Hello everyone! I'm new here and I'd like to share some of my story and would like to have some feedback, if possible.

I am 44 years old, 5 feet and 1/2 inches tall and 220lbs. I was thin as a child and yound adult (weight avg. 105lbs), but developed PCOS after the birth of my first child. I was young, just 3 weeks shy of my 18th birthday when our daughter was born. That was a tough year: my beloved grandfather died in March, I graduated HS in June, had our daughter in August, got married in September, and moved out of my parents home to an apartment with my new husband and baby in November. It was a whirlwind, and I dealt with it the best way I could. I adore our daughter, who is now 26, but our lives changed so much in such a short time. I had already been accepted to a 4 year college, and the plan was to be a registered nurse, a dream which I had had since I was a very young child. That didn't happen. I did end up going to school for medical assisting when our daughter was 3, and did extremely well, achieving an academic honors diploma, all while working a full-time job, having a toddler, and going to school full-time. I had only been dating my then-boyfriend, later husband, for 6 weeks before we became pregnant. My relationship with him was intended to be a "rebound" situation, but became permanent. Please don't judge, and don't get me wrong, he is an amazing, wonderful, handsome, perfect husband for me and we've been married for more than 26 years now. I have prayed about this a lot, and I know that God chose this man for me by giving us a beautiful daughter, and I'm grateful for that, because left to me, I probably would have chosen the "wrong" person. I believe that this left me feeling like someone else planned my life for me and I wasn't sure it was the life I wanted, even though no one pushed me to keep my baby and marry my husband. I was the "good girl" so in my mind, the only option for an unplanned pregnancy was to marry the father and have the baby  - make the best of it. I still don't think that was the wrong decision, and I adore my family (we also had a son 10 years after our daugther was born). I have to wonder, though, what has caused me to more than double my weight in the last 26 years? I think it would be very short-sighted to believe that the cir****tances of that year so long ago and all of the years since then have had nothing to do with my weight gain. I had a Lap-Band placed in July of 2009, but I had to self-pay, and travel a long way to have the surgery, and I had next to no medical support after the surgery. I didn't achieve any gastric restriction for 8 months, and by then, I was "over it". The Lap-Band didn't fail, I did, again, as I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds over the years, always ending up heavier than I began. I love carbohydrates, sweets, fats, etc. Most of my family members (parents, paternal grandparents) are/were morbidly obese. My mother had gastric bypass 3 times (yes you read that correctly) and my father had it once. Yes, they lost weight. But they also experienced extreme nausea & vomiting with eating almost anything. In my mother's eyes, being "all the way thin" was the ONLY important thing in life - and AT ANY COST. They were both diabetic, my mother was controlled on oral medication, my father on insulin. They both were diabetes-free by the time they hit the recovery room, which is an amazing effect of the bypass. I was diagnosed with diabetes 1 year ago, hypertension 4 years ago. I've had acid reflux for many years. I am fully aware that I am heading right into heart disease, just as expected. My father died on Thanksgiving day 2015, just under 3 months ago - horribly difficult. He died of congestive heart failure, secondary to his loss of mobility. He stopped walking, and eventually became bed-bound. This was 10 years after his gastric bypass. I felt like we had taken away everything that made him happy in life. He stopped smoking in his 30's, stopped drinking in his 40's, had gastric bypass in his late 50's so he stopped enjoying food at the same time. He had very little enjoyment in life anymore. My mother developed a nosocomial infection during her gastric bypass, and nearly died from it. She was in and out of the hospital for the next 8 weeks. When she finally recovered from the infection and came home, she attempted suicide, and was almost successful. It was during the time while she was battling the infection that she developed her narcotic addiction. She attempted suicide once more in the past 9 years, and has had 2 additional, accidental drug overdoses (Morphine). She is now either "gorked-out" on Morphine (during the first 2-3 weeks of the month) or she's going through Morphine withdrawal (last 1-2 weeks of the month, when she has run out because she's taking too much) all the time.

I now drill down to the bedrock of my problem/question: I want to be healthy and strong for my family, and myself. I don't want to die at age 67 from heart disease, or anything else. I don't want to have hypertension and diabetes, and all of the problems that come along with those things and after. I clearly cannot/will not control my diet and excercise by myslef. I do believe that GB would work for me, in that I believe I would lose the weight, which would keep me motivated, and I fully believe I could reach my goal weight and get rid of the hypertension, reflux, and diabetes. But I am VERY FEARFUL that in doing all of that, I would become addicted to something else. Honestly, I feel it would be ok to be addicted to exercise, even though any addiction isn't good, but I feel like it's such a gamble - and I AM NOT A GAMBLING TYPE PERSON. I know that no one can answer the question of whether or not I should roll the dice and have gastric bypass or not,  but I sure wish someone could. I pray a lot, but I feel I don't have an answer on this issue.

I would appreciate any/all feedback that you folks have to offer. Please don't judge, I'm spilling my heart out. Thank you all so much.

