I'm broken, aren't I?

RNY was March 23rd, making today my 1 week surgiversary. I am down 11lbs, 24lbs total since starting pre-op diet. 

I got home from the hospital at 11am on Thursday (the next day) where I opened my first protein shake. I didn't fini**** until Friday morning. I started a second one and finished it Saturday. Finally on Saturday I managed an entire shake over an hour. I was so lightheaded, dizzy, and just exhausted. I opened a shake Sunday and couldn't even take a sip without gagging so bad that I got sick. I didn't eat anything the rest of the day and couldn't stand up without almost falling over. Still not able to stomach my shakes, I decided I was going to move on to week 2 of the post-op diet plan. I tried a few bites of unsweetened applesauce ans cottage cheese (using a baby spoon), and thinned out the mashed potatoes I made my family for dinner that night. Since then I slowly introduced greek yogurt (added to the mashed potatoes), high-protein low-sugar oatmeal, SF Pudding, and pea soup. It has gone great, I even added some ice and peanut butter to a shake this morning and was able to fini**** after blending it up! I have 105g of protein logged for today. I finally feel human for the first time in a week. 

Today I posted in a "support" group on FB, wondering if anyone had fast tracked their post-op diet, mentioning that my dietician encourages moving on to the next step quickly if you can, and was basically torn to shreds. I wasn't asking for validation, I wasn't asking for pitty, or even advice, I simply wanted to know if anyone else had because I had a follow up question. Instead I was told to call my Dr but not to expect anyrhing good to come of it, that I was risking my life by not following the plan, etc. When I pointed out that my post clearly stated that my dietician encourages it, I was told I was angry that they weren't validating me, that I was an addict who was failing, essentially. The post was deleted because it was getting heated but I can't stop thinking of the things people were saying. I am thankful for the opportunity of this tool and I plan to use it the best way I can, for people to say things that make it seem like I'm not deserving and I'm failing myself really, really sucks.

I have read a LOT of threads, articles, forums and I can't help but think that I'm  broken because I *am* hungry, I do think it would be great to eat a piece of pizza right now, and I am looking forward to week 3's plan because scrambled eggs sound so good, I feel well enough physically that I wanted to have a bite of the chicken I made my husband and kids but I didn't, because I know that the pain and potentially harming my new stomach just isn't worth it. 

This isn't the first time I've posted in a group and felt shamed by the responses, it's really unsettling. People do get hungry again, people do eat pizza again, people do fall off the wagon. Why am I broken if this is so normal in life after WLS?

????

Nah, you're not broken.  Just go slow and trust your NUT and surgeon and you'll be fine.  The nerves in your stomach have been cut and the sensations are all screwy for a while - like 4-6 weeks, I think.  I felt hungry the first week or two also, and couldn't stand the protein shakes either - too sweet!  When I switched to unjury unflavored and added it to chicken broth and beef broth, things went much better.  I got in as much water as I could and then focused on the protein.  I couldn't wait to start on some pureed food and things got better from there.  Hang in there - it's going to get easier.  

Sweetie, you aren't broken. My doctor at the Mayo Clinic had me eating what you are eating before I left the hospital. I was told I was to eat my protein and no shakes . Each Dr. Is different. I am almost. 14 years post op. And actually 15 pounds below what my goal was. Here is my old lady advice. Shut down computer for a couple days. Take care of YOU! Go for walks, treat yourself to a new purse or something just for you. After surgery our emotions and hormones are all over the board and sometimes we just need a hug

As someone who is a little further out, and has seen both successes and failures post-op, I'd like to suggest that seeking a counselor who specializes in eating disorders and food issues is a great tool to add to your toolbox.  While I do not think you are "broken" -- I do read some red flag issues in your post.  I know a lot of people will pat your hand and tell you "there there --" -- but as someone who shared a lot of the same feelings that you posted post-op, I know how hard this next year -- not to mention maintenance is.  Lining up that support from someone who can really help deal with these feelings is not a sign of failure but a positive sign of having the courage to change our relationship with food.

It's not about "passing" or "failing" but using this wonderful honeymoon period to its greatest advantage.  Perhaps you are allowed to move ahead before it's time, but most plans are a bit more structured than that and for good reason.  Eating things like applesauce and mashed potatoes are really counter productive to your wonderful tool.  That combined with the fact that not only have you rushed to your second week's plan but are already champing at the bit to move to week 3 and thinking about pizza and chicken set off alarms that perhaps you need some extra support in your journey.  

In any case, I hope that you will at least consider my advice with the intentions of seeing you reach your fondest goals.  

Holy Moly Berry Sister.  Incredibly well said!  

I don't think you're broken, but I think you're pushing yourself way too fast. Your post shows that because you couldn't stomach the shakes you decided to move onto the next stage. Then there's something with the dietician encouraging you to move forward,quickly if you can? That doesn't seem like good advice., does your surgeon think its ok to move forward?

You won't feel anything right now which is why its so important to follow the plan. Your dietician encouraging you to move forward in the stages at a time when you can't feel anything & you're healing seems like bad advice.

