Clothes shopping: So much fun! And when is it too much?

Here is my clothing angst, that I suspect is familiar to most of us:

I am having so much fun buying new clothes.  And I am wondering if I am enjoying it too much.  It seems I used to try on gobs of things looking for whatever looked adequate.  Now, so many things are not just adequate but really nice.  It is like I have to find a new way of limiting my purchases. 

Old way:  "Yep.  That looks adequate.  Dark blue; black.  Brings out my eyes.  Etc.  I guess I will buy it, because who knows when I will find something adequate again?"

New way:  "Wow!  That looks awesome!  And I don't have anything in my closet to wear to [this event--fill in the blank]."  Now I am trying to have a personal shopping limiting rule for "If I do not absolutely LOVE it, I will not buy it."

My problem is that I am spending a lot of time shopping--online at least.  This has come from a genuine need:  no clothes that fit.  I had old things altered, etc.  I got by on three pair of pants for a year.  Finally I just needed new stuff.  Developing a wardrobe takes time, and after WLS, you kind of need everything at once, for everyday and also for various occasions, like a party or work or gardening, etc.  Example:  I sang in a community choir recently, and at the last minute, the director said, "OK, for the performance, everyone wear a white shirt and dark skirt or dark pants."  I had NO white shirt nor cream shirt in my closet.  NADA.  I borrowed.

I don't want to look dumpy now that I have a new shape.  So I have been watching clearance sales, etc.  And this shopping takes time and money in spite of the sales.  I feel a little off balance.  I have never spent so much time or money on my personal appearance before.

I wonder, is this just a necessary stage?  Is getting clothing just a practical need?  I mean, I do this for my kids as their bodies grow and change.  But it is such a foreign experience for me, and the wide world seems open, and I feel less limited, and that is scary.  It is just a little bit of a struggle trying to feel centered.

I perceive in this a parallel to overeating that makes me wary.  Spending too much on clothing has never been a problem for me before.  "Adequate" kept my spending adequate.  Now, the limit is what I can spend.  And yet I need to pull extra from the budget because of the need.  A financial budget is like MFP, I am thinking:  if you use data to drive your decisions--rather than being driven by "I like it!  I love it!  I want it!  I need it!"--then you are financially responsible.

Thoughts?

p.s. I love you guys.

Well, they do talk about "transfer addictions" whether they be to alcohol, eating disorders (anorexia, over exercise), drugs or even shopping.  I am just at the beginning of my journey, with surgery in 2 weeks, so I have not had to go through this (yet).  Yes, you need new clothes.  You need clothes that fit you.  I don't know what stage you are at, if you are maintaining or still losing.  I would say that if you are still losing, you probably don't want to spend oodles on clothing, as you won't have it long.  Look into clothing exchanges, second hand shops, borrowing from friends' closets, etc.  If you are maintaining, choose classic pieces that won't go out of style, shop sales, and make sure you're coordinating with items you already own.  Then, yes, splurge here and there, but budget for it.  

I'm looking forward to being able to shop where clothes are cheaper and more fashionable.  I hate stores where the plus size line is more expensive than the regular size line.  Yes, I understand that they they are using more fabric and more stitches, it's just frustrating, like being penalized yet again, for being fat.  

Just my two cents. 

Thanks for your cents/sense.  I hope your surgery goes well! 

For the first year after surgery, I hardly spent anything on clothing--I found things in my closet, bought a few things on sale, had them altered, bought a dress on sale, etc.  I bought an additional dress also on sale for the holidays, and a few things for winter to stay warm, but still combed through my closet for things that might work, as I got rid of things, and that got me through the spring of this year.  Once summer hit this year, though, I was really at a loss--nothing to wear that did not fall off me.  I find one problem I have is knowing what will look good on me and what my style is now.  I have done some sale shopping at inexpensive stores, just to try out some different styles--things I might not have thought of as "me" before.  I did this knowing I might be spending some money on things I would not use much--not that I intended to not use them, but that I knew I was experimenting and taking some risks.  Then I discovered that some things I would grab off the hanger again and again, and other things--those I would look at again and again and then choose something else.  So that was helpful.

