One Week Post-Surgery, need some support!

Hello Everyone!

I am brand new on here, and I've never done anything like this, so bear with me. :)

I had my bypass done one week ago today.  Physically, I'm doing great- I've lost 17 lbs already, I'm healing well, and the pain is going away.  

My issue is mind hunger (is that a thing?)  I'm not physically hungry, but I actually cried in bed the other night when my husband ordered a pizza because it smelled so good and I couldn't eat it.  Every other commercial on TV is food and it all looks so amazing and I just miss food I can chew!

I'm also not feeling a ton of support from my husband...  He made homemade spaghetti sauce while I was on my 3-day pre-op liquid diet (when I was starving!), ordered aforementioned pizza, and took his mom out to eat at my favorite restaurant.  I know this seems silly, but that really upset me.  He has stated that he is really upset that I've had this surgery because his favorite thing to do is eat (he is Italian with amazing metabolism), and he can't share that with me anymore.

So, long story long, has anybody else had similar issues?  And how did you deal with them?  I worry about my long term success with these kinds of mental issues with food.  Or will it get better when I can start having food again?  I'm just so afraid of having made the wrong choice...

Thank you!

I had my surgery at Christmas time -- can you imagine?  I was on the pre-op diet through Thanksgiving and Christmas and had surgery on New Year's Eve.  I remember crying a few times after surgery, too.  

It is hard -- and you aren't alone in your feelings.  

I am sorry that your husband is being unsupportive.  My best advice is to avoid going to the mountains if you want to vacation at a beach.  In other words, since your husband is unable to support you (the mountains) then you will need to go to the beach (support groups, online, etc) --  No one person can be all the things to us.  You may need to get support elsewhere.  

Now that you've had surgery it's time to change your .relationship with food. I used an eating disorder counselor, this site and several books to help guide me -- and I cannot stress enough how important it is to find the support you need sooner rather than later. So many people go into surgery believing that it will "cure" them and make them "normal" -- but it doesn't. All those feelings you have now, all those stresses and the anxiety -- and your way of coping with them exist after surgery.  That's why we have to do the headwork to make lasting change.  It's worth it.  Honest.

Take heart.  You aren't the first person who has felt these feelings.  You are WORTH THE EFFORT.  

Hugs.

This was lovely. Well said!

Thank you so much! That was very helpful, and gave me another tear.  I swear, I'm not always this emotional, lol.  And major kudos to you for going through this during the holidays!

Everything in the beginning is overwhelming and emotional....it WILL get better. Before you know it, you will be eating with your husband.  You will be very mindful of your choices and your portions, but life does get back to being more normal after a few months,( it might not seem like it now)

Head hunger is REAL and it takes time to deal with.  You have to keep reminding yourself of why exactly you chose WLS . I'm sure you were fed up living the way you were living and wanted a better life.

Pizza smells good....yes, it's likely my favourite thing too...but it didn't make you a happier better person then...and it won't now.  If you want change and to be sucessful in this journey you will stick to your plan.  Portion out and plan your food each day..and when it's gone it's gone......if it's not written in your daily plan.....you don't eat it.

This process is huge mentally, emotionally and physically.  These new changes aren't easy, we all will make mistakes, we will all feel frustrated and weak at times....but just think of it as trying to make one good choice after another. Day after day new habits build, cravings decrease, you forget your old life and realize all the amazing things that are now happening in your new life and how much better eating clean makes you feel.( like the 17lbs you've lost already-CONGRATS!!)  

In my marriage we used food as our ONLY source of fun, entertainment and social time.  We had to find new hobbies and as I got thinner there were soo many things I wanted to do and places I wanted to go. It's an adjustment for you both.  Keep communicating !!! 

Thank you!  We have always been the same when it comes to food as entertainment.  Our date nights have always been dinner and a movie, complete with popcorn and candy.  Or having a few beers at our local pool hall, since we both play.  I think he is afraid that we won't have anything to do together anymore, and I know that we'll just have to find new places to go and see!  And this site has already helped me, I feel such a weight lifted after reading the replies I've received so far.  Thank you!!

Ditto what Kat W said.  Awesome post.    Also, don't forget that it's not uncommon for things like depression, anxiety, etc. to rear their ugly rears after surgery.  You're body's been thru so much and losing the weight makes the hormones go wacky for a bit.  I was a crying, whining mess and didn't even get dressed for the first few weeks!  It does get better - don't be afraid to get a therapist and post here a lot!

Thank you!  I'm exactly one month behind you, so if you're feeling better I know that sunnier days are near ahead!  

It is rough in the beginning. Although my husband was supportive of my surgery, he would come home and eat fast food right in front of me. He got annoyed when I asked him if he could eat it in another room and told me he didn't realize it was going to affect his life so much. I told him to get over it, it wasn't forever, and he should have some empathy about how it was affecting me.  

Just know that in time you will get to enjoy eating out and other activities too. I was trying to find the "perfect" time to schedule my surgery and realized that there would never be a perfect time, so I just scheduled it and made it work. One of my daughters graduated from college 3 weeks after my surgery. We had to go out of town for the weekend to attend, had out of town visitors (which required lots of meals out in restaurants), and a 7 hour drive to move her to her new home.  I packed protein powder, vitamins, lots of water and made it work. I went out with the family every meal because it was important for me to spend time with everyone. The doctor said I was ready to try some food at that point (actual food), so I just told the restaurant what I needed (even though it wasn't on the menu). They made a scallop skewer for me one place and it seemed to be pretty easy to eat. I found fish very easy to digest early on too. Beef jerky also worked for me at this point.  I would nibble on a couple of pieces to keep my energy up and satisfy the chewing urge. 

Later on in my journey, I would just order an appetizer of shrimp or something along those lines. Just tell the restaurant what you want and they will make it for you. Eating out is important in our family, so I wanted to make it work and not feel like I gave up everything. Now, one of my daughters will usually split a meal with me, so that works great (and still is too much food), but the leftovers go to my husband.

It will get better. This was lifechanging for me and I hope it is for you. You can do it, be successful, and still feel like you a part of the family. Just get through the early stages and it will get better.

Good luck on your journey.

Everone here is doing sucha great job describing all the feelings we have during our jorney.

But as much as we are dealing with so are  our spouces. I lost mine in the prosses, would it gave happened any how? Probably, but I did not help. 

He being a mans man had no clue nor would he have told me how scared he was. So much was changing in our life! I was in pain and struggling which he had no idea would happen nor how to desl with it. Afterall this was suppose to fix that! And make me happy! Plus I was a out to be more desirable to other men, that insecurity is hard on them!

I am 9 years out and remarried but the struggle continues. I still struggle eating out, participating in holidays and parties. But I talk to my husbsnd about it. Now he sends me menus in advance so I can make a healthy choice without the pressure of a waiter and at parties I bring stuff I can eat. My husband is not into exercise so I consider that my time.

Things get better as you learn your new body, just remember to talk to him, most husbsnds love to feel needed and ask him for help. Tell him how much you love his sauce and for the future ask him to hell yiu learn how you can still enjoy it.

Good luck! I/You are worth all if thus and deserve and can be happy!!