What's On Your Thursday Menu, RNYers?

Good morning AV.  So yesterday was iffy for me, and I am going to acknowledge my eating disorder.  I did well with AMAW-C, but had too much chili.  I don't know why I binge eat, it's like this weird compulsion.  I was getting ready to go to bed, and I start to get anxious and really want food.  So, my hubby goes upstairs and puts the toddler to bed and I'm shutting off lights and making sure the house is locked.  Then I go to the fridge, open the door and it's an almost desperate feeling.  So I opened the container of left over chili and ate some with a spoon right from the container.  I don't know why I do this, or feel the compulsion to do it. It's a choice, obviously, but at times like that I feel like I am out of control.  I skipped seeing my therapist last month because we were cash poor and she doesn't take credit, but I'll have to make another appointment now that things are getting back to normal.

After all the talk recently on facebook about knitting and gifting things, I have decided to actually make myself something.  I got the nice bulky virgin wool blend yarn the other day and I'm making myself this sweater.  The yarn is a pale yellow, bordering on cream.  

don't mind the clutter on the floor.  My toddler is like a tornado and I am still learning to keep up with his mess making, lol

1 year since surgery

B: 1 egg, bacon, sharp cheddar.  coffee with sf coffeemate

L: Turkey, cheese and mayo

D: Hebrew National 98% fat free hotdogs and 1/4 leftover chili

S: shrimp (yay AV) and more shrimp with ****tail sauce

totals

calories 902 protein 103 carbs 29 fat 29

QOTD: I'm not sure, my mom subscribed to Columbia House when i was little, so we had albums all over the place.  I think that the first one that I got for me was most likely a Michael Jackson album, but it could have been either Madonna or Duran Duran.  I did have Motley Crue on vinyl back in the 80's as well.  

OK, so that sweater is beautiful.  And second, I hear you on that out of control feeling you get sometimes.  It doesn't happen as much as it used to, but for me it's like I enter this fugue-like state where I just eat mindlessly.  At this point, I've come to understand that it will be a lifelong struggle to come to terms with and cope with my disordered eating.  I spent the first 45 years of my life as a fat kid/teenager/adult, so I can't realistically expect that my propensity to overeat/binge will just magically disappear, you know?  I am a perpetual work in progress, and that's OK. 

 Hang in there!! 

Binge eaters unite!  Just offering up support.  I find myself doing the same thing as you.  Call your therapist.  If they understand you, talking to her will help.  I have yet to find a decent one.  My last therapist told me, and I do quote, "Just stop.  You know it is bad for you!."  Sure, if it were that easy!  Post.  Talk about it out loud.  Come here for support.    

I do like my therapist.  When I was looking for one, I searched for one who had experience with eating disorders.  i guess I've always been looking for a fix for my disorder, but I think I'm coming to realize that it's not something that I can just fix, and what I'll have to do is learn to manage it.  

I see my Primary care doctor in late September and I'm going to talk to him about medication options then.  

I've been through a lot of therapy for my son.  What I have learned is that medicine and therapy cannot "fix" him.  He is who he his...we are who we are.  Medicine and therapy simply give us the right tools to help us cope, manage, and the knowledge to make the right choices.

YAY for selfish crafting!!!  MAKE ALL THE THING...for yourself! HAHAHAHAH

I'm really loving the bulky yarn too, it works up super duper fast.  

YES!!  Bulky yarn is the BEST!  Well sometimes.

When I was 330 lbs, I made a bulky weight Bolero thing!! OMG I look like a friggin ape!!  It was horrible! HAHAHAHA  I don't know if I should be thankful there are no pictures of this monstrosity, or bummed out!! 

ETA: This was the pattern blackberry

I am more aware of this now than I ever have been but aware does not equal 'fixed'. I have managed to sort out some 'triggers' or situations where I am most likely to eat in a mindless desperate way.  For me, three things that lead to this sort of behavior are 1) If I am alone at home I get anxious 2)Fear of losing connection with another person (ie, the Guy and I have a fight or one of the kids and I are sideways), or 3)Stress/death/loss at work. Now that I see what is happening it is getting easier to avoid access to food in times when I might do this.  It helps but isn't perfect.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things to work through.  Good thing for all of us that this is a life long journey not a sprint.

~Elizabeth