struggles for freedom.

I was thinking about the post on the main boards about fat shaming and signing the petition.  That led me to thinking about my life and how I lived for a very long time.  It's actually HOW I became morbidly obese.  Or at least how I started my journey.  I just wrote this poem because it reminds me of where I was in my late 20's and early 30's.  See, I wasn't obese as a teenager, or even as a young woman.  I became obese when I married a man that made me feel like a giant piece of ****  I allowed him to whittle away at my self esteem and I turned to food.  At that point in my life I wouldn't leave the house unless I had to.  I was a stay at home mom and would walk through the store with my head down, literally not being able to look at anyone around me.  My anxiety was through the roof and I could not function.  I somehow found the courage and strength to leave that relationship.  it's been almost 12 years since I left and it's taken nearly that long to start to heal.

I know it's cheesy, and I don't claim to be a poet, so be gentle... 

Shame

When you can't look in the mirror
Can't meet a persons eyes
When all the whispers are of you
And life is rushing by

Fear of being noticed rules your life
Just keep your head hung low
If you don't bring attention to yourself
no one will ever know

How horrible it is to live that life
The one behind the scenes
where daily you berate yourself
you're less than a human being

It's time to break the cycle
Time to stop living life in fear
Now step out of the shadows
And treat yourself with care

For years I lived in darkness
Hidden deep inside my shell
I've shed the outer armor
And no longer live in Hell

Aw Deanna...you brought tears to my eyes. I hate that you had to endure that awful treatment, but I'm happy that that you had the courage to escape that environment, saved yourself, and are hopefully finding that road to freedom. 

I love your poem, and I can identify with it. See? You're a poet...and you didn't know it!!! ( couldn't resist!! ) I think a lot of us here will see themselves in your words. 

You wanna talk bad poetry? I wrote some baaaaaaaaad poetry back in the day. ( and a couple of truly awful novellas. Neither have ever seen by anyone except me. And they never will. ) I was 16 and experiencing my first real heartache ( Damn that blond haired, blue eyed surfer boy. ), and expressing my feelings through words just seemed the thing to do at the time. 

Thank you for sharing this with us. 

Thanks,  Audrey.  You are very kind.  

I also admit tof writing bad poetry as a teen. I am actually jealous that you had enough motivation to actually get through a novella. I've always wanted to write,  but I get a chapter in and then I give up.  Lol

Thank you for sharing. I love your poem. Glad you were able to take back your life. You are worth it

Sometimes emotional abuse is much worse that physical. Because nobody can see the mental bruises the abuser left on your soul. 

HUGS...

Very true.  Often we are our worst critics.  Nobody was/is as hard on myself as I was.

Beautiful - and very real.  Thanks for sharing!

Thank you...wiping my tears.  

You are certainly a poet. 

Thank you for sharing. I know it is not always easy. Also you really may have helped someone who needed to read this today. 

Your poem is perfect! Bravo...for leaving and for finding the strength to LIVE! :-)