What's on your Menu (Monday) today RNYers?

Hey Stacy!  

Long time no post, but I come do a "drive-by" here periodically to keep up with y'all and I just feel compelled to write :)  I am sorry you're in a tough place mentally, and you've had a go at this, what with being a sleever that transitioned to RNY.  I TOTALLY get your fears and have had them myself!  At almost 3 years post-op, and holding steady in the 160s, I can only tell you what has worked for me, and perhaps you can find one iota of helpful advice.

I was hardcore until I reached goal, which is when things started to creep back in (and I mean things like crackers, chips, ice cream, alcohol, taco shells - things I didn't TOUCH for a good year+.  Now, I peruse the menu thread and I can't even post what I eat since the days of eating 2-3 oz of meat are long gone for me, as my pouch has matured and I can eat larger quantities and more variety.  

So now that I can (and do) eat a wider variety of foods, and look (on the outside) normal, here is how I accept myself and stop the terrifying thoughts:

1. WEIGH myself everyday - no surprises here that the weight has crept on
2. Eat protein-forward and protein-first.  Sure I periodically eat potatoes or crackers or chips, but my meals are protein-forward (with those items on the side) 95% of the time
3. No drinking for 30+minutes after meals
4. At least 80 oz of water a day

One thing that has helped me immensely is that I recently moved in with my boyfriend who is a normal weight, and he doesn't diet.  He eats candy, he eats chips, he drinks soda.  But his meals are protein forward and NORMAL sized.  So he's a great role model for me to see that normal sized people can eat a taco and not gain 100 lbs.  Normal people eat treats, and if I look at what made me super morbidly obese, it was excessive quantities of food, high in carbs.  It was that old saying "calories in, calories out".  So now if I follow what my bf eats and ensure that I am eating protein forward and getting my fluids, then (for me at least) it's ok to sometimes have some candy or a taco or some chips or a small ice cream.  It's hard to not let a small ice cream once a week not turn into "going off the rails" and just eating eating eating, but by using a normal person's meal plan as a guide, I see that I can maintain my weight - WITH DAILY WEIGHING. Another poster agreed, that skinny people don't generally live on lettuce and water...everyone has the occasional snack or splurge.  It's when they turn into far more than occasional, or when we bury our head in the sand and don't notice 20 lbs creep on, that we will run into issues.

I must say I do have trigger foods, and pasta is that for me, so I just generally avoid that entirely.  (and rice and quinoa and falafel make me projectile vomit so I certainly avoid those entirely too lol)

I have to reiterate that this works for ME, and may not work for everyone. I am not saying this is what you should do, but rather, what is working for me.  

I hope you find a way to accept you as you are - you are a butt-kicking, race-running, hard-working woman who has taken your health into your own hands, and I think you will be successful if you find a way to believe in yourself that you won't screw this up, while taking the measures to be successful.  Awareness is key, and you appear to be self-aware enough to rock this thing called life!  Hugs!

Thank you for responding.  I do everything you say.  I guess my problem is I don't think I can ever view myself as a normal person.  I think if I start to allow indulgences back, I will be heading over the edge like an out of control freight train, and that scares me.  Part of my problem, and the "fatigue" I'm feeling is due, in part, to my revision surgery.  I was required to start from scratch, as far as food progression goes, and I've had a really bad case of lactose intolerance which has really limited my food choices.  I'm just burned out and tired of  eating the same food every day.  It was a bad day yesterday, and I feel grateful to the friends who were around to listen to me and talk me down from the ledge.  I've also emailed my doctor to see if he has any words of wisdom.

Getting it out there has also made me feel better, and just a tad less crazy.  I love that I can pose questions like this, and have you all respond with different things that work for YOU so I can try and incorporate them into my lifestyle.  You all truly are the best support system around.

Ugh yeah, if I had to go back to a post-op diet again, I would be fatigued too!  I have been doing a lot of new recipes lately now that I cook for my boyfriend (and on the weekends, his kids!).  So lately I have tried (or am about to try) PF Changs lettuce wraps, turkey chili, bbq pulled turkey in a crockpot, pesto salmon, lemon and dill chilean sea bass, and cheesy chicken enchiladas.  The enchiladas are the only thing with cheese (and sour cream!) but the others you could try?  I simply google "easy dinner recipes" or "easy slow cooker recipes" and browse through and make new stuff.  I still have my old standbys like AmyLou andouille chicken sausage from Costco, parmesan chicken lollipops from Trader Joes, and salad with deli meat and cheese.  But now that others rely on me for meals, I figure I can't eat the same exact thing six meals in a row or there would be a riot ;)

There are a boatload of us who are here to talk you off the ledge so come ask for an ear anytime!

And for the record, I think a little bit of fear is healthy.  I do think that if we fool ourselves into thinking "100 lbs gone forever, I got this!" we are fooling ourselves.  We were MORBIDLY OBESE and we have to work harder than a normal person to not go back there!

Those recipes sound really complicated. Might be easier to just eat those kids.

Emily!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for taking the time to post tonight.  I always LOVE when you post.  I wish you had the time to post more, you are so insightful and have so much to offer us all.  

