back on countless times, I had to admit that I was not one of the lucky 3-5% who was going to keep if off on my own. You know yourself. If you are not one of the lucky few, your options are not many - yo-yo for the rest of your life, just keep gaining 5-10 pounds a year (what usually happens to MO people), or try WLS. **** on those who do not know the stats or the science but still try to influence people out of life saving surgery. Yes, there is a .5% mortality, and I made my will, picked really good surgeon, and then took my chances.
I told my mother I was having gall bladder surgery - it has similar risk, It would not have been fair for me to have trouble (which I did not) and she didn't even know I was having surgery. Although it was scheduled for Monday, I told her I was having it on Tuesday and they called me a 5am to come in for Monday, so my niece called her Monday afternoon to tell it was over and went well. So she didn't even have time to worry.
Only 7 people knew I was having it - one person already had it, a second was the support person for the friend that already had it, and the rest were family members who helped me in the first days after surgery, and one person at work who would have noticed anyway. I was not sure that it would work for me and I did not need to be a public failure.
All of this can help you get clear on why you are having it and what you hope to accomplish - BP, cholesterol, diabetes, knee and back problems, as well as weight and size.
Sharon 
