Struggling

There is a gym about 30 minutes away that has daycare, but I can't afford it.  And it's just far enough away to make it impossible to get to.  I have looked into it.

Excuses are excuses...sometimes.  And sometimes 'excuses' are real world pragmatic not playing limits based on the fact that we are human and we can only exist in one place at any given time.  I feel you on the kids, work, life too much front.  I have five kids, two dogs, a spouse, a house, full time paid work, and I put in a fair amount of volunteering for LGBTQ+ advocacy. I bet most of us on OH can list the over-committed parade of things we do.

We all tend to demand too much of ourselves, hold ourselves to crazy high expectations, and never ever manage to feel successful.  We raise the 'bar' of our own expectations to impossible heights and then beat ourselves up for being failures. 

It is more that OK to say you don't have another slot in your schedule to fill with a meeting, online or in person.  

Here is where the rubber meets the road -----> It is more likely that cutting out something from your schedule instead of adding is going to lead to greater success and happiness in your life.

Consider this...Is there a realistic path for you where you are able to support healthy choices so that you have all the tools you need to continue to be successful in your eating plan AND not give up other commitments in your world?  

If the answer is "No"-- there is no way to be healthy and supported AND do all the things you do now -- then you need to step back and look at things.  

Sit and have a grown ups only time with your spouse and discuss that your health has to have a seat at the table or you won't have the ability to do all the rest of the things.

That may mean going to meetings...that may mean finding a different counselor...that may mean changing work schedules....or monthly mani/pedi dates with a good friend or whatever.  You will figure it out.

But don't feel like you have to keep adding to your schedule.  At some point you can and should say, "Nope, I'm all full up. Can't do more" without feeling guilty.  Feeling safe and healthy when I say "No" to something has been a hard won skill.

Cutting things from your "MUST DO OR I AM A FAILURE" list is really really important.  You might even find cutting back on your "Do or Fail" list helps with your original concerns related to your eating.

Personally, I eat my failure.  It tastes like pretzels. Just sayin'

~Elizabeth

my failures taste like peanut butter.  

You binge because you are an addict, none of us got MO by eating a reasonable amount of carrots. 

I struggle all the time.  My doctors tell me I am a "rock star"  but I daily feel like a failure. I will never lose enough or be compliant enough. 

I have the old fat girl inner negative talk all the time. Well, you already ate/did this the whole day is a loss may as well do/eat xxx. 

Mentally, I do not think I am doing great. Becoming thin has not been the sunshine and moonbeams I thought it would be. I think about food and my body /appearance way more than I ever did fat. 

I think when I was SMO I blamed the fat for all my problems and now I am forced to come to terms with the fat was just a symptom of my disordered thinking. 

I also feel very alone on a daily basis. My husband is very supportive but only as someone who has never been there can be. He doesn't understand the hold food and my weight has on me. I did go to one support group and that helped some. I am going again Saturday.

Maybe you aren't drowning so much as treading water with no help in site? You don't see anyone with a life preserver

You probably still have some malabsorption so will need to realize that this gets harder not easier.  I will always be on a diet and each year I can eat less to stay the same weight. 

Going off track for a few weeks will send the scale zooming up.  A wonderful resource to get your maintenance goals is If It Fits Your Macros

Their premise is that you can eat any food as long as you stay in your macros.  Get the right amount of calories, protein, carbs, fat and fiber.

You calculate your macros based on your exercise.  The macros work quite well with my RNY surgery.

This looks good, thanks for the info! Finding that right balance I think will help a lot as I'm playing with the numbers right now to keep the scale #'s more steady.

I truly understand that this is going to get HARDER, and that scares me, since I am struggling NOW, what will it be like in 6 months or a year etc

I actually did the calculation with IIFYM, I even paid for the personalized blue print.  The numbers are terrifying, and I really haven't tried them because they are numbers that I have on my BAD days, when I am gaining.  But I would say not in the exact macro that is called for.

When I did the free calculator it gave me the following for weight LOSS:

Cals: 1318

Protein: 121g (37%)

Carbs: 90g (27%)

Fat: 53g (36%)

The paid blue print gave me:

Cals: 1600

Protein: 130g

Carbs: 135g

Fat: 60g

For maintenance, those macros look great to me.  The secret for me is meting the protein goals.  Because I prefer beef steak, the fat goal gets met pretty easily. 

To lose weight, I cut my calories to 900, carbs to under 30 and drop a pound a week.

The carb numbers scare me, and really the protein is still hard for me.  I have some trouble with dense protein, and I can get higher protein numbers only from protein drinks. 

I guess I should really strive for the macros exactly how spelled out, and see how it goes.  It can't hurt I guess.  I just find it crazy that they gave me those numbers based on LOSING weight

I am putting in all my info again to see if the numbers are still the same.

I get the fear of food/carbs.  I truly do.  About a year and a half after my VSG, I had trouble with my blood work.  My surgeon, after running numerous tests determined that I was malnourished.  He called me into his office, walked through the door, sat down and said "you're slowly killing yourself and it's going to stop right now."  He had me meet with the NUT who changed my macros to include significantly more carbs.  Like 100g of carbs a day.  I literally sat in her office and cried because I was so afraid of the change. So I get it. I really don't know why I'm telling you this other than to let you know that I understand the struggle and will be here for you as much as I can.