Anyone else catching side eye?

It is sad and frustrating to run into these negative things. I keep telling myself to give it a year and things will smooth out. It feels good to know you have had some similar experiences.  Feeling less lonely today so thank you for that.

~Elizabeth

OMG Elizabeth, its like you wrote this post about me!!!! 1000% yes I agree to EVERYTHING you said, all of those situations I have experienced as well.  I too am in the health care field, I am very observant and I like to "watch" people if you will, same as you.  I have been at the same hospital where I work for 11 years now, its the kind of place that does not have a lot of turnover so all the people around me have known me the whole 11 years as MO. WOW so many relationships are different now that I am slim and fit.  SO MANY. Quite frankly it disgusts me.  

For example:  There is a surgeon that meets with my boss on a monthly basis, he NEVER and I mean NEVER gave me the time of day, would not look at me, no smile, no hello, no good morning, NOTHING when I was MO.  He would walk by me like I was invisible. NOW the narcissistic ***** tries to chat me up all the friggin time, he comes early to his meeting time with my boss so he can chat to me. I want to throat punch him.  Also the girl that has the office beside me, she is a super health nut, she eats really good, works out a ton and in her "spare" time teaches Zumba.  She used to be miss chatterbox with me, she was very nice and we talked all the time about anything and everything when I was MO.  As I started to lose weight and as it started to show she started to pull away, it was slow at first but then one day she just stopped talking to me.  POOF, she was done with me now that I am slim & fit.  So horrible.

I don't like the random attention from men, I don't like how doors are opened for me now but before they were literally slammed in my face, no one ever held a door for me when I was MO, now guys are running to get to the door first to hold it for me.  I hate how my current MO friends treat me different like I have some sort of agenda. I hate that people think I have forgotten my "roots" meaning that I don't remember what it was like to walk up stairs and be out of breath and sweating after maybe six steps, like I have forgotten that I used to stuff my face with several slices of pizza and multiple sweets from the sweet table.  Now I get comments like 'Oh Daisy won't eat that, she's little miss healthy now'.  Sorry for sounding so negative, that's not me usually but I have totally experienced what you have and more. Its weird now.... Thank you for posting this, I am glad I am not the only one!!

I think that is one of the reasons I like OH so much, you people 'get' me and I 'get' you guys.

Have a great night!

Daisy

Thank you for venting with me a little.  It is really shocking to realize how much of my daily social world was altered by my weight and it makes me angry to think about all the judgmental things that have been thought about me for all these years.  I feel sort of like I have gained "thin privilege" and want to start a champagne to end the oppression of my people...but my people kicked me off the island and would resent it if I tried to go back to the old neighborhood. 

The doctor you have to deal with...it makes me happy he will never get a date with you! Let him pout about missing out all he wants.  He is a jerk.

On the positive side, I also have realized that many of the people I have known all these years really aren't jerks.  There are many folks I've worked with for years who treat me just the same and I value them even more now for that. Change lets us see the true colors of those around us and of ourselves.  Focusing on the positive relationships is my goal.

Have a fabulous day!

~Elizabeth

I also don't have a personality that invites comment, so generally no one says a thing to me. I'm pretty uninteresting.

I do notice people tend to be a bit more civil, which I attribute to the whole fat=lazy bias. 

Oh irony!  Now I am super interested in you! I find that the most wonderful people generally are fully unimpressed with themselves. I hope you have a really great day and I would love to get to know you better.

~Elizabeth

I have noticed some things as well....

Men hold the door open for me a lot more often, young men as well. I also get offers to help me with things (Like putting my luggage in the overhead on the plane) where I wouldn't have been offered before.

Even in stores, the salespeople are more forth coming with their offers to help. Just had an experience at NY and Co yesterday, that made me think of that...

I have no problem with my close friends... it is the other people who are in your life on a weekly or monthly basis can be interesting. I am surprised by some of the people who are so supportive as well as those who are not. It is not always who you are expecting.

