Random thoughts

So this past weekend I spent with my sisters/niece/cousin who had VSG/Lap band. All have gained almost all their weight back. My sister told me she is pursuing revision... VSG to RNY. She doesn't follow the rules, so of course I worry about the risk of revision coupled with her not getting a handle on habits. :sigh: I shopped with them all this weekend too. I was in WTF mode all weekend... they either are in serious denial about how much weight they gained, or have no sense of fit. It's hard because I so looked up to their style when I as in my fat/frumpy busy Mom stage. Now I feel like they just gave up-- right down to makeup-- I learned from them and now it's like they never used a tube of lipstick before. I truly just want to see them happy- even if it's stylish & overweight. 

Then, hubby and I went out, took pics before we left. He posted the pic to FB and I got so many compliments. I intentionally didn't post the photo cause he was talking about how disgusted he was with himself and I know how I feel when a pic is posted that I don't feel good in. So now I cringe with every comment- wondering how he feels. 

then hubby has been on c-pap for a few months. He's grown tired of it and hadn't been using it like he should. They sent him a bill-- he threatened to send the machine back. I told him, great, so I can wake up next to a corpse one day. He got my point and started using it again. Now he said he's going to ask for another sleep study to see if things have improved so he doesn't need it. C-pap aren't corrective devices I don't think. I tried not to push the obvious in his face-- he's lost no weight or made no other changes to so significantly improve his health changes to think that it the sleep apnea has improved. It's his time he's gotta invest in the testing etc. I love him and it hard to watch him be so clueless about his health. 

Like I said-- random thoughts. 

My husband is having a sleep study done after Christmas. I'm sure he will be on cpap. I hve video tapes his apneic episodes. He badly needs to lose weight. He acts like an old man. But I know that it does no good to nag someone to lose weight. Didn't work for anyone to nag me! Ha! I'd totally support him having the surgery, but he's not there. He is a really big emotional eater, very much uses food to cope, to reward himself, and he doesn't want to give up the way he eats at this point. By the time I had surgery, I was willing to give up anything, you know? I'm hoping he gets there someday. 

Yup- I was so tired of eating crap and it making me feel bad that giving things up wasn't that hard. (Though instill long for crap) And I agree nagging won't help. My mothers nagging never helped me either...

Your description of your husband is my BF exactly, minus the going for a sleep test part. He desperately needs to but I don't see it ever happening. As far as making diet and exercise changes I've really been trying hard at the lead by example approach over talking too much about it but I truly have my doubts that he will ever commit to it for any length of time. He has made some improvements over the past few months but they never seem to last more than a few days and he's right back in the fridge.

Random thoughts are good... I've recently been experiencing some of the same feelings. My mom and my sister were always smaller than me and made me feel very uncomfortable or like I didn't fit in. Now they are both considerably heavier and trying to jump on board to the leggings trend that I have found myself in. They shouldn't...but I just smile, tell them I love the print, and move on. Also, my fiance has gained close to 40 pounds in the last couple of years. I have lost 100 and he has made it slightly difficult during the process with his constant abundance of pepsi and bad food. But again, I've done my best to ignore it and suggested that he workout and watch what he eats frequently. Last week he had a bit of a health scare and the doctor has sent him for tests. Don't get me wrong, he is still handsome and does not look obese but I can see how uncomfortable he is in his own skin. Here's to hoping they figure it out on their own and find the will power to take care of their health...silly men. 

Its really hard when you know you can help someone but know its not your place.  I am there right now with my Dad.  He was just diagnosed with a major heart condition he is SMO and the Cardiac Surgeon told him to clean up his eating, loose weight and to not lift a finger, no lifting whatsoever as it will be detrimental to the heart condition. So what does my Mom text me yesterday... "your Dad is not giving up his beer, I know those 24 cases of beer are heavy and he is not supposed to lift anything but he's not giving it up!" I just rolled my eyes a dozen or so times before I texted her back "ok Mom". I mean really parents???? Sigh...

I just wanted you to know you are not alone in your feelings & random thoughts.

We are all on this site because we took control of our health, so it is natural to want the same for our family and friends. Of course we all know that the individual has to come to that point themselves, but sometimes it is so hard to say nothing.  We just returned from visiting a friend who carries all his weight in his belly.  He has had 4 back surgeries and is still in pain. He also has diabetes which may require injections soon and severe sleep apnea.  We would love to see him do something about his weight - the back pain should motivate him (shouldn't it?), but his wife says he would never consider WLS.

I was a member of Ala-non for many years due to an ex-husband's drinking. I learned a lot of coping techniques but the most important two were these:

1. You are not responsible for other people's decisions (even if they try to tell you that you are).
2. You are responsible for your decisions (even if they try to tell you that you are not).

I'm not responsible for my current husband's decision to drink alcohol in copious amounts. I am responsible for deciding how I want to respond to the worry I feel for him. In this case, I do not purchase alcohol for him. If he wants beer, he has to buy it himself. And if he wants junk food, it comes out of his pocket and not mine. I will not even pick up a bag of chips for him if he hands me the cash. If he wants it that bad, he can go get the crap himself. I'm not nasty about it. I just say something like, "I love you and I can not, in good conscious contribute to hurting you."

I'm learning (I think this is an ongoing process) to allow people I love to be under the care of my higher power and not under my care. There are so many things I cannot control. I need to focus on what I can control and let my HP handle the rest even if I'm not personally pleased with my HP's process or progress.

Wow, that's great advise.