Fear of slipping back into old habits

So, I am in the 3rd week of my new job.  I really like this job, I like the atmosphere, I like my co-workers and it makes me feel like I'm actually doing something.  It's pretty satisfying.

The problem I'm having is that there is an office culture of eating and food.  There are vending machines, people bring in cookies and treats.  Today the company had popcorn day where they popped bags of popcorn in the lunch room and gave them out mid afternoon.  Popcorn is my weakness, so I indulged.  BUT, I've been really bad lately.  My breakfasts have turned ultra carby, I've been eating chocolate, and I've kinda fallen back into eating badly because it's easier than cooking after working all day. I ordered chinese last night instead of cooking the fish I have in the fridge.  I don't eat the rice, but I did eat some crab rangoon, way too many of those suckers.  

I KNOW what I'm supposed to be doing.  I need to be better at planning so I don't have to struggle to eat properly.  My long commute makes it difficult to stay on track, especially when my hubby is travelling.  I didn't make coffee at home this morning because it seems silly to make a whole pot for the 1 cup I'd drink on the way to work. So I stopped at Tim Horton's both days because I want a coffee, but then I grab a bagel with cream cheese because it's there and I can.  I have Oatfit oatmeal at work, which is 100 calories and is appropriate for my breakfast, if not a little carby, but I chose the bagel over it both times.  

I'm posting this because I need to put it all out there and not let this cycle of bad eating continue.  I need the accountability that OH offers.  I know you guys get it and I know that you'll tell me to buck up and stop being weak.

Thanks for listening.  

It is a daily struggle.  Minute by minute.

For me this means I try to think only about the time in front of me not what is behind.  I cannot go back and un-eat that Cool Whip...or that Oreo...or that Bagel...or anything.  There is no rewind and there is no purpose in counting those against this moment. 

If guilty feelings about what I ate in the past would control my behavior and make me eat better in the future I would NEVER HAVE NEEDED RNY. I felt guilty for years...decades really. Guilt did nothing good for me.

I live in the moment and I make the best choices I can all the time.  Sometimes I can't make the best choice but I DO NOT let myself feel out of control like I did before. i've been on that ride and it sucks.

Right now...I am drinking black coffee.  Right now.... I am feeling fairly full from my Greek yogurt at lunch. Right now.... I have no plan for dinner but am looking forward to making good choices even if I am tired. Period.

No accounting of the past impacts this truth.

Ever forward. Ever forward.

You will be successful. Both of us will.  We have come so very far. Love you Sister.

~Elizabeth

I wish I could like this post 1000x.

This is truth.  

Deanna,

I haven't been at this long enough to even have any suggestions for you.

But I wanted you to know, that sometimes your posts are so insightful to me, and help me realize that this isn't all fun and games. I'm really sorry that you're off plan and feel like you're spiraling down again. But, I've read your posts long enough now to know that you will reign this in and get back up in the driver's seat! Getting it out there is the first (Great) step!

Go buy easy **** for dinner... I don't even know what you like, but things like precooked fajita meats, lunchmeat, canned chili... I don't know... but easy throw in the microwave, eat cold things so that you're not trying to be Superwoman (Or Captain America LOL). Get your little one easy stuff too that you don't have to think about too hard. 

You aren't being a bad mom if you don't cook each night... in the long run, as long as you throw some healthy stuff their way (mixed with some yummy kid crap), they'll be OK!

You have it hard with your hubby travelling so much, be easy on yourself 

The 'office food culture' really steps up a few degrees this time of the year too! I just saw a food basket heading to the kitchen... I won't be going that way for the rest of the day! LOL

I feel for you because I know exactly what you are going through! We have a popcorn machine with constant fresh popcorn for our customers. We have a couple of vending machines. We have a potluck breakfast & cake and ice cream once a month for birthdays. We have vendors bring breakfast or cookies or take groups to lunch weekly. EVERY DAY is a struggle!! You have to get in that mindset YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LET YOURSELF FAIL! You have come way too far! We are here for you!   Get on the daily menu thread and post what you are going to eat and stay with it. You can even vent to us about what you are not going to eat or what you had to pass up. Sometimes it makes me feel better.

Venting is good!

From a pre-op who is following the thread and storing the info for future. 

