I've lost some of my support team

I had RNY October 29, 2012.  I started seeing a WL counselor prior as a condition of surgery because I'm a binge eater.  Until about 4 months ago I was still seeing her regularly.  Because of insurance issues and changes in the office, I cannot afford to go there anymore.  It has been a few years since I have been back here to OH, but need to talk to someone that understands what I am going through.  To point me back in the right direction, or give me some advice on how to get my head back on straight.  I've yelled at myself, tried to be patient, tried to figure out why and stop it before it gets out of hand; but I am now back up to the same weight I was when I started working.

I'm afraid it feels like I'm riding a wave and have no control over eating anymore.  Like before the surgery.  I even dump and it makes me cry but I just keep eating.   

Due to the financial struggles we have, I started working in August of 2014.  Though I applied many places (and am still applying), the only company that would pick me up was a vending machine company.  I didn't see a problem with working with packaged food and soon I moved off the plateau I had been on and got to 100 lbs lost! - though still not to goal.  Now, there is so much stress to get my job done on time and there just isn't enough time to do the job properly without actually running from place to place.  I have bad knees and now a bad ankle which makes walking difficult and running impossible.  This job used to be an 8-hour job when a guy had it, now they expect it done in 5 hours and it's just not possible.   One of the workers at the business where I fill the machines came up to me just last week and said that he was surprised that I was still there, that the company went through a lot of people before me. 

With the HUGE amount of stress from the job; the stress of my own businesses I am trying to get started; the home-life; and my dad died 8 months ago - I took care of him, does anyone have any advice on how to get my head back in the game?  It's so easy to pick up a bag of this or a bar of that and eat.  I have tried putting a big X on my hand with a magic marker so when I grab for food I see it and remember.  It's like mindless eating.  Anything I promised or planned to do that day with regards to not eating is just a vapor.  I just open a bag of something and eat it.  Then beat myself up for it.  Just like before the surgery.  UGH....

Glad you are here, Welcome.

Some suggestions:

There is a daily "What are you eating today post" - go on it and be accountable. There is a lot of fun discussion as well. Even if I don't stick perfectly to what I wrote (I usually don't) at least I have a plan. There is no "Oh no what should I eat for dinner?"

Don't know if this is you- but no one would kick you off- there is a BMI over 50 forum for those of us who started at over that. There is a weekly weigh-in post, again accountability

Check out the 5-day-Meat-test link in my ticker. It is about getting back to Protein forward and getting the carb monkey off your back. Helps with cravings.

I know some people swear by My Fitness Pal... for me I can only do occasional -what I call 'spot checks' --to see what I am doing. Daily recording on there made me too obsessive and sometimes I would eat more just to make a number rather than listening to my body. I count protein and fluids and while I do look at the carbs in individual items, I don't tally it for the day.

Some people have My fitness pal, I have weighing daily as my accountability to myself. Only once a day. Yes I had to change my thinking as there will always be fluctuations... Occasionally I have to talk myself off the 'mind' cliff... Keeps me constantly evaluating what I am doing. You have to figure out what works for you. If what I am doing stops working...I will change.

read, read, read... If you are concerned about something, it has probably already been asked. Not that you can't ask questions too, but there is a lot out there...Use the magnifying glass to search...

I come on here daily, It helps to keep me focused.

Good Luck and stick around...

Thank you. I will. I added the link to my iPhone so I can get here easier instead of getting on my computer.  I will look into the things that you suggested. Although, I do have my fitness pal and my kids all got together and got me a fit bit.  I like the idea of accountability.  

My fitness Pal is great and some people love it... you have to figure out what works for you... Some people weighing every day sends them over the edge. for me it works...

Welcome to a good place for support and being around people who understand--most of the time. I like your magic marker idea putting an X on your hand.  I have done, and need to re-introduce, drills that seem silly.  For example, standing in the grocery isle staring at the unhealthy foods silently screaming, "THESE FOODS ALMOST KILLED YOU."  Then putting the favorite of the unhealthy in my cart and practice putting it back on the shelf proving to myself I have the power to PUT IT BACK.  I have written 100 sentences in a row saying things like, "you have to get this lifestyle right." I'm not the only one who has jumped on this site at 3:00 a.m., grasped for help, or taken heat for a questionable comment.  I've learned from it all.  May you find comfort in unity knowing the struggles are shared, the effort shared, and the payoff not always equal but worth trying for.   

?? Thank you. What fantastic ideas!  You know, I could - when I first started working there - say "That stuff'll kill you" or "I'm better than this food. I had RY surgery I'm not a slave to food!" But ? I am. 

Overeaters Anonymous is a good way to get free support if you don't mind being in a 12-step program.  Also, many places have support groups for this.  

Many of us counselors have sliding scales.  Have you talked to the counselor?  Mine let me pay him $20 a session when I lost my insurance.  Ask her if you can work out a rate that you might be able to afford.  We met once every 2-3 weeks and I did exercises and journaling homework.

Make a list of things to do instead of eating.  Use some nice lotion and get a massage, take a bath, read something uplifting and relaxing, focus on reading or a hobby, etc.  One of my clients uses Duolingo to learn a language whenever they want to eat, for 5-10 minutes.

As a counselor, the long answer is that you must both work on the binge eating, but also reduce your stress, too, not just for the eating, but for your overall health.  

Great ideas. I did go to OA. But have not gone for many months. I am so busy there aren't many close to me and this one is Saturday morning. Maybe I can try to rearrange things. Thank you. 

I would sit down and write a list of why you had the surgery. Remember you are worth it. I wish I had more to add. 

Best wishes to you. You came to a good place.

Thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot.