What made surgery different?

Thank you Michelle!

I am still amazed after all these years that I have managed to not be overweight or obese for nearly 6 years.  That never happened in my world.  I have lost 100s of pounds over the years and regains even more.  I don't think I ever stayed the same size over any period of time in my life.

The big things for me are the physical changes.  I no longer get the blinding hunger that plagued me all my life.  It was like I could be a normal person but once I got hungry I was like a junky.  I had to eat and I had to eat now!  When I was hungry nothing else mattered and I couldn't think of anything else other than eating.

I became so afraid of being hungry that I ate constantly to avoid it.  It was common for me to stop at a drive thru on my way home to get something to eat to hold me over until dinner time.  My whole life revolved around eating.  If I were to go somewhere where food wasn't assessable for a long time I could not do it.  

There is someone who used to say that hunger isn't an emergency.  For me it was.

I also am satisfied with much smaller amounts of food.  To this day I cannot get a meal without looking at it and thinking "That will never be enough".  I have to promise myself that if it isn't enough I can get more.  Fortunately I never have had to do that.

I still shop like I weigh 240 lbs.  I am getting better but if you looked in my kitchen you would think I was feeding a family of adolescents.  I truly have enough food in my house to keep from going to the grocery store for a month or more.  I am starting to get better.  I have a habit of buying things that look good but when I get home I am never in the mood for it.  So it sits until I finally accept that I will never eat it and I donate it to a food bank.  

I actually forget what I have bought.  I have bought myself some sugar free ice cream and left it in the freezer for months until I am digging around for something and find it.  Before I was lucky if treats made it home.  I was usually eating those things on my way home.

I also get very sick if I eat sugar.  I wasn't planning on confirming whether or not I dumped and just go on the assumption that I did and avoid all sugar but after about 6 months I accidently ingested something that I thought was sugar free but wasn't.  That experience was enough to cause me to never want to try it again.

Some people are able to have a little sugar without dumping.  I don't even try because a little sugar is not even attractive to me.  I ate it by the shovelful before surgery so eating it in moderation doesn't appeal to me at all.

I have accidently had sugar a few more times over the years and each time it reminds me how much I don't want it.

I believe all those physical changes have been the reason I have maintained but I couldn't have done it if I hadn't worked on my food issues and continue to work on them.  I had WLS before and regained 100 lbs so I know that I can out eat the surgery.  I had negative consequences from eating sugar and carbs then, too, but it wasn't enough to get me to stop.  Once I get started I can't stop no matter what the consequences are so I don't test myself.

Another thing that helps is always being aware that if I don't keep up doing the things I do I can easily wind up back where I started and more.  I know I am not cured and I must stay on top of it or I can go backwards very easily.  I don't have "cheat" days or every day would be a cheat day.  I don't eat impulsively or play it by ear.  I have a plan and way of eating that works for me and getting off track could easily become permanent if I stray too far from it.

I never thought I could be a normal size for so long.  It still amazes me that I have clothes in my closet that I bought in 2011.  I don't outgrow things now, I wear them out.  I am still getting used to this and I don't know if I will ever accept this as my new normal.  I still feel like I am wearing a "thin" suit and my insides don't match my outsides.  After years of fighting obesity I just don't see myself as smaller but the truth is when I was obese I never saw myself that way, either.  

Tazz, you always have such wonderful, insightful answers. 

I feel the same way you do with the hunger. I never get that "Must have food NOW!" feeling-unless I'm dealing with an episode of RH, which I can completely avoid by making good food choices. 

Restriction is part of it. Not being able to eat mountains of food at one time helps. But it's only part of it. Maybe a small part.

This is technically bariatric and metabolic surgery. Years of obesity beat the crap out of our metabolism, and WLS can restore it, to some degree at least.

The surgery makes changes in our hormone and endocrine systems that they just don't fully understand. One way this is obvious is with diabetes. Many of us get home from the hospital and diabetes is in remission. Overnight. Just like someone flipped a switch. Other people wake up from surgery freezing cold, and stay that way. They have no idea why, but it is some internal chemical switch that gets thrown.

Some day they might be able to fix these things with a pill, or gene therapy, or something else, without cutting on us. But for now, the surgery can do some pretty magical things.

But, our heads can throw all those advantages out the window. Our heads lie to us -- tells us we are hungry when we aren't. Tells us we NEED more food, when we don't. It makes it so we still need to work really hard at this.

I'm one year in and still losing. It's hard to explain but there is none of the ongoing suffering with this. Every other method I tried (and there were a lot) I was always feeling deprived and usually really hungry. Some of this was head hunger, feeling stressed and feeling sorry for myself but because there was no actual restriction on how much I could eat and what I could eat, I ate the wrong stuff and a lot of it. Just smelling McDonald's food now makes me nauseous and I used to eat there at least once a week. I used to "reward" myself with food. I can be very happy with just a taste of something now and it doesn't become a trigger for more. The only thing I now I have to really watch myself on is pork rinds. Something about the salt and the crunch...

So, it's two things for me: not having real hunger except when I'm actually supposed to eat; like forgetting to eat lunch... and realizing at 2 p.m. that I feel kind of tired, and gee whiz, look at the time! Forgot to eat. Never in my life have I forgotten to eat a meal before! It's actually exciting for me when this happens. So, losing the physical addiction to food. I still have to guard against the mental addiction sometimes when I'm very stressed. My brain still wants me to comfort it with something in my mouth.

And the second thing is the restriction of the small pouch. I just physically cannot eat that much anymore. A cup of food makes me physically uncomfortable. Now, I know there are ways around this (like drinking liquid too soon after eating which flushes everything through to make room for more), but I don't want to do this because I don't want to gain the weight back. And if you graze all day, you never get full but you intake too many calories... most of the people I know who have regained tend to do this.

As far as maintenance... I'm not there yet... but the motivation to keep going and continue to follow the rules (what few there are), is my regained ability to do stuff! I can walk, I can go up a flight of stairs, my heart issues have all but disappeared, the pain in my knees, feet and ankles is gone! I can stand for hours and paint. I can garden again. I can KNEEL and get up again! And yes, I can wear cute clothing again although that's not that big a deal for me, personally. I do, however, really like that fact that clothing in general is much cheaper in size 12 than it is in size 24! And I know in my core that I am going to live longer. I had this lingering fear that my heart was going to just give out one day, but I sure would like to see my son's marry and have children.

Love that you feel this way in spite of your early complications. 

Thank you for all the amazing answers. I've already made up my mind but this reaffirms my decision.