An Awakening... Vices...
So this morning started out with my boss at my current full time position telling me he's retiring. As much as I dislike this job and wish I could do something else, it pays bills, offers great health benefits (paid for my surgery, etc), great PTO, etc... I can't just up and leave. I'm worried, with the current economy for oil and gas (I work for a fracing company), I'm afraid his replacement will realize just how redundant the work I do is (and it is!)... so the stress started building...
Then I got a call from the loan officer on a deal I have with my buyer (I do real estate too, which I love, but currently it doesn't pay the bills), to find out that the FHA appraiser appraised the home at 10K less than our offer price. (Offer price was market driven, this area is a hot area)... so the stress continued to build.
I was almost in a panic attack as lunch approached, and I left the building, and this is what my mind started doing...
"Screw the lunch you bought, let's go eat!" (can't do that, you can't eat enough anyway dummy, forget it)
"Fuck it, let's go have a bloody mary!" (you can't do that either lightweight, you can't handle your liquor right now, it has calories and that won't work)
"I want a cigarette, screw it, let's go buy a pack!!!" (Ugh, really? You DON'T NEED to start smoking again)
"OK, screw it, let's go shopping!" (No, you bought those boots, no money for that right now)
I realized that when I get stressed, I DO have issues with an addictive behavior... that both made me smile - because I did none of the above... and made me a little uncomfortable - because I have these vices that I never really paid any attention to before...
Scary **** there... but I persevered... ate my 'planned' meal, did not drink, did not smoke, and didn't even buy a tube of lipstick!
Go Me!
Height 5'5" HW 260 SW 251 CW 141.6 (2/27/18)
RNY 5-16-16 Pre-Op 9lbs, M1-18.5lbs, M2-18.1lbs, M3-14.8lbs, M4-10.4lbs, M5-9.2lbs, M6-7lbs, M7-6.2lbs, M8-8.8lbs,M9-7.8lbs, M10-1 lb, M11-.6lbs, M12-4.4lbs
So this morning started out with my boss at my current full time position telling me he's retiring. As much as I dislike this job and wish I could do something else, it pays bills, offers great health benefits (paid for my surgery, etc), great PTO, etc... I can't just up and leave. I'm worried, with the current economy for oil and gas (I work for a fracing company), I'm afraid his replacement will realize just how redundant the work I do is (and it is!)... so the stress started building...
Then I got a call from the loan officer on a deal I have with my buyer (I do real estate too, which I love, but currently it doesn't pay the bills), to find out that the FHA appraiser appraised the home at 10K less than our offer price. (Offer price was market driven, this area is a hot area)... so the stress continued to build.
I was almost in a panic attack as lunch approached, and I left the building, and this is what my mind started doing...
"Screw the lunch you bought, let's go eat!" (can't do that, you can't eat enough anyway dummy, forget it)
"Fuck it, let's go have a bloody mary!" (you can't do that either lightweight, you can't handle your liquor right now, it has calories and that won't work)
"I want a cigarette, screw it, let's go buy a pack!!!" (Ugh, really? You DON'T NEED to start smoking again)
"OK, screw it, let's go shopping!" (No, you bought those boots, no money for that right now)
I realized that when I get stressed, I DO have issues with an addictive behavior... that both made me smile - because I did none of the above... and made me a little uncomfortable - because I have these vices that I never really paid any attention to before...
Scary **** there... but I persevered... ate my 'planned' meal, did not drink, did not smoke, and didn't even buy a tube of lipstick!
Go Me!
Well done! Your inner monologue sounds a lot like mine...
As I read this I was smoking a cigarette, drinking coffee, and had just finished eating an unplanned temptation cracker from the break room at my work. I thought to myself, "Holy ****! I do want a Bloody Mary."
You are a rock star!
~E
Consultation weight: 265, Surgery date: 10/6/15, Goal: 150, Current weight: 129; 5'5, 46 years old
"I am basically food's creepy ex-girlfriend. I know we can't be together anymore but I just want to spend time hanging out" ~me, about why I love cooking so much post WLS
Go you! Vices averted!
Alcoholism runs on my father's side of the family, and I don't drink, but addictive behavior is in my blood, and food is definitely one of my (if not my main) addictions. Shopping is another addition, and so is being sedentary.
I'm hoping to channel some addictions into something more positive, like keeping my house cleaner, and getting chores done (in hopes that losing weight will also help me not be so lazy). And working out! I hope to heal faster so I can start working out again, and after the weightloss, be able to dance like I did in college!
Congrats for ignoring your inner demons.
RNY: 8/30/2016, Consult Wt: 263 lbs, Surgery Wt: 243 lbs, Current Wt: (3/8/17) 166 lbs, Goal Wt: 150 lbs
M1: -26 lbs, M2: -10 lbs, M3: -9 lbs, M4: -16 Lbs, M5: -12 lbs, M6: -4 lbs,
YESSS_ I think we all feel this way sometime or another, especially when stressed!!!
Mine usually has to do with shopping or food....
HW 305 SW 278 Surgery weight 225 GW 160 LW: 118.8
RNY 12/15/2015,
GB removal 09/2016,
Twisted bowel/hernia repair 08/2017
M1 Dec 2015-13.0, M2-7.0, M3-14.5, M4-9.4, M5-7.1, M6 9.8, M7-7.6 ,M8- 7.6, M-9 5.5, M10-6.4, M11- 2.2, M12 Dec 2016- 5.8
