Negative comments...

Hello everyone....

I have never been a fan of the word OBESE...

I have always hated seeing it on medical reports and referral letters from my specialists that I have seen.

I especially find it hard when I am asked if I have thought about losing weight.

When you are over weight?   You are constantly thinking about losing weight.  I could think of many reasons of why I want to lose weight.

I have not made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery lightly.  I have spent many years thinking about it.

I have not told too many people that I am having the gastric bypass surgery because I find people try to talk you out of it.

I have told my siblings & 6 of my best friends.  I have decided not to tell my mom & mother in law because they are crazy worriers and quite honestly I don't want them to try and talk me out of it.

I have been reluctant to tell one of my best friends who lives aross the street.  She has been against the RNY.  I have continued my journey.  I haven't felt comfortable keeping my surgery from her.  So today I decided to tell her and as expected, she tried to get me to cancel the surgery.

She went on about how I can do this without the surgery.

She went on and on about all the things that could go wrong. 

Told me that I was taking the easy way out.  I quickly told her that there is nothing easy about having gastric bypass surgery and that I have decided to move forward.

I am disappointed and frustrated... I hate that I have to lie to my mother & mother-in-law... They were a disaster when I went in for ankle surgery.  They behaved like I was going in for open heart surgery.  So I have decided to tell them that I am having bladder surgery until after the surgery.  I will then come clean when I am at home.  They are a huge support system and I am not proud of the little white lie.  

BUT now I am finding that my friend put the seeds of doubt in my mind.  Finding myself stressed and anxious...

What are your thoughts ???  

28 days for my RNY....

Mahalo

I'm sorry your best friend wasn't as supportive as you would like.   When I was banded I hardly told anyone - just my husband, a few of my family members and just one friend knew about it.  Like you, I didn't want the negative comments....I already felt like enough of a failure having gotten as large as I was, I just didn't want the extra the judgement y'know?  In retrospect I think it was the wrong way to go about it for me....I needed more people on my team to cheer me on.

This time, as I prepare for my revision to RNY, I find that I am much more open and vocal about it.  I'm doing this for me, not for them - and while their concern is noted and appreciated (because I know underneath its because they care and worry), in the end this is a GOOD thing!  Every single person I've told so far has been supportive, and I've done my best to answer any questions they have.   My mom is probably the most concerned, but not because she doesn't want me to have it, just because I'm her child and moms worry...I've got a son now so I totally get it!

Can you maybe sit down with your mom and mother-in-law and come clean before the surgery, maybe say that your mind is made up to do this with or without their support but that you genuinely want them to be a part of your journey because support is key to success?  Maybe something similar would work with your friend?   It wasn't until I bluntly told my siblings and mom to stop mentioning their concern for my weight (because HELLO I can look in the mirror) that they realized their comments were doing more harm than good, even if it was coming from a place of love.

Thank you for sharing your experience...

It was very much appreciated...

Thank you 

Sandra

Mahalo

I am a former Lap-bander, I revised to bypass in September. I learned the hard way whom to tell and whom to hold back from the 1st time.  I held back from telling my parents for the same reasons you are holding back from your Mom and MIL. As for others, I told only those who would be supportive. Making the decision is hard enough without people trying to drag you down. You knew how your friend felt about RNY, so it's no surprise.

This is a huge decision and a life long change in food choices to be successful. It does take work and determination, but I think it's worth it!

Thank you for sharing your experience...

It was very much appreciated...

Thank you

Sandra

Mahalo  

Best wishes on your surgery. 

People hear stories...  everyone has a friend who has a hairstylist whose dog groomer died, gained it all back, can't eat anything anymore... etc. It's not the reality... WLS stats are awesome, inline with other surgeries... what's even better are the stats for resolving many life threatening comorbidities. 

If you care about their opinion... take them to your bariatric surgeons support group. They can ask questions and hopefully put their fears to ease. Have them read some of the blog posts on OH with people sharing NSVs and post op wow moments. Family usually come around (and often become post-ops themselves) after they see the health benefits you've gained and that life on the other side is pretty darn good.

I hope this helps: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2015/09/life- after-weight-loss-surgery-q-a_7.html 

Best, 

Thank you for sharing your experience...

It was very much appreciated...

Thank you

Sandra

Mahalo 

Don't second guess yourself!!  Until they have walked in our shoes they have no right to judge... I can understand concern for your well being but she needs to support you.  Just my thoughts...

You are right....

Thanks for taking the time to reply...

It was very much appreciated...

Thank you

Sandra

Mahalo. 

If you could have lost the weight without surgery, you would have.  We all would have.  You don't need to justify your decisions to anyone.  There is no need for doubt or anxiety... rather you should be feeling proud that you are finally putting yourself and your health first.

But I do have to point out this is major surgery with a small, but significant, risk for complications or worse.  Because of that, you probably owe it to your closest family members to give them a heads-up.

At that point, if they start to yammer on, walk away from them mid-sentence and go home.  Once you do that a few times, they will stop.

Audrey