Unwanted attention

chassibi
on 7/18/16 2:51 am

So I'm posting this because I'm confused. This weight loss stuff is messing with my head ya'll. I'm a pretty humble girl. I got married when I was 18 to my high school sweetheart because we were in love and young and haven't ever really looked back except the occasional times when I've wanted to kill him. Haha jk. I've noticed, really just this past weekend that I'm on the receiving end of a lot more male attention than I've ever been before that I can remember. Nothing particularly onerous or lascivious, but it's there and it's hard not to notice and frankly I don't like it. The first couple of times were flattering I guess, but a checker in the grocery the other night was flirting and DH told him to "slow down big guy" lol. That was embarrassing. DH hasn't mentioned it other than that incident but it makes me uncomfortable. 

Is is that super weird? I know that women who have never been MO are probably used to this but I'm not! I am generally smiling and have a pretty sunny disposition. Should I adopt resting ***** face to ward off unwelcome attention? 

Also please note: I know I am NOT the hottest little thing in shoe leather and have 69 pounds still to lose. My perception is probably magnified having gone from only the attention of my husband to others at all. I know it's not everyone or I would be seeking shelter in a cave right now. I'm too introverted for that! Advice? Do I need therapy for this lol? Have any of you encountered this? And how did you deal? 

Consult Weight:276/Surgery Day Weight: 241.6 /Goal Weight: 150

The Salty Hag
on 7/18/16 3:41 am
RNY on 05/20/13

No, it's not weird. A lot of women experience the same thing. I am one who hasn't garnered a lot of attention from the opposite sex, but I'd be just as uncomfortable with you had it happened often. I think people in general notice our confidence and that's what gets their attention and draws them in; plus...you do have a very nice smile and I can see from your posts how friendly and approachable you must be in person. You may just be the hottest thing in shoe leather! You're pretty, and you feel better about yourself-as you should. People tend to notice that. It probably won't stop anytime soon. 

I don't really know what advice to give you other than just keep on keepin' on. Adopting RBF made me laugh; I definitely have one...maybe I scare away any potential attention givers? Haha. If it were me, I'd just ignore it, and maybe cuddle up to hubby a little more if you're with him. I mean, extra hubby cuddles are always a good thing, am I right? 

In all seriousness, I would say that if it's really messing with your head then absolutely talk to a counselor. I really think that most people who've had WLS, at one time or another, have moments that mess with our heads.  If it's really affecting our lives and starts to negatively impact our  relationship with others...then we need to nip the issue in the bud one way or another so it doesn't cause us to stumble at a later date. I hope that makes sense...I'm only halfway through my first cup of coffee. 

I woke up in between a memory and a dream...

Tom Petty

H.A.L.A B.
on 7/18/16 4:14 am, edited 7/17/16 11:00 pm

And that is why some pretty skinny girls are hitches..or at least when out they pretend to be ones.. 

Flirting is so common.. You have not noticed that. As Audrie mentioned - you do have a very pretty face and Very nice smile...I can see men and women warming up to you..

Talk to a counselor about the issue... 

Whrn I was bigger - my size was often (not always) my safe zone...but I had to become less "friendly" when I lost weight... Maintaining more "personal space " distance to people... 

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

SkinnyScientist
on 7/18/16 8:46 am

"Whrn I was bigger - my size was often (not always) my safe zone...but I had to become less "friendly" when I lost weight... Maintaining more "personal space " distance to people... "

-Me too. Except when I was MO I was sort of like the female version of Santa claus. Jolly,happy etc, because I wanted people to like me and/or just leave me alone. 

RNY Surgery: 12/31/2013; 

Current weight (2/27/2015) 139lbs, ~14% body fat

Three pounds below Goal!!! Yay !  

Jo_Jo
on 7/18/16 4:25 am
RNY on 02/09/16

I find that not only do we get more attention from the opposite sex, but we are treated BETTER in general by most people. Which is pretty sad, really. Our society judges people on the way they look. I get better, friendlier, more helpful service, everywhere I go. I always have a smile on my face, like you. But now, people smile back more. It bothered me at first, but I've accepted it. I just pay more attention to hubby. Lol. Just keep smiling; don't let it change you.

4' 11" Female. Sw 238. Goal138. 

Karen R.
on 7/18/16 4:29 am - Amelia, OH
Revision on 09/10/15

The same here, I just ignore people. Plus women seem to be obsessed with my weight also. It's a no win.

Karen

Ht: 5'3"/Pre-Band Weight:256/Revision to RNY 9/10/15-Weight: 219--GW: 115--CW 105

Lovely_Caprice
on 7/18/16 4:50 am

I think we should embrace the attention.  As obese people, were/are discriminated against so for me I will welcome this change.  It is a reality - society does not treat very well "fat people".  We are labelled as being lazy, not clean, intellectually slow.  So being treated in a more gentle fashion is welcoming to me and I will certainly not reject that.

Theduffman27
on 7/18/16 5:12 am
VSG on 11/19/14

I Have experienced this as well. I feel my demeanor has changed. I smile more, hold my head high and am confident. I get a lot of smiles and attention , I feel more to the changes I have made than my appearance. Pre-op I was not as confident, did not smile as often and did not carry myself with the same confidence. I don't think the attention is a bad thing, it is just new! Congrats on the good work so far.

supershopper
on 7/18/16 5:13 am

I agree with everything everyone else has said. I've noticed it also.

Its realy weird.

Deanna798
on 7/18/16 5:19 am
RNY on 08/04/15

I have experienced this some too.  I also have had to deal with a little bit of insecurity from my hubby.  We have talked about it, and I've reassured him that no matter how much weight I lose, I love him and as long as he doesn't turn into a crazy, clingy jealous maniac, he has absolutely nothing to worry about.

I still get uncomfortable because I try to be sensitive to my husband, and I know that he's still struggling with it at times.

Age: 44 | Height: 5' 3" | Starting January 2015: 291 | RNY 8/4/15 with Dr. Arthur Carlin| Goal: 150

Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. ~Proverbs 19:20

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