Lack of Support

  I doubt im the only one that experienced this but I'm just so frustrated right now. Did anybody else have issues with their friends completely dropping them once their new lifestyle after surgery didn't fit it in with the old lifestyle you shared with them. I was invited to go do something with the girls this week,  and as soon as going out to eat was involved they basically just told me not to come. So three days ago I was in the plan of doing what we were going to do and now all of a sudden they change the plan and because my dietary restrictions won't let me adapt to the new plan they just dropped me.  Now I know this makes them seem like they're the worst people in the world but up until now they've always been my main supporters. After this I don't know who is my support system anymore.  I'm not really looking for any advice on this because I know how I feel one way or another, but support from people who've gone through this as well to make me feel like I'm not the only one would be great. 

I can go to a restaurant or party, enjoy the company of others and spend the time sipping a large glass of ice water. 

But it took me a while to learn that others were not going to change because I had surgery.  At first I did not want to be in places where I had to watch others enjoy foods that I could not eat.  I lost some friendships because of that. 

Now I always have a plan.

I go through restaurant menus at home and find something that I can eat.  I don't complain about what I cannot eat.  I just enjoy what I can. 

You may have to stay away from this group until you are sure that you can handle the outings without compromising your post-op diet.  If you are adapting yourself to fit any situation and enjoying the journey, your friends will be eager to include you.

I also would figure out something I could have at almost any restaurant. I'd go, order something, and soon learned that I can move food around on my plate and make it look like I"ve eaten more than I have actually consumed.

Even more, I learned that nobody really cares what I eat. 

Friendships change, but your friends may (1) be uncomfortable with the unknown, (2) not understand that you won't be tortured by walking through the doors of a restaurant. Try to communicate that you'll be just fine....and my guess is that they'll welcome you  next time around. 

You're not even a month post-WLS, so many things may be more difficult now than they will be in the future.  Not everyone can understand or enjoy that a social activity is going for a walk.  They just don't seem to be able to be your support system - and that can be important to know. 

I had my surgery in 2004 and while all of my friends were supportive, they have ALL forgotten that my focus is no longer on food.  I struggle constantly because socially all they ever want to do is go out to dinner/lunch or have me to their house for carb filled dinners.  I have actually stopped attending, because I am tired of explaining/ reminding them that I CANNOT eat that MUCH because I don't want to and I CANNOT eat PASTA as a meal!

JA

I lost my main group of friends post op bc they were obsessed with the food and drinking ****tails everyday. However I made some great life long friends in the WLS community that have helped fill that void. 

It is possible that they are trying to not make you uncomfortable. Most people think that avoiding temptation is the best way to go. In  few weeks invite them out and let them see that it's ok. 

I went through this exact thing with my boys! I decided that I didn't drink, I didn't eat until comatose, I didn't smoke cigars anymore either. I was simply not a fit for the circle anymore. These were lifelong friends I'm talking here. I don't even call them anymore.

I come here for support, I walk my forest. I contemplate things much more deeply now. I've outgrown them, not the other way around. I'm evolving onto a better person than I could ever be before. Simply because I re-examined the way that I perceive energy(food).

I'm not going to tell you what you should do. It's cathartic for me to talk about this to others, so I do. Good luck on your journey.

Friendly suggestion to make OH your place to use for support in your WLS journey.  Not very often do I bring up WLS to friends and family.  When asked, my answers are brief and vague.  People ask out of politeness.  People ask out of nosiness.  I do not know many souls asking because they want to be vested in my long-term health status.   It takes time for everyone to adjust to change including friends.  Use this time to concentrate on yourself.  Cheers.

Friendships do change sometimes. I know I can eat pretty much anywhere. I just won't eat bread. 

This may sound odd. Do you talk about your surgery a lot with them? Sometimes I know myself I can talk about it so much and some people are like we really don't want to listen anymore. I listened to myself. I was like crap this is all I am talking about.

I have had people in my life who were my eating buddies.  So looking back I know they were not really my friends. 

Coming here for support is a good thing. We all know what it is like to be obese. There is a tons of people here to help for support. I have learned also that I have to be my own cheerleader. 

Sorry your friends did this to you .