UPCOMING HOLIDAYS AND A BAD ATTITUDE

Well, folks, the holidays are approaching, and so is my RNY.  I'll be going under on the Monday after Thanksgiving.  So...I've had a lot of my "supportive" family call and ask how things are going, and I have been super excited to tell them that I finally have my surgery date!

Almost every single one of them have said things along the lines of, "Oh! Well good for you.  At least you'll be able to have a good big meal before you have to start your liquids." My surgeon only requires one day of liquids. I know they're not trying to non-supporters, but this to me is them trying to make an excuse on my behalf, and if I really wanted an excuse, I'd have one of my own!

To these people, I want to say, "No!  I don't want that big meal, and I'm not planning on eating anything that I shouldn't.  I've worked really hard to get to where I am, and I don't plan on screwing that up just because I'll be having a surgery to help me take the rest of the weight off."

My mother, even: "You'll miss Christmas dinner.  You'll still be on soups and stuff!  Are you sure?" Me: "Yep! I'm sure!"

Then, there's my husband, who is awesome, by the way: "Do we need to fix you something that you can eat and take it with us?" Me: "No! I can have a little turkey and a couple green beans, and I'll still be on track!"

Food is a huge part of my family's culture, it's what we do. We don't drink, don't do drugs, don't gamble. We eat. (on my mom's side anyway). So, it's no huge surprise to get the same sorts of comments. But eventually you just learn to let them go, smile and do what you do. It gets easier, but I don't know that the comments will ever go away. Part of it may be that your healthier eating habits will make a light shine even more on their unhealthy ones. I know for myself, when I went to dinner or lunch with thin friends pre-RNY I would feel self conscious. While I might order the pasta dish and eat the salad and breadsticks, they would order the salad.

My best advice?  

Don't alienate people who are doing or saying what they think is helpful/supportive.   Smile sweetly, say thank you and do what you were going to do all along ...

I have just been laughing it off and saying, "yeah, I guess you're right!" But in the back of my mind....I want to say it all!  That's why I came here...just to let it out to people whom I know would understand.

Alienating them is the last think I need to do, for sure.  They are all my cheerleaders, so I'm just taking it with a grain of....well, not exactly, but they don't know that! 

Don't think too far ahead. One thing I am learning not just with weight loss is when we think too far ahead we stress. 

One thing is nice about a cell phone is you don't have to answer it. I did and still do take stuff with me to parties. Not just something I can eat but something for everyone.

It does get easier as time goes on. 

Thank you for this!  I needed to hear the part about not thinking too far ahead.  I'm a super-duper-planner, so this is hard on me, but I can do it!

It is so hard not to be a control freak sometimes. I am one. It does get easier. Keep coming and posting for support. 

Having WLS can be very emotional. I know it was for me. 

Try to take one day at a time. I know that sounds easier than done. Just don't think so far into the future. 

They aren't trying to be rude; they don't understand, and that's okay. As Kim said, smile and nod and carry on. My DH still offers me a beverage with meals. I just decline. As long as we know and follow our plans, it doesn't matter if others are fuzzy on the details.

A word of caution on the turkey: I had some at two and a half months out, it was too dry, and it didn't go well. Make sure it's moist and chew the daylights out of it if you eat it.

I know they aren't trying to be rude.  I'm trying really hard to not take it that way, and I've been nice about it all, even though I just want to tell them what's on my mind.  I struggle with wanting to tell everyone what is on my mind most of the time, but I think it through before I say anything at all.  I'm a peace-keeper, and I like for everyone to be happy.  I'm staying (for the most part) happy because I have been given a second chance.

I am going to try the turkey, but only because it's going to be smoked and my husband is cooking it.  I'll be a few days pre-op for Thanksgiving.  (RNY on 11/28)

Aww they don't get it... they will see how you live your new life changes and I think in future years you'll have less to explain. Most people think weight loss surgery = the end of good food... and that is just not the case... in fact I believe it's better. I am more thoughtful in what I consume given my limited real estate and really savor it. Hope these help a bit... http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2013/11/eggfa ces-10-tips-for-surviving-holidays.html 

Best wishes on your surgery!!