Pre op today
I was a basket case on the day of my pre-op appt. I had a full blown panic attack in my car when I left my surgeon's office. In my hand was the full orders for my surgery; including pre labs and ekg. I'm use to seeing physician's orders every day because I'm a medical professional, but those orders do not have my name as the patient on them. Reality hit me in the parking lot when I saw the list of medications; heparin, dilaudid, anti nausea meds, antibiotics - not to mention the scd's (compression devices for legs) and the list went on. I lost it and just wanted to cancel what I'd worked so hard for months for. I pushed through, fought the buzz in my head and finally went into the hospital for the preop things; still thinking that I can't do this, I'll just diet one more time. I got through it and even the night before surgery, my husband asked me just before bed time "why have you not packed yet??" I just say "I don't know." He said "you're not going in the morning, are you?" I didn't answer him and went and packed. I had to take one moment at a time to get me to the operating room the next day. I had yet another panic attack and just wanted to leave the hospital. I have had quite a few surgeries in my life, but never an elective one. It was huge for me. I say all this to say that we've all been where you are. You're not alone. It's just a big monster you have to face to get to the other side and once you are there, every week is better. I don't regret it for a moment. I'm still healing and learning, finding my way, but I'm loving life again. I'm praying for you. You can do it.
