Dont do it

There maybe a lot of fat in YOUR brain, but that is not what causes everyone else to need glasses.

Have you been to counselling?  It sounds like you could use it.  

At some point we all have to stop blaming everyone/everything else for our problems and own up to what we have caused.

Sorry for your troubles, I hope you are seeking mental health care because anxiety disorders are no joke.  It's unlikely wls caused an anxiety disorder but could of been part of the trigger.  I still for the life of me can't get why people drink, one glass of anything and I feel sick and miserable and never want another.  You need to forget about placing blame for your troubles and work on dealing with them.  Good luck.