marriage and wls?
I have been reading lots of wls blogs and youtube vlogs...still waiting for my surgery. Many, many people seem to have divorced after wls. Is it just me, or is that a real trend? I am not worried particularly, I am very happily married, but I thought it would be good to talk about possible upcoming issues....any thoughts?
we have been happily and solidly married for 44 years this year.s.
DH was nothing but supportive during my surgeries and post op periods. He remains my best supporter eNo ven now.
We knew there was no concern about our divorcing after WLS so there was no issue. Did I change? Yes, in many ways. Dis it change my marriage? Yes, in positive ways. Was DH ok with those changes? Yes, because he has always wanted only the best for me.
if a spouse feels threatened, it is usually a control issue with them. If they canno longer control the one who is changing, thecontroller won't be happy and one or the other might endthemarrige.
I had a very happy marriage before and I think that has made it better. I really don't think it is the surgery that creates the divorce, I think some people may get more confident and if things weren't great to start with they may decide to make a change. I say if you are happily married you will be fine. It is good to go over things with your husband in advance so he knows what to expect. I went to all the classes by myself that was just my choice, I shared the information with him. He has been extremely supportive. Good Luck on your Journey, I am sure it will be great.
the common wisdom often cited re: relationships and WLS is that WLS can make good relationships better, and bad ones worse, and ultimately end. this makes alot of sense to me considering the emotional changes that WLS brings.
but some complementary common knowledge is that immature and inexperienced people who have WLS sometimes "go wild" after the surgery. i think that phenomenon contributes to the relationship situation.
all of this is anecdotal. i've seen it alot (the old days on this site were like the wild west of relationships), but i don't know that its been studied with any rigor. as with most things human behavior related, common sense is the best teacher.
personally, i had ended a long and terrible relationship just prior to my WLS. after WLS i dated alot, and eventually met my husband. my WLS experience definitely contributed to my emotional growth.
i think as a general rule its always a good idea to share your concerns with your spouse. you'll be going through this together so having an open line of communication is key.
Married over 30 yrs now and WLS had very little impact on our marriage. Now I am disabled and unable to do much of anything around the house or go much of anywhere but hubby is still here and has stepped in to cover what I can no longer do. In a good marriage you concentrate one the marriage not on the 2 people in the marriage. The marriage is a unit on its own that both work at, not 2 units working seperately for their own satisfaction. When we said until death do us part, we meant every word of it, we made a commitment to the marriage. So if your marriage is good now it will most likely be just as good if not better after surgery.
