A single person NSV!

I'm 9.5 months out.  I've been MO since childhood and I'm in my mid 30s. I have dated plenty,  even some serious,  long term relationships,  but it was never "equal."

Let me explain.  Some were abusive in one way or another.  Some were con artists just taking advantage of me. Some liked me a lot,  but didn't love me,  not like I loved them.  And almost all of them wouldn't actually commit to me.  They always had one foot out the door looking for something better to come along.  I guess my poor self- image allowed all of them to play the roles they played in my life.  

I've been ridiculously single since my last one 3 years ago,  I haven't even wanted to date. I really fell hard for him and thought it was finally real and "equal," then I found out I was only one of about 5 he was juggling,  and we all thought we were the only ones.  

Anyway,  enough of that-  I've had terrible luck with men my whole life.  When I was MO and got hit on,  I was always leery. Was this a weird fetish to him? Was it a joke? Does he just think I'll be easy? 

Now that I'm smaller and appear normal (clothed) and I have more confidence,  I get all kinds of attention.  Lots of flirting and compliments and just plain chivalry.  Problem is,  my fat girl brain doesn't know how to react or process it at all.  

BUT! This past weekend I met a guy that is attractive and fit and very independent.  He's healthy,  happy,  active,  successful,  smart,  educated,  great career,  and somehow,  still single.  

This guy is not one that would have EVER flirted with bigger me. That kind of bothers me,  but I'm taking it as an NSV. 

For once,  he's doing the pursuing and planning and following up,  not me!  I don't even know what I'm doing,  just bumbling along for the ride, but it's so very different and refreshing.  I cried the other night thinking back on how men used to treat me and I used to just think "oh well,  I can't do much better,  who would want me?" 

It's only been a few days,  who knows how long it will last or what will come of him,  but I just wanted to share this in case someone else can relate.  

I am 50 and I can relate to your post. I have been married and I have been in long term relationships but they all have seemed unequal.

I joined a dating site in January. I have been on the same dating site in the past but the last time would have been 4 yrs ago. Just before meeting my last boyfriend. That ended in March 2015. I am only 5 months post op but I have noticed that the "type" of man that engages with me on dating site is different than pre surgery. Career, education, interests...all are quite different. I still get plenty of "Hey, how you doin?" type messages lol...but that's par for the course online.

I hope it goes well with the new guy...you never know! :)

Good luck to you,  as well!  I can't stand the sifting through all the junk to find the decent guys on dating sites! You are very brave!  Best of luck

Just don't settle. Dating is about finding the right person for you. 

It took me 2 years, after I was ready,  to find my guy.  And in those 2 years I dated others... I called them "men with buts..."  I.e. "He is nice, but .. He is broke..." or " He is nice to me, but not so much to others..." etc.. 

Most of then were good looking, fit, and educated... 

Eventually I found him (or rather we found each other) . Someone who is just right for me.. 

Thanks,  Hala! Yeah,  there's a reason I'm mid 30s and never married.  I haven't settled yet,  and with this new,  hot bod,  why start now?  Lol ;)  kind of joking,  but seriously-  I think it's mostly my family that keeps me from settling.  Even if I might think someone is ok to spend my life with,  I also want to make my family proud and make them happy for me.  If I see that they are concerned about my guy and the way he treats me,  that's my cue to drop him usually.  

Thanks for the words of wisdom! This board has been so good to me in the past year!