Thanks so much! 

I'm looking forward to trying new clothes on, with an ever changing figure.  Luckily for me, in my province, I've found a group of women who exchange clothing once a month for this reason.  I think it's a brilliant idea, really! Especially as we figure out what now works for us.  I think it's true for all of us, that there will be pieces that we gravitate more to in our closets.  There are the comfy clothes, the pretty clothes, the every day stuff, etc.  And, some pieces (like this beautiful blouse I purchased in Italy) will end up never being worn, for whatever reason.  [insert tears].  Have fun with it, but don't let it become your new burden.  :-)

I think a lot of us find shopping to be a "transfer addiction" post-WLS. It's easy to justify, your clothes are falling off your body! If you can afford it, whatever - the problem is if you're going into debt to feed this new addiction and that's something only you really know.

Have you checked out a clothing subscription services like Gwynnie Bee? It was an absolutely god send when I was actively losing!

I think that is what I have wondered about--people talk so much about transfer addictions that I wondered, "Is this becoming an addiction, or is it just a focus?  Am I uncomfortable because this focus on my appearance is actually a problem, or am I uncomfortable with this focus because it is new for me?  Does it mean I am shallow?  Does it mean I am unbalanced?"  Etc.

So thanks for the reminder about the simple awareness of "what can you afford."  This is part of my concern--like, I CAN afford it, but should I be spending my money elsewhere, like on dontations to charitable causes.  I am not being flippant here--I really find myself feeling a [maybe false] dichotomy:  "money spent on me = selfish and bad; money spent on others = selfless and good."  This really is troubling me at some deep core personal values level, and I started discussing it with a counselor this week.  I am considering if this concern is actually part of the reason I have not taken care of my weight issues in the past.

Thanks for the link to Gwynnie Bee!  I looked at is, and I wish I had known about it when I was losing more.  At this point, I am smaller than the sizes they have.  But what a great resource!  I hope other OH members will check it out.

Thanks for your reply!

I am not there either...surgery on Monday. But I lol at the "eh, it's adequate, " attitude towards shopping. That's exactly where I am. Have you ever looked up "capsule wardrobe"? May be too far of a reach when I will be struggling to stay in clothes at all for a while, but I like the idea when I get to goal, or close to it.

Good luck with your surgery!  So exciting for you.

I looked up the idea of the capsule wardrobe.  Thanks very much for that.  I like the idea of getting what you need for the season, and then avoiding the need to shop constantly.  I would say this is how I approach my children's clothing:  get it done in a lump a few times a year, as the seasons change and they have grown.

I did laugh a little at the idea of "limiting" yourself to 37 wardrobe pieces.  If I use that as my number, then I am totally fine with my shopping.  So that made me feel pretty good! 

Anyhow, thanks again.

When it interferes with your life, and/or your finances, you are finding that your shopping trips are getting bigger, and you find you're not happy unless the amount of money you're spending keeps increasing...it might be too much.  

Shopping was definitely my transfer addiction. I bought so many purses, wallets, wristlets, etc that I could open up my own thrift store. Seriously. My storage shelves runneth over ( and over and over ). Last fall, I blew a lot of money on one purse; it was then that I knew I needed to stop. I slowed way down after that, but didn't actually stop until March, but I have refrained from buying any purses or anything purse-related since then and have stopped buying clothes too. ( clothes were a close 2nd. ) 

Thanks for your guidelines and for your personal examples.  I have not had a purse thing, but I definitely could see myself going there.  It is like the world of "dress up" is suddenly available.   I appreciate the thoughts on things increasing--like you need a bigger "hit," and the thoughts about interfering with life.

It would be wrong to encourage you (Just Kidding), but you sure made me want to see a photo of that purse!