I am so sorry you are struggling Deanna.  This **** is hard, and I don't think it gets easier.  As Elizabeth said, this is a one meal at a time journey.  I live alone, so I get that relutance to cook or make a pot of coffee.  I also work a lot of hours, and sit on three BODs, so I generally have appointments and meetings after work.  It is a rare night that I get home before 7:30 - 8:30.  

It would be so much easier to grab something on the way home.  I did that for years, and it almost destroyed me.  I care too much about me to treat myself like that any longer.  So I try to set myself up for success.  I tend to cook on the weekends for the week... chicken, steak, pork and other dense protein so all I have to do is heat it up.  I have nitrate free deli meat, Babybels, hard boiled eggs, string cheese and yogurt in the fridge, both at home and at work.  All of that helps me make good choices because it is so darned easy to do the right thing.  I also have a Nespresso machine, so I make one cup of coffee or espresso at a time.  I only make a pot of coffee on the weekend.  

Am I perfect?  God no!  But I do make good choices more often than bad ones.  Some days, that is all I can expect of myself.  Do not let this discourage you, and you are not helpless in this.  Forgive yourself for the past, and seize your power for the future.  Remember, one meal at a time and more good choices than bad ones.  We have your back!

Oh do I hear you...do I hear you!

I am 3 years out, and while NOWHERE near perfect, these are the things that work for me.

I plan.  I make a list before the store.  I make a list of what I am eating for each meal for each day.  So I know on Monday what I am eating M/T/W and even Th.  I may deviate from that if something comes up or something doesn't sound good or I decide to eat out, but I go into every shopping trip with a definite idea of what my meals are and I even account for leftovers.  I can usually fill in my MyFitnessPal the night BEFORE, and so even if my plans change, I know exactly what my calories and carbs and protein will be so I know how much wiggle room I have.  When I don't plan, I end up at Chipotle and eating chips, or I end up with Chick Fil A nuggets (and not the grilled ones), or I end up having a bagel.  And I have a Keurig so there is never not time to make a cup of coffee and grab one out (which will definitely tempt me into a drive-through with delicious food options). Now that you are back working, splurge on a Keurig and that will end your morning breakfast stops.  If I can start my day on a positive note, with a high protein and good choice, it sort of sets the tone for the day.

And believe me, it's not like I never have a bagel or something bad.  I just try to counter it with something good.  Lunch today was two chicken sausages with dijon mustard.  Very high in protein and on plan.  Did I need to put it on bread?  Nope.  But I did.  Like Elizabeth says, I am not going to feel bad about it or let it make my day spiral into "well I *** ed up so I may as well have ice cream for dinner".  Cuz like Maryann said, I care about me, my health, and my happiness, so I will continue to trudge through this ***** called maintenance and keep on keeping on!

You're not alone, so keep coming here for hand slaps, advice, and hugs.  I'm sorry you (like me) struggle to maintain.  I kinda sorta hate those people who have surgery and say they just never think about food again!  I think about food morning till night and it's just the blessing of my tool and a hell of a lot of willpower that will keep me from weighing over 300 lbs again!

You're not being weak, so get that thought out your head. Choices, good or bad is a lifelong thing. You just started a new job, a long commute etc & are learning new routines that you're just starting to get used to. You're gonna have to start being more picky & deciding what you will or won't do.

It's easy to give in to everything or deny yourself everything, it's a lot harder to pick & choose. Things like coffee if you can swing it buy yourself one of those mini Keurig machines & keep it at your desk & buy the pods, or buy a reusable pod & buy the bag. Then you can avoid the coffee shop altogether.

Popcorn your weakness & they had a popcorn day, yeah super hard to ignore. I don't know if you can satisfy yourself with a handful or if it'll trigger you to eat more carby food. Ya know the whole downward spiral thing. 

You know what to do, but making yourself to do it is something else. Some days you do, others you don't. Eventually you'll find what works for you.

It does suck when all of these ****ting habits come creeping back. I think after we lose weight we feel like we are cured. I think this year has been the hardest.

I see myself in the mirror and think I look great. So I sometimes just say F it and not follow my plan. I have been bad. Part I think is when I stopped drinking I started sneaking a cookie here and there. I am now stopping any eating at meetings. It has been hard. I try to think about all of the dirty ass hands that touch the cookies. I know weird but it does help. Or I bring a snack. 

Changing bad habits can be hard but they are doable. Changing things like places you went before surgery might be a good idea. I know with AA they say change people places and things. 

Just keep coming here for support.