Frustrated - feel like a science experiment

So today, three people who are 'friends' send me messages. "How much weight have you lost? Oh, I can't wait to see how different you look! Did you lose weight yet? I read that you should lose like two pounds a day! " - my response was to just respond that I don't know. I'm not weighing myself.

im frustrated. I am feeling like people are watching me.

To top it all off, I am almost a week out and feeling extremely lonely and pretty much abandoned. My immediate family haven't bothered to call since I've got out of the hospital. My 'friends' who promised to visit and stop in ...never did either.

its frustrating.

so this seems to be the safe place to rant.

How do you all handle it?

i live in a very small town, and everyone knows what you're doing. 

I don't want everyone to only care what I look like or how much weight I've lost. How about they stop in, visit? Ask how the diabetes is going?

its just so frustrating! 

Thank you you for listening,

Lisa

I'm so sorry that you're having problems with your "friends". Sometimes the only person you can rely on is yourself. The only thing I can suggest is the next time one of your friends ask how much weight you lost just tell them I'll know at my next Dr appointment & then don't tell them when you go to the Dr. 

Re direct their question. For example ooh how much did you lose today?, oh I lost the size of your ego, which is a lot! Did you see such n such?, etc. Ok maybe not the ego thing, but I think you get the idea. Really, they shouldn't be all up in your business anyway., they must want something to gossip about.

Thank you!

Gossip is a mainstay in my town, unfortunately.

ultimately. I wish people would be supportive instead of nosey and that my family would care enough to check in. I mean, my mom hasn't even come to see me. It makes recovering a bit difficult. 

Again thank you! I will redirect their questions back to them. 

My advice, FWIW, is to never discuss how much weight you have lost.  It opens the door for people to constantly ask.  A simple "no idea", will let people know that it's not a subject to be broached.

You make it difficult if you discuss it one time and then don't want to another, although obviously it's your right to do so.

Consistency is the key.

Hey Lisa!  How do I handle it?   Well, at first I was thinking I'd keep it all a big secret and tell no one that I was having an RNY.  But, then I realized that what I really wanted from others is their support.  So, I put a post up on FB and let everyone know what was going on.  I told them up front that I'd appreciate their support.  And, you know what?  I haven't gotten much either.  The people who normally want to be around me, those that really care, are there.  And the others I now consider to be more like gawkers, looking for a good show.  Not really interested in a real friendship with me.  They are acquaintances not really friends or what I consider family.  So, I let them be and don't even look to them for support.  I come here, and I also talk in person with those 2-3 people IRL who truly care - those that'll call me if I don't call them.  I now feel that telling them, "i don't know how much I've lost - I'm not weighing myself until I go to the doctor".  If they press further, just tell 'em call me after my dr. appt to find out!  HA!  I know it sounds pretty cynical, but I truly believe that the people who are meant to be part of our lives will make the effort to be there.  For the rest, that's there own problem.  It hurts esp. when it's family doing the ignoring, but I'm lowering my expectations of them and it helps.  I'm just not that high of a priority for them, I guess.  But, it's ok 'cause I'm a high priority for me now!  I deserve to be treated well and I deserve to have people in my life *****ally do care.  It's a great way to sort out who's who!  Hang in there!

Thank you! I needed your words. It sounds like we are the same.

i have no intention of hiding that I had rny done, but I also expected people to be a little less inquisitive and. More supportive. Small town. I guess nosiness is to be expected. 

My dad and mom split when I was 18, since then neither really bother unless they need something. So here I am, now 41 years old, mom to two girls and doing it on my own. With no family support. I do have a good job and am pretty successful, but it's times like this when I'm 'hurt' or 'sick' that I'd really love to be cared for.

grateful that o had one complications and have been able to drive and support myself. Also grateful for these boards. You all help more than you'll ever know.

Hi,

I think some people are worried that you are going to lose weight and be skinny (as one of my friends said). She didn't like the idea that I was going to lose weight. And as she said she would be left behind. I had to tell her that it is just a tool that was given to me and by no means an easy thing to do.

We make choices in our lives and I wanted to improve my health which was very important to me.  I don't hear from friends much either.  The last person I talked to said (well you are no fun anymore, you can't eat much therefore you can't go out to eat anymore.) What a bunch of whoey I say.

We always have room to make new friends that like us just the way we are. Stick with us, we support each other!!

Rise'

If I had it to do over again, I would have not divulged so freely personal information generally asked out of snoopiness or curiosity more so than genuine concern. I love your answer, "I'm not weighing myself..." stick to it even if you are.  A friendly way to handle questions is to change the subject by asking the other persons questions about their life...attention can be shifted in a flash.  At only a week out of WLS, your friends may think it's too soon to visit? Enjoy the quiet time to concentrate on getting down all the required fluids, walking, resting, sleeping, and reading up on post-surgery instructions.  Yes, this place is a safe place to vent, ask questions, and get more advice than you may care to read. 

Thank you!

perhaps they are thinking it's too early to visit. My daughter told me ' why do you expect them to visit now, they didn't visit before? ' and she's right.

Just very lonely. 

Im ready to be back moving, and doing.

lol I don't do well staying still.

such wisdom from the mouths of babes.

It can be a surprise who is really there for you.  For the rest - say you are following doctors orders and I love the part about saying that you only weigh at the doctors office.

Hang in there  you will soon be feeling better