Great advice you gave to Stacy, I love how you keep it real and tell it like it is.  I actually hope all the newbies are reading your post and committing this to memory!!!

On a side note... "Moved in with the BF?????" YES OMG I am so thrilled for you!  I am over the moon happy that you have found a wonderful man and family.  You deserve to be happy!!!!!  

Don't be a stranger girl, I have missed you. 

Stacy I feel your pain. I am scared EVERYDAY! I don't know how to make it better either.  All I know is that we have to keep on keep'in and being there for each other when we need a boost. I am here if you need an ear.

I feel all of this stuff with you. I have no advice but I am with you.

~E

im sorry-I do understand- sometimes if i eat something bad, i wake up and expect to be 295 pounds again because i ate a bite of something i shouldnt have

Stacy my friend, first things first... HUGS girl, HUGS   Its like you wrote this post as if I was dictating it to you from thoughts in my head. 

When I was where you are as a newbie post RNY (so talking about your RNY surgery not your VSG surgery), I do remembering crying with my husband saying "I can't do this, I can't drink another protein shake, I can't eat another yogurt, I can't stomach cottage cheese, I JUST CAN'T" and it was 100% menu fatigue, it was everything fatigure.  I was so done with the whole weigh, measure, log, plan, eat, wait 30 mins, drink, eat, take vitamins, wait 30 mins, drink, blah blah blah. I was DONE.  I cried because it hit me like a slap in the face that this was my life for the rest of my life, I freaked, I cried, I yelled, I had a meltdown.  And then when I was done having my "moment" which it was my "rock bottom" its like a light went off inside my head, and I said "but Daze you didn't go through a year of appts to get to having a major gut rearranging surgery just to fail now."  So I have to weigh, measure, log, eat, wait 30 mins, drink, take vitamins.  Guess what I am pretty sure I am not going to die now of obesity related illnesses. I can exercise, I can enjoy time with my husband, I can spend hours hiking with my dogs, I can go for promotions at work due to my new found confidence, I can participate in sports, I can be a better wife, I could go on and on.  Point is it just suddenly dawned on me that I did do this to myself to give myself a better chance at living a long and healthy life and so far I am living life to the fullest.  Don't for one second think that you are in this alone with these feelings.

And in regards to regain. OMG its a fear I live with every minute of every day.  I know its a pretty strong irrational fear, but its there, like a itch on my back in that spot that you can't get, its there but I can't get rid of it.  Maybe that's a good thing, maybe the fear keeps me honest, keeps me stepping on the scale every day and weighing and measuring and logging and coming here to OH. 

Stacy I am 3 years post RNY, I STILL have days where I see a big girl in the mirror. Hubby and I were at a sports store and we were looking at Jay's MLB gear and I picked up a 2XL and held it up to me and said to hubby "what do you think" and he says "well the top is great but not sure who is wearing a 2XL?"  But my eyes saw a top that would "just" fit, not be roomy, but just fit. I struggle with the mind body connection as well and again that is something I just have to accept.  Will I ever see a 5'5" lady who weighs 125 lbs, probably not, but that does not define my success.

And why can't you have a "normal" day, why can't you have a taco?  I know you are a hellova smart lady, (you didn't get to where you are in life by not being a smart cookie!!) and I know that you know what 2-3 oz looks like, you know that meat and cheese are protein, so eat the taco Stacy and move on.  One taco (or whatever food) is not going to break you.  You have been through a lot, you loved your sleeve, you had to say "goodbye" so to speak to a best friend.  You had such pain for so long with the GERD and I know the news of having to get a revision to RNY devastated you.  Have you mourned that process properly? 

And its okay to cry, its okay to pack up clothes that you love and spent hard earned money on and cry.  And now its time to either donate them or put them in your basement for  "what if" day. I still have clothes in big totes in my basement that are a few sizes bigger than I am now "just in case." I prefer to have them then not have them.  I need that comfort zone. If you need it as well than do it. This is your life and your journey, if that is what works for you then keep them and tuck them away.  If you need them out of your sight then donate or consign them.  Get your tiny butt out there and buy some new clothes.  You deserve it. 

Stacy not only are you going to BE successful with your RNY,  you already ARE successful with your RNY, its just A LOT of "stuff" to take in in a very short time and I think its okay to have some doubts and worries.  We all have had them or are having them!!!

Say this to yourself 3x before you go to bed tonight:  "I love this strong body that I nourish every day with good food and water, I love my freedom to move my body with ease and without pain.  I deserve to be happy and I am a worthy to give love and to get love and I am willing to learn to love myself."  You know just a little something I made up that I hope brings you peace & love.  

Yes you are a work in progress, so am I , so are all the rest of us here on OH. You are not alone in this journey.  Whatever I can do to help you please let me know. I want to help you through this no matter what.

I will leave you with this last thought... I want you to learn to look at yourself in the mirror with the same eyes that Nikolai looks at you with. The admiration, adoration and pure innocent love (you know exactly what I am talking about).  

Love you girl 

Do you do classes?  This post.  Spoke to me even though it was written for stacy.