If you're hungry maybe you need a ppi?, or a different one? Carbs will make you hungry, just keep that in mind the next time you eat applesauce/oatmeal.

I quit those nasty milky shakes and switched to Isopure and feel so much better. I want pizza too, but we know we aren't going to eat it.  I say those feelings are completely normal and to get as much protein in as you can along with your applesauce or Greek yogurts. Also when I get super starved for whatever yummy treats the fam is eating I chew sugar free desert gum, seems to help.  And have you tried the watermelon flavored sugar free Koolaid water enhancer?  Yummmmmm!  We clearly miss our good ol pal food, but we sure as heck won't miss the excess pounds he left behind.  Ignore the haters, they are just WLS know it all's.

I can guess which page you were on...they are not nice :(

My diet was totally as tolerated too. That was very confusing to me. I was still detoxing from a food addiction and the doctor was telling me to eat whatever I could handle...so I ran here. And took the guidance of the vets that are on this site. I have been very successful.

I highly doubt you are truly hungry. You are probably more mentally hungry.  I premeasure everything I eat and have it all ready to go that way there is no room to over eat.

Grim advises to sprint to your goal for long term success. I tucked that advice under my wing and ran for it. My one year is today and I am happy with where I am at. I am also taking the advice of the vets and not moving into maintenance until year 2...so only 365 days to go. I am scared for maintenance anyway.

I would also check out the daily what are we eating thread on this board. there are people in all phases of weight loss on it and I got so many ideas.

Forget those random strangers on the fb page, I am always amazed what people will say online that they would never say in person.

Thanks everyone. 

Here, when your family Dr refers you for WLS you are paired with a team to be assessed for surgery; a dietician, a Dr, and a personal trainer. They all meet with you and decide if you're fit for surgery, they then get together to discuss and send their recommendation to the weight management at the hospital. Your file is picked up by 1 of 4 surgeons who then has the final say in whether or not you will have surgery. After surgery you are followed by the team that assessed you, on their terms for the first year, then you have access to them as needed after that. The surgeon doesn't follow you after, that's up to the team that assessed you. 

What my dietician means when he said he encourages moving on quickly is that he doesn't want us to depend on shakes to hit our goals,  he wants our protein to come from real food. Would he be ok if I never had a shake or even tried for a few days? No. But I know that he will be fine with the 3.5-4 days and then moving on. I intend to not move on from week 2 to week 3 until the actual week 3 because I am doing well with this stage and while I absolutely am looking forward to adding in other foods, I also understand that I need to train myself to eat because I HAVE to and not because I WANT to. I felt good about my plan until posting in that group. 

As for what I've eaten; the applesauce was once, there isn't enough nutritional value for me to make it a regular food in my week 2 diet. I had 3-4 "bites" while feeding my 10 month old, using his baby spoon. Mashed potatoes were the same deal, since there were leftovers I divided them in to containers that were a little less than 1/4c and added a tbsp of plain greek yogurt to thin them out. 3-4 bites while feeding the rest to the baby. I haven't made a meal out of anything but the soup. Everything has 1/2 - 1 full tbsp of unflavored whey protein powder added to it. I only serve myself 1/4c of something 3x a day and it's always shared with the baby, always.  

I do worry about the fact that I sometimes feel like "hmm, I'm hungry" or "pizzaaaaa" because I really expected to not be hungry or drawn to old cravings, I remind myself that once I'm healed that should change.

I killed my protein goal yesterday, knocked it out of the park. I haven't given in, I won't give in, and I guess I was really put off by being labelled as a failure when I felt like I was actually doing well. I don't think that speaking to a counselor is a bad idea, I believe everyone can benefit from therapy, so I'll talk to the Dr when I see him on Monday about speaking with their social worker that's on staff. 

I appreciate that you were all able to offer advice and express concern while still being supportive. I've been without my anxiety meds since surgery so while I'm not usually sensitive to things people say on the Internet, it has been a lonely few days of feeling like I'm the only one in my situation, made worse by PPD and the normal roller-coaster of emotions after a major surgery like this. 

I could not drink shakes either, my surgery was 3/21 and I still cant stomach the idea. I drank them for a month between the pre-op diet and then one week after. When I went back to the nutritionist for my 1 week checkup, I was advanced to stage 2 whi*****luded all the liquidy stuff from stage one and also added cottatage cheese with no sugar added apple butter and eggs any way I like them (not made with salt or butter. That was a huge help to me. I am still not hitting my protein goal and according to the docs, it is A-OK! They don't expect me to be doing that 100% for a few weeks yet. On top of all that, a major reason was because there weren't any bowel movements happening. They are still not happening! So if you are not going regularly that could be a huge part in why you can't stomach a lot of foods. Although, i see you are feeling hungry. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about the hunger feeling but I would satisfy those feelings with protein based foods, not mashed potatoes or pea soup. That's the only "flaw" I can see there. Besides, if you are losing weight continuously...screw the facebook folks and their opinions! ;-)