Partially broken and somewhat terrified...

Hello!

I am new here. I've been reading for awhile, but haven't posted anything, so I thought why not? I'm an RN and I am still FREAKING out about all of this.

I was initially planning on having the sleeve done. I started my 6 month diet in November and just completed it on 04/01/16. My starting weight was 270 and I now weigh 235. My husband left in January- - we got married 10/15. Since then I have had no appetite and would only eat bites of food and drink plenty of water.

I recently decided to start at least partially doing the surgery diet which has been Muscle Milk for breakfast and lunch - either the 32 gram protein one or 40 gram one then a smaller portion of whatever dinner I cook for my kids.

I had an EGD and colonoscopy done about 3.5 weeks ago due to the appetite problem along with vomiting/diarrhea which I now realize were emotional symptoms of the separation. They found all kinds of non-cancerous polyps, 1 small hiatal hernia, and a "small" amount of Barrett's Esophagus. Oy. Since then I was put on Protonix 40 mg daily and have still struggled with digestion, no appetite and now, constipation. Hooray. (Not.)

So the surgeon's office calls and says I can't have the sleeve because of the Barrett's and have to change to the Roux. I flipped out. Started crying even on the phone. I am so afraid of dumping, malabsorption issues as well as all of the horror stories I've heard from patient's and through the grapevine about the Roux.

I am looking at having surgery within the next 4-8 weeks, probably and I just want to hear other people's stories. Will this be worth all of it in the end? I no longer want "fat" to be an adjective that describes me as I've been "fat" since birth. Is it hard to get over the emotional component of overeating, negative self talk, etc? Will I look at myself naked and be horrified by sagging skin so much so that I wish the fat filled it again?

When I was at my heaviest I weighed 272 at 5 feet 6.5 inches and 52 years of age. I had diabetes,uncontrolled high blood pressure, high cholesterol and high triglycerides. I had been obese my whole life. I was winded going down my basement steps! I had surgery August 29,2012. It was the best decision I ever made. I no longer have back and knee pain every day and my blood sugar and triglycerides and cholesterol are perfect. My blood pressure is perfect on one low dose pill. I have had no complications. I am one of the small number of people who dump on added sugar but it is a blessing because it makes it so much easier to say no to the sweets that kept me obese my whole life. I feel and look like a new person! In less than 9 months I lost 150 pounds and weigh 120 pounds today. I went from a size 28 to a size 0 and walk 4 miles a day for fun now! It's not an easy journey because it takes work to make good food choices and keep moving but it is totally doable. I'm thankful for my surgery every day. I'm including a before and after picture too!

You are such an inspiration! I am having my surgery on May 3rd.

Oh my goodness! 150 lbs! Wow! :D That is awesome. How's your skin? Did you have to have surgery to repair?

I do have some saggy skin but with a camisole it doesn't look too bad. I'm 56 now and don't have plans to have any plastic surgery unless I get a windfall from somewhere. The only thing I would even consider is a tummy tuck. I feel so much better it was definitely worth it!

Thanks for your feedback. :) I am already planning on plastic surgery but hoping I don't need it. I was telling a friend today I wouldn't know how to explain a melted candle body to a potential relationship because I have seen many women not disclose anything about the surgery to people they are dating. Not that I plan on dating any time soon!

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time.  Do you have a therapist?  It's probably a good idea to help with the negative self-talk, marriage separation, etc.  You want to be in the best physical and mental state for WLS.  The first few weeks can wreak havoc on your emotions.  

I, too, wanted the sleeve.  I went under the knife thinking that's what I was having.  I did not want the RNY.  Both of my parents had it and they constantly were throwing up, bowel issues, horrible gas, etc.  I ended up having to have the RNY because of an obstruction/kink in my sleeve.  I was so depressed for the first few weeks.  I didn't get the surgery I wanted.  Guess what?  I am so happy now that I had the RNY.  I have no issues that my parents have because I follow the rules (mostly).  I'm not perfect, but I see that they failed their surgeries, not the other way around.  

Stick around, you'll learn lots here and get good support.

Yes! I have been seeing a therapist for awhile. The psych eval was a joke... I think I even schooled him a bit. I suppose I shouldn't have expected much but it did cost me 213 dollars. lol I am so glad to hear your story. I had it in my head that the sleeve would be oh so much better with less complications and now I just have to think a different way.

wow - you are going through a lot!!   I am so sorry to hear that!!

not everyone dumps.  I've heard the 30% figure thrown around a lot (as in...only 30% of RNY patients dump).   And it's easily controllable as long as you stick to your eating plan.  I've never dumped.

I don't know what percentage of people have complications, but many don't have any.   I suspect people who have them are vocal about them - whereas people who never have them don't say anything.  I had a stricture early out - but that's minor and an easy fix.

I know complications were a lot more common years ago - but the techniques have improved quite a bit over the years, and the surgery has become fairly routine.  I just don't think serious complications are all that common anymore.  

I am really only afraid of dumping because I am a home care nurse and I have to rely on clean homes and gas stations to use the restroom. I guess I am partially afraid of the loss of control as well. In my line of work, I worry about every surgery or even being put under for a procedure such as an EGD/colonoscopy, etc. Thanks for your reply.