NSV-tons of energy--but a down side.

Thanks ya'll. I appreciate everyone's responses!

I am definitely feeling that there are some points of tension between my Guy and I related to changes in my body and energy level.  In general it is positive but I do see there are things he resents about my changes.  I am much more active than I ever have been and I think he finds that frustrating sometimes.  I tend to be go go go now and he does miss sitting and doing nothing together.  I try to settle in a sit with him but that makes me antsy so I end up getting up and cleaning something or fixing something in the kitchen to break up the "couch time."  I think he preferred when I would just sit next to him and be still.  I balance it out by being super go go when he is at work or busy with something else.  For my side I find I am frustrated by his lack of support for some things.  He has insisted that joining a gym wouldn't work for our budget or our routines.  I really want to get into a regular exercise routine but he is not ok with that yet.  I have decided to give him some more time to adapt to the changes.  Over time I think he will get more comfortable with things and I will be able to get into a gym. Part of it I think is that he feels that I am judging him negatively for not wanting to go work out or for not eating healthy.  That part is just going to take time.  I know if he had suddenly lost weight and gotten healthy I would have felt very threatened by that so I am willing to give him the time I would have needed if the situation were reversed. 

This is EXACTLY what I think I needed to hear. I'm not nearly where I want to be, but I have come a long way, and this is MY journey, not his. Were the roles reversed I would probably be feeling threatened. Thanks Elizabeth!

I am just where you are. My family can't keep up and are not used to the new me. It also bothers me that hubby doesn't want to do all of the active things that I do. We have learned to compromise. So, when I want to hike & he wants to fish; we go to a conservation park. The boys will fish, I will hike and we meet back for lunch. I was nagging him a lot at first and it doesn't help. 

I joined the gym and that really helps. I get a lot of my energy out doing kickboxing & other classes. My son usually joins me in activities. I always make sure that hubby knows he's welcome, but doesn't have to join us. As long as we have date night, it all works out. We don't get along well, when we don't spend enough alone time, together.

It's a good thing that I don't drink cafeine anymore... My son says that I'm like all three chipmunks combined. I can't sit still for more then a few minutes. 

Just find a good compromise that works for you. Good luck.

What works for me, but was really hard to get to, was deciding what I'm planning on doing for myself, letting my people know that they're welcome to join me, and then just doing it.  I have two partners - sometimes one will join me, sometimes both will, sometimes neither will, and all of those options are okay for me.  But, when it gets down to it, I don't want to control what they do, and I don't want them to control what I do.  

So that's my advice.  Do the things you want to do - invite him to join.  Sometimes he will, sometimes he won't, and both of those options are COMPLETELY OKAY.  

My husband worked night shift by choice for many, many years until he retired. He really wasn't able to attend things with me and the kids for most of his working years. Even after retirement, it took him a long while to adjust to daylight hours. About 2 years after retirement, I talked him into visiting a local blacksmith shop by asking him to pick up an order for something I had made by the guys up there. It was their idea, actually to see if they could talk him into joining them. As they put it, it has to be his idea... wise men, these are. In any case, they did get him attending and learning how to run the forges and now he goes three days a week. I continue to do all the things I am interested in doing and have joined a spinning and weaving guild (which meets at the same site as the blacksmithing guild), I started and participate in a weekly plein air painting group, I take painting lessons when I want to. With me off his back about going to things, and by doing his own thing, we have stuff to talk about and now that I'm retired and the kids are grown and gone, he and I go out and travel a little more than we did. And, since I'm MUCH healthier having lost so much weight, and I'm able to do more around the house (like helping with the gardening and such) he doesn't have to and has more time for us.  I think I learned that one has to go forwarded on your own sometimes in order to be happy and healthy. If he wants to come along with you, fine. If not, that's fine, too. But you don't want to come to resent him when it is your decision to not go out and do things.

Is this new behavior or has he been this way for 20 years and now you notice it Bc you have more energy and feel better about life and getting out there ? 

Sheri,

i think it's a combination. We aren't all that old but I know he's tired and working hard. He's never been one to like crowds and he's taken spurts of being more active, but isn't on one of the kicks right now. I think he needs to have his vitamin levels as well as testosterone checked but that's up to him. 

I'm going to be more patient as well as do what pp's suggested and offer but don't pressure. 

He's my sweetheart so I don't want to make him feel badly or rock the boat too much. 

I totally get your issue.  My DH and I have been married for 45 years.  He has never liked to do things away from home...he's 100% a homebody.  On the other hand, I like to do things and go places.  I especially love to travel.

Early in our marriage I tried to get him to go to parties, reunions, movies, vacations, etc. but he never wanted to participate.  If I nagged enough he would relent and go with me but he was grumpy before, during, and afterwards.  After a couple of years of enduring his moods I ended up becoming a home body with him.  It was easier to not go places than to have him grumpy for days.

I finally figured out a way for both of us to be totally happy.  If there was something I wanted to do, or places I wanted to go, or vacations I wanted to take, I would plan to go with girlfriends (unbeknownst to my DH).  However, I would always ask him to participate with me, knowing full well he wouldn't want to.  He would always ask me if I could get somebody else to go with me.  Since I already would have my "somebody else" lined up, I'd just tell him okay.

This "arrangement" has worked for us for 40 of the 45 years we've been married.  He's happy he never has to go anywhere, I'm happy because I don't have to stay home, I don't have to endure days of Mr. Grumpy pants, and I have a blast with my girlfriends.  No resentment from either him or me!

Doing things this way I've done a lot of fun things and taken many, many great vacations.  In fact, this January I'm booked for a week long Caribbean cruise with 6 of my bariatric girlfriends.  The key is to always ask the DH if he wants to go, knowing he won't.