Have you noticed...

I made the choice to tell my children (23 and 25), my husband and one close friend before I had surgery. I did not tell my siblings. Both of my parents are deceased. 

I had a bleeding problem during surgery and ended up in ICU on a vent for 3 days. My surgery was May 5, 2015 and my birthday is May 6 and surgery lasted 9 hours. Needless to say they were trying to get a hold of me because it was my birthday and finally called my husband. It was a difficult time to begin with then he had to tell them. At that point I was still on ventilator and not awake. I would do it  differently and tell all of my family if I ever need surgery again.

My doctor told my I am a bleeder, so now I know. I don't want to scare anyone coming up with surgery. I have some unique things going on with my body that causes me to bleed.

Sue

Before my surgery in March - I told almost no one.  Only my husband and a good friend who had done VSG knew I was going to have the RXY.

2 weeks AFTER surgery - I told anyone who said anything about me not eating much, looking smaller, etc.

My thought process on it was this:  I've fought & fought my entire adult life to lose weight, and never succeeded long term.  Every time I'd gain it back, and would shame myself & beat myself up.. over & over.  I'd see other people who would lose 50 - 100lbs, and hate myself even more.  THEY can lose weight, but I can't - I'm so worthless.  I have PCOS, but I still blamed it all on myself.  I ate the junk food.. I was too tired to exercise because I was lazy, etc.

I finally started to realize that some of the people I knew who had lost a lot of weight and kept it off long term - they had actually had surgery.  But they still felt ashamed about it or "guilty" or ashamed because they think they "cheated" or took the "easy way out".  This just perpetrates the stigma attached to WLS!  

Ive decided to tell everyone who comments on my weight.  I joke about it.. When people ask, I say I exercise and eat a lot less, but that it's easy to do since I paid a guy a lot of $$$ to chop out most of my stomach. ;)  I want others who arefighting the same thing I've been fighting (obesity) to know that my loss isn't as "easy" as just eating better & exercising.  If I could have done that - I would have.. 20+ years ago.  I don't want people to look at ME and think they're a failure if they can't lose weight the "normal" way.. and the only way I can do that is to be honest about my story.

Now on the other hand, I didn't say a word to almost anyone before surgery.  I didn't want to be talked out of it.  I didn't want to hear random horror stories about how someone's cousins brothers friend had huge complications, etc.  I made my decision.. followed through with it, and now that I'm 65lbs down at just over 3 months out, I want people to know the "real" way it happened!

I didn't tell anyone until I felt ready and comfortable now I tell everyone cause I just don't care what anyone thinks but me!!! :)

Now that you mention it, I realize that all of the people that I have told that struggle to lose weight and are very ignorant or in denial about junk food were the ones who were desperately trying to get me to not have the surgery.  All the thin people I know or people who have lost weight and maintained it were very supportive and had only positive and encouraging things to say.

The only obese person I know that was/is supportive of me is my husband.  He saw how hard I worked and how much I struggled before surgery.  He came with me to the surgery orientations and saw how much it would improve my life and how much I would enjoy only having to eat very small portions to feel satisified.  He was very excited for me beforehand has been very happy for me since the surgery, seeing my success and happiness with my new lifestyle.

I have chosen to not tell anyone about the surgery.  My daughters are the only ones that know.  I conveniently had a colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago and just say my upcoming wls is a follow-up for that.  My daughter asked me how I am going to explain to my co workers how I am so rapidly losing weight after surgery.  Well, that made me think.  Perhaps I will have to divulge more information when I get back, but maybe I will just say hard work and let it go at that.  I by no means am ashamed of the wls, I am just a private person, and don't want to share quite yet.  But if I think that I can help or inspire another MO person, you can bet your bottom dollar I will guide them toward surgery.

I struggled with this decision too. I told my direct family and one close friend prior to the surgery and was planning to keep it to myself even after the surgery. But a day or two prior to surgery, in order to explain a 4 to 6 week absence from playing golf with my friends I either had to lie and make up some illness or tell the truth. I decided to tell the truth to a few friends and golf buddies and word soon spread to the rest of my friends. I'm glad I did. Everyone has been very supportive. The only issue I have is that some people feel the need to ask me every time I see them, how much weight I've lost so far. It annoys me and I feel it's a private matter. But I just swallow hard and go ahead and tell them. I think that would happen either way if I had the surgery or if I was just dieting alone. Overall I'm happy I told just family prior to surgery and avoided the negative comments from the non-supporters and I'm happy I told the truth after the surgery and avoided having to lie about it.

I tell friends and employees if they ask. I don't tell everyone I know. I guess it depends on whether I feel like talking about it that day. I don't want to lie but I do feel like it's my business, not anyone else's. I wouldn't hesitate to talk to someone about it that I thought could benefit though.

Recently I was in the airport and only ate a few tablespoons of my lunch and felt I had to tell the waitress. She was worried I didn't like the food haha. Typically I just order an appetizer though or eat off someone else's plate.

I announced it on Facebook the month before I had surgery. I was SMO so I figured I would have a very hard time hiding any weight I lost and kept thinking about what exactly I would tell them - that I finally found the secret to weight loss at age 33? That seemed so dishonest to me. And I'm not great at lying. I can never keep track of my **** lol.

So I posted it and basically said I made this wonderful decision because of my health. If you support me that's great, thank you! If you don't that sucks but please don't tell me, this will be hard enough without your support so keep it to yourself.

I got a lot of people telling me how awesome it was and honestly everyone has been super amazing and supporting. I've gotten some snide comments here and there but in general nothing that bothers me too much. My Mom can be ****ty about it but but she can be ****ty about a lot! I think that with my cancer history everyone was pretty much on board with getting healthy no matter what.

I'm not keeping it a secret but not advertising it either- I have told several good friends, my parents and siblings and of course my husband and children. I've also told my co-workers.  LOL- maybe I AM advertsing lol.

The most negative person has been my husband but I'm okay with it because I understand why he is being that way. He's scared. One of his co-workers had the surgery, and when she found out aout me (we belong to the same support group) she proceeded to tell him about all the things that can go wrong. However, not that he knows I am going through with it, he doesn't say anything negative.  I'm glad that he loves me fat or thin.

I have  1 coworker who is overweight that is negative about it. She says to just eat like I've had the surgery and I will lose weight. If it were that easy, no one would need WLS.

Everyone else has been amazing. Very excited and happy for me and wishing me the best. my 11 year old wanted to know that I wasn't going to die. I gave him the honest truth and he's okay with it.

I absolutely did not want my evil sister to know.  She's never been an ounce overweight, and has bullied me about being fat since we were kids.  I guess it's sibling rivalry and pettiness, but I know she would tell me I took the easy way out and bully me for that as well.  She doesn't live near me and hadn't seen me in a few years, so I figured I'd just be thin the next time I saw her and enjoy the fact that she no longer had the amo to bully me.  I was looking forward to showing off to her some day, but she passed away this year.  She drank herself to death.  For me, it was food... but for her - alcohol.  In the end she died of her addiction at the same time I was working to save my own life from mine.  

Anyway, if I told my family about it, it would've gotten back to her, so my Mom is the only one that knows to this day.  I've been below goal weight for 6 months now so I'm thankfully no longer being asked about it.  I guess it will remain a secret, unless someone directly asks me (no one ever has).

All my co-workers know, because they covered for me while I did the classes and took leave for the surgery, and there would be no way to hide it from them.  They are all supportive with one exception.

Also, I chose not to tell my neighbors.  Just because it's none of their business.  But I think they've guessed by now.