0 Comments

Addiction is hard thing to go thru with family or yourself. My husband has an addictive personality and has gone from alchol to pain pills to meth. He has been clean for 14 months. I know the struggle your going thru since it sounds like addiction runs in your family.

I would recommend you discuss this with the potential surgeon that you would have the GB done with. Tell him your concerns and family history. Also maybe some counseling after the GB would help.

You hve to have faith in your yourself and find something like exercise or a hobby that would take place of an addiction.

Good luck in your adventure to feel better about yourself.

Hi,

I am in the process of having surgery as well.  My dilemma is not as intense as yours.  We are about the same height and weight but my dilemma is do I get the Seeve or RNY.   I am a diabetic which is why I am having the surgery.   I am not sure how I will manage but I am prepared to do what I need to do to lose the weight and keep it off.  I wish I could say you won't become an addict.  But I believe since you are so afraid of becoming one that you won't.   

I think you definitely need to speak to someone qualified to counsel you.  I am in Canada and we need to take classes and also see a Nurse, Dietician,  Exercise Instructor, Internist and a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist if needed.  We can't get surgery until they are confident we can do it.  Counseling will make all the difference in the world.  

Good luck. 

Jaq

wow, you really have a lot going on and a lot to deal with. I was worried too about transfer addiction, and I still am. The difference for me is that I'm aware of it, I'm watching for it, and I'm being dilligent. I am just 6.5 months post op, and struggling with my food addiction still. I have not "transferred" my addiction yet, and I don't know if I ever will transfer it. I fight against the food addicition on a daily basis. I'm still losing weight, and I feel like I'm winning the battle, but the struggle is still there.

You seem like you are pretty self aware, and that is a plus for you, because if you do decide to revise to RNY, you will have to watch for it. I feel like I will always at least be aware of it. I've decided that I won't fall into alcohol or drugs, I don't like alcohol that much, and I don't have access to drugs to start taking them. I worry more about tranferring to shopping and spending money, which is a bad habit if you aren't super rich, lol. I kinda think I may have a spending issue.

But I feel like I'm self aware and watching for things, so if I feel like things are getting out of control I can address it.

If you are not already addicted to drugs or booze, having surgery will not cause it.  I get my sweet fix from thick, creamy protein shakes.  I always loved milkshakes.  I also make my own ice cream from protein shakes.  I found recipes for sweets that work with my plan. 

It is good to be aware of the chance of addiction.  A few times I had to take narcotics and could not wait until I did not need them.

I am 67 now and strong,slim and loving life.  If I had to go back to being fat, I would not want to live.

Your story is long.  My feedback is short.  "I was diagnosed with diabetes 1 year ago," makes the decision a no-brainer.

Hopefully your surgeon will refer you to a counselor or psychologist for a pre-surgical psych evaluation. This is a good person with whom to discuss these concerns. The person I talked with found that I was a good candidate for the surgery (and yours probably will too), but also offered her services should I find myself struggling. My surgeon requires a follow up visit with the psychologist at least twice a year I suspect to help deal with issues like this.

As someone else mentioned, if you never pick up a narcotic or a bottle of alcohol, you can't develop the cross addiction.

So, why do we develop them? We are searching for something that makes us feel better. When we feel good about ourselves and our cir****tances, we don't need something outside of ourselves to do that. Gambling addiction is about the adrenalin rush that comes from with winning and then from losing. Some people can become addicted to what I call "Drama" and constantly start fights or make bad decisions causing constant crises in their lives. They are also addicted to adrenalin. You can become addicted to shopping and then there is hoarding... which has some anxiety disorder attached to it as well.

Using tools like support groups, counselors/psychologists, our doctors, etc and maintain vigilance toward unhealthy behaviors.

I have found that friends and family often will not be honest with us about our predelictions (unless it is something that bugs them). So, I find I have to rely on the rudeness of strangers at times to identify what may be a problem in my own behaviors.

In any case, focus on the food addiction for now. If you work towards identifying and overcoming the underlying issues... you won't NEED another addiction to make you feel better. You will just BE better.  

The short story of my rny success, my mother was a type 1 diabetic and she died at age 61, I was diagnosed as diabetic two years later, started researching rny and had surgery in 2005, walking out of the hospital off my diabetes meds with a second chance, one which I refuse to **** up and ever gain back an ounce.  I weigh less than 135 and have been in this range since I made goal 2.5 years after surgery.  I developed no addictions because I am a strong minded individual *****fuses to allow any thing to control me.  Part of second chance meant fix my out of my control life, I got married young to the wrong man and never completed my college degree.  I always felt my life was not mine.  So a year ago I decided to fix that too and start totally over once again and move to California and get married to someone I met along the way. You control your destiny, you control your future, make it the best and brightest and avoid the traps of addiction.  It can be done.  Good Luck.

This is from our wedding last year.

So pick a good addiction. Like exercise, walks in the park, or helping out at an animal shelter.

My new addictions are: a) shopping for gorgeous clothes at great prices, 2) "fixing" great tasting recipes to be dietically correct but still great tasting and 3) exercise.