There is this one 'old-timer' at the hospital support group who would give me the side-look as I was losing weight. She has lost 165lbs and kept it off for like 9 years...and is 70 yrs old. But she does not look text book 'thin'... That weight loss and maintenance is amazing, and she has never had a regain......As I have kept coming to support and esp. in the last 6 months she has changed her tune and is very supportive and happy for me... I am so surprised because for the first 1+ years I was getting the side-look.

We have some community support groups I go to as well. Many of the people are lovely, but it becomes awkward sometimes when people have fallen short of where they want to be...and are stagnating... and you have kept on going. Side-eye... kind of like, "Are you still losing weight?" (Yes, it has been said to me more than once)  ...I am not judging where they are, and I would like to encourage them to keep going, but there is this wall....

My gynecologist is ridiculously supportive of me...he gets so excited for me, every time I see him. When I had lost like 170lbs he said- "you have lost more than I weigh...it was like you were carrying me on your back'... it was horrifying and funny at the same time. Knowing him a long time, I know he was trying to be supportive. I give him kudos, because he never made me feel bad about my weight... and face it at the GYN office is a place it is easy to feel bad.

So yes, this new world can be weird.

Weird...delightful...surprising...exciting!  Things will never be the same as prior to the surgery and that is pretty fun to think about. I am glad to know other folks have been feeling some of the same things. Have a wonderful day!

~Elizabeth

It's so great to read that we've all had such similar experiences.  Not that I'm glad about all of them, but it's great to know that we aren't alone, you know?

One thing I realized after writing my earlier reply is that people may be responding more positively to me simply because I'M more positive.

At 70+ lbs heavier (I'm not at goal yet) I was perpetually tired and in pain, and often impatient or even grouchy.  I'm sure that showed on my face and in my body language, and people can't help but respond to and reflect that.

In addition, I rarely felt good enough about myself to take pains with makeup or hair, and I lived in the same 2 stretch black Tshirt & stretch black pants (with some version of a loose-fitting jacket or cardigan over the top) all the time.  (I refused to buy decent larger clothes when I got to above a size 28; plus there isn't much to pick from at that size, anyway!).

Now I walk around grinning most of the time, with a bounce in my step, and at least some minimal makeup most days (I've never had much patience for primping, LOL).  My clothes are fairly nice and other than pants kind of falling off, they fit me pretty well (thank goodness I saved all those smaller sizes for "someday" after all!).  I FEEL pretty and upbeat, and thus my face & body language are probably a lot more inviting to people.

Realizing this has helped me let go of the anger I initially felt about how poorly people had treated me before.

Holy crow! I hadn't even thought about that but you are totally right.  I bet I am projecting a much more positive attitude! Hmmm thinking deep thinks now and feeling less frustrated.  Thank you.

~E

RNY Elizabeth thank you for posting. Some men are the worst...and it seems that fat skinny green blue the looks the words the stares the comments etc don't go away. TalkingMountain you are speaking volumes of mountains! I believe you are absolutely correct!. I say that because now that I am still obese I continue to get all sorts of looks from men, women of all races! I don't wear revealing or tight clothing. I'm told just about every day or when I see or meet new people I am pretty and that I have a really adorable face that people are somehow drawn to. 

All my life I got mean looks from girls and now mean looks from women. Stares and odd looks from women and people who just stare at my face when first meeting me. Sometimes I forget that I am pretty because I don't see my face all day the way others do. And so when others just stare at me upon seeing me I'm a bit taken back. Just yesterday I got an invitation to dinner from a stranger and another guy recently proposed marriage. I was a bit scardey of the big guy who followed me in Dollar General last week, and the other creepy jerk who followed me home in my vehicle. I'm use to it because it's been going on for decades, but I take precautions and don't let comments or stares or stalkers get to me. 

So it does not matter what size you are it's how people react to you. You all have me extra worried now because of the added attention I may get when all the weight comes off. Unfortunately we women go through this on a daily basis. I think I now understand why some cultures cover their women. It has been happening to me all my life and I guess I don't let it bother me too much. I will continue to be kind and engaging and helpful to people I see each day, and be cautious of the creepy ones.