NSV-tons of energy--but a down side.

In the past couple of weeks I have suddenly noticed a ton more energy. Maybe I've just bounced back from surgery, or maybe it's the weight loss, or maybe both, but I want to be moving WAY more than I did previously.

This is a great thing! I'm glad I'm not such a slug and want to be active. Cue dramatic music--womp, womp.

Here's the thing--my husband DOES not share my energy. He is not MO, he started a 3rd shift job almost 3 months ago but wasn't really interested in being overly active even prior to that. His idea of a fun time is to watch a Walking Dead marathon, which is fine every once in a while, but not all the time. Last weekend we went to a car show, which wasn't a lot of walking and we enjoyed. Afterwards we went into an antique mall and he was tired halfway through (he went to the car). A week ago I asked him about taking the kids to a local state park and hiking and he wasn't interested. Then this morning I said some acquaintances were having an adoption celebration party for their foster child and he didn't want to go to that either.

I didn't expect to feel resentful about these kinds of things but I do. I told him that this morning and of course I was mean and un-supportive of him and his new job situation. He tends to stress and worry about something all the time, and currently it's the new job.

So do I keep pestering him to do fun things with me and the kids? Or do I just go without him, leaving him behind? I don't like the leaving behind answer to be honest. I love my husband very much and we've been married for almost 20 years....but I can see how these types of things could cause real problems. Anyone been here?

Congrats on the improvement.

I have almost the opposite affect of new energy. Now that I have so much more energy, my better half wants me to get things done that have sat idle for years due to my health. Just too much to do so quickly, but so glad I can now start digging at it.

My DH has always been high-energy so I can't totally relate, but I do empathize with you.  I do know that being 3rd shift can take a lot out of you - totally messes up your sleep patterns and can leave you totally exhausted.  I know it's not optimal to do things without him - I totally get it - I hate to do stuff without DH, but it may be the best option in this case.  I would always invite him on your outings, but if he's not interested, say you and the kids would like to do it anyhow.  Perhaps he'll decide to join in after a few times, or at least sometimes.   I know it's tough to be supportive when you feel you need the support, but it puts you in a good place.   Here's the mothering part of me though, if you're doing stuff without him, be safe...it's an unsafe world out there.

I'm there too. I hate to sit still now even at age 56. Because of being my lowest weight ever I don't feel like I'm 56. Hubby is retired and has a knee he needs to have replaced too so he is not really very active at all. That's why I was touched last week when I lost my bracelet and he walked up with the dog and I to look for it. That's where Lily fits in the picture. Walks are our bonding time and she will go as fast as I want and some days like today she drags me when I don't want to Go! When we camp I try to do one shorter evening walk on level ground and ask him if he wants to go and an early morning up hills and down with Lily. If he doesn't feel like going with us that's fine,but at least I offered. It's a line I tread too so I know how you feel. I've had four years to work out a routine that works for me and you'll get it evened out too. You are doing great!

YAY for more energy!  I would keep asking him if he wants to go, and if he doesn't, just go anyway.  You can't change that he doesn't enjoy these things!  Like I really do NOT enjoy playing frisbe, my husband really does, so when he does that with the kids, I just don't go! LOL  Doesn't hurt my feelings one bit!

But I really do understand what you are saying, you WANT to enjoy time with your husband

I have not been in that particular situation, but I'm sure lots have and I'm sure they'll chime in. I never got the itch to go more places or be a lot more active. I'm still a lazy slug...lol. My husband is very active, but we have mainly separate interests, so he does his thing-and I do mine. Our two "together" activities are taking drives up in the mountains( which is very rare these days ) and going to concerts. Other than that...I leave him to his hobbies and vice versa. 

Sometimes surgery can have really unexpected consequences ( not quite the word I'm looking for, but it's close ) like our spouses suddenly being faced with changing attitudes, energy levels, likes and dislikes-not to mention our changing bodies. I think it can throw them for a loop, and maybe that's what's going on in your situation? Were you sedentary before surgery? Maybe he's missing his TV partner and feels left behind but hasn't verbalized it? 

Or could it be an actual lack of energy issue? Could he need vitamins or need something like B12 level checked? My guy was sleeping a lot in the afternoons...but once he started taking B12, he seemed to have much more energy. Would he be open to getting lab work done? Can't hurt, right? 

It may even be a combo of new job, "new" wife, and needing a boost of energy. Maybe? 

I hope it gets resolved for you in the best way possible. Hugs. 

It's okay to do things without him.  I think that what you might want to do is pick a few things to do just with the hubby, and maybe one thing that he'd like to do with the family when he's rested up on a day off, and make the plans for that.  Then, you take the kids, or just yourself, and do all the fun, active stuff that you want to do.

Being married doesn't necessarily mean you have to do every single thing together.   It's okay to have other interests.  It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with the marriage.  I think as long as you make an effort to include him in things he enjoys, and that you spend time together, things will be okay.

I've worked midnights and afternoons before and it really is a hard transition.  

During my first marriage, my (ex) husband worked a swing shift.  He worked days for 7 days, had 1 day off, then afternoons for 7 days and a day off, then midnights for 7 days and 4 days off in a row.  All on a constant cycle.  He was a miserable ******* and didn't want to do anything.  Because I was unhappy, I didn't do anything either and became very depressed and miserable.  I'm not going to say that if I was more active, it would have saved the marriage, I think that was doomed from the start, but it would have made me a much happier person in the time I was there.

I know your husbands job is newish, definitely give him time to adjust.  Don't panic!

I am in the same situation. My DH has a bad back and so due to that cannot do 'sporty' type things. I want to go kayaking, paddle boarding, roller coaster riding, skydiving, and all of those things he cannot do. I will ask if he wants to come, and if not, I will find someone to go with me.

My best advice: find a way to intertwine your interest/activity levels to a level that the other is comfortable with. The two of you will always be independent in terms of interests, activity levels etc-- learning to merge those two worlds so both of you feel fulfilled is what's key. I think its unrealistic to expect him (or anyone) to cosign 100% on your newly evolving interests. He made it 1/2 way though the car show/mall-- he could have sat it out all together. But he didn't take you up on the hike. no biggie-- Take the kids- or use the time to invest in you & you alone.  

Differing work schedules can be brutal to marriage ( I was there for a few years and was totally resentful of what it costs us in terms of time together).

My DH is morbidly obese and I wish, wish wish he'd do something- anything with me in terms of fitness. He's not there in that regard- but I love it when we go shopping, exploring, whatever together. Value the time you can spend together- and worry a little less about how its spent. 

^^^^ This. Great answer.