Anyone else catching side eye?

As I have changed in weight I have noticed significant changes in how people in the world interact with me. Most of the changes are positive, some are slightly creepy, and a few are really hurtful.  

Some of the positive...

People tend to smile at me first. Prior to this I would smile a big smile and people would return it.  Now I have noticed people always tend to be smiling before I even make eye contact. I'm a people observer and a counselor by profession so I am always watching body language and social engagement levels. People, co-workers, patients, and even strangers on the street, are definitely more engaged with me than before.

Compliments have always been challenge for me to accept but boy do I have the opportunity to practice more now.  People love to compliment my outfit, my hair, my body, and my ideas WAY more than before. This can get creepy but in general it is positive.

My bosses have started taking my ideas more seriously and are discussing promotions with me. I am the same worker I have always been but now they view me through a different lens.  Weird but good.

Some of the creepy...

Really really really I don't want to discuss the changes in my breast size with my geriatric patients.  Not one but many little old men want to have this conversation with me while staring at my body.  Creepy!

Random guys on the street tend to twist their necks to watch me walk by.  Perhaps women who have always been closer to the cultural standard of 'beauty' are accustomed to this.  For me it is a bit creepy.  Random guy on the stree****ch where you are walking, don't hurt yourself with the gawking!

Some of the hurtful...

Other women have begun to give me 'side eye.' I feel lonely for the everyday companionship I once had with other women.

The ones who are over weight and knew me before are distant, resentful, and treat me like a traitor. I've had several friends who just don't return my calls anymore.  Apparently it isn't fun to hang out with me now because they assume I am looking down at them or feeling 'better than.' Nope...I really am still me but it isn't comfortable for them to be around me. Sad but nothing I can do about that but keep calling and waiting for them to get through their own issues.

Other women who are over weight that I have never met before give me side eye too.  They seem to see me as "one of those" women who doesn't know what it is like to be heavy. I get it.  When I was heavier I had a hard time seeing thinner women as 'regular down to earth' women too. I know what they are feeling.  I remember feeling it.  I also had no idea how much of my own issues I was wedging between myself and other women based on my own assumptions about 'thin people.' Maybe karma is using this as a way to teach me about my biases. 

Other women who are not over weight...well I never tried to talk to them before so I have no idea how to try to now. That is hurtful because I know that is my own fault. I am working on it but honestly I still feel like a fat girl so they all seem 'too pretty' to want to be my friend. Uhg! So many weird internal issues. 

Have any of you had experiences like these? Good, blah, and icky? Am I the only one?

~Elizabeth

I completely understand your post.  I have had the same experiences.

Let me preface my reply by saying that I'm observant in general...I promise I'm not a dingbat. ( Though I DO have my moments. )

I don't notice any difference in how people interact with me except for maybe the hygienists at my dentist's office. My family and I have been patients there since 2011, which was 2 years before my RNY. They were always very, very nice...and that hasn't really changed except they're just super excited for me-even now. ( I've got 4 kids, two of which I still drive to the dentist..the others are grown and take themselves, and with the amount of dental work we've had done, apparently, they see me often. ) They always exclaim at how fabulous I look...etc. In a way, they've been my biggest cheerleaders. It's always tickled me.

Generally, I'm guess I'm not super observant of other people's reactions to me, and never really was unless it was something very distinctive. ( for both negative and positive reactions. ) Maybe people don't really smile at me or engage me very often because I have a *****y resting face. Seriously, most of the candid photos I've seen of me look like I'm contemplating all sorts of evil deeds. Maybe I'm just not approachable. I'm okay with that.

I don't turn men's heads when I'm out in public, not that I've seen anyway. I've been fortunate enough not to have any creepy interactions with men that I remember. I have had 2 compliments from strangers....and one of them was when I was still very early out. I have gotten a couple of "looks" while in my car, but I think it's more because of the car itself rather than the driver. ( Little red convertible sports car. )

I have been really lucky with my friends and family not treating me differently. It took one or two of my best friends a few months to feel at ease with the "new" me in public because the group dynamic changed, and I was expecting that. My group of besties and I all met as heavy women. We were all single too. Now, 10 years later, we're all either married or involved. I think one of my friends thought I'd no longer want to be friends with her because she's heavy...once she figured out I hadn't changed personality wise...she was fine.

I don't think I get the side-eye from strangers, or other women. I 've never gotten the sense that some heavier women have ever looked at me thinking I was a "skinny *****" People can make all the assumptions about me that they want...doesn't matter a bit to me.

I don't work anymore, so  I don't have co-workers reacting to changes I've gone through. I haven't seen most of my family back home in 6 years, so I imagine they'll be speechless if we go back this summer for a visit, even though they've seen pictures of me thinner.

 I may have gotten out of one ticket due to my being a thinner woman, but maybe the cop was just nice anyway. Lord knows I didn't try to get out of it. I totally deserved one....lol. ( Apparently, he'd been pursuing me for a few miles...oops. I was jamming out. Dingbat moment, for sure. )

Just yes.

I'm starting to get weirded out by some stuff. I keep getting comments like I wish I had your willpower. To which I always respond, "well it's surgically induced!" What am I supposed to say to that!? Yeah, I have a **** ton of will power after 33 years of NOT having ANY.

I don't pick up on the positive so much because I generally think negatively towards myself so I've got nothing there...but the hurtful ones I can just say yes to. I always feel like I'm a misfit from the island of misfit toys though, I don't really 'fit' anywhere so this is just another one of those things.

Oh how I wish I could give myself a break sometimes. Just take comfort in knowing you are not the only toy on this island. Have a fabulous day today!

~Elizabeth

I don't have the sort of personality that invites personal remarks from people, and while you would have thought I was a supermodel when dating - 6ft, blonde, English accent are premium apparently - I generally don't have men chasing me down the street lol.

I'm very much a girl's girl, and so rarely get much negativity from other women.  Maybe I just skip through a unicorn life not noticing???

Great point.  I have one of 'those' personalities that finds me having deep conversations with random strangers daily.  I think that is why I went into counseling, I hear the troubles of the world anyway so I may as well do it at a professional level. Enjoy your unicorn day!!

~Elizabeth

Luckily I haven't experienced the negative "side eye" stuff.  But honey do I know what you mean with the other things!  People are NICE to me... even before I'm nice to them!  It's amazing how differently you get treated by strangers when you are not morbidly obese (I'm only 1/2 way to goal), but am now in the realm of "typical" overweight...definitely at this point "she's fat" is not the first thing one would notice about me anymore.

Also men have started flirting with me, sometimes men who are really hot and younger too!  Fortunately my husband is very secure and gets a kick out of it, so I just roll with it and enjoy it.  I was afraid it would freak me out but it's actually been quite fun.  Fortunately no one's made any inappropriate "compliments;"  oddly enough I got that fairly often when I was much more overweight.  I think then I came across as more of a doormat so men would think it was ok to comment on the "great way that sweater fits you" etc.  Plus then I had boobs (like F cup) and now I'm a B-C cup (and loving it).  Hope that's not TMI!

Not TMI at all!  I sometimes think my breasts raised their hands and said "I volunteer as tribute!" I used to be a 44E cup and now I am a 36D.  I miss the old girls but my back and hips are glad to carry these new smaller ones. Have a really fun day!

~Elizabeth

Your post brought tears to my eyes as I totally understand. I have ppl asking me all the time if I am sick. Do they not know that I was sick and in pain when I was 100 lbs heavier? I am finding that some overweight friends of mine do not talk to me. I feel bad b/c I have been there.