I let myself down today, big time.

Hey OH! I'm feeling really down, and usually I'd probably eat some more to make myself feel better, but seeing as I've already done that, I'm not going to add more fuel to the fire, and gonna talk to you guys about it, as I'm interested to hear your thoughts. 

So I have my surgery on 2/5. As it is I don't have 2 full weeks of pre-op diet, but rather around 10 days. Yesterday went so well. I stuck to the shakes, and even came in under what I was allowed to have. Today however I probably had the worst day at work since I started substitute teaching. It was awful. I've never had to send kids up to the office, but this group of kids man...they made me break that record. 

Anyhow. I had my shake for breakfast, and shake for lunch, and drank 32 oz of water while I was at work. In the car on the way home I was still feeling upset, and all of the sudden the tiny twinge of hunger in my stomach was getting louder, and I went and messed up the good work I have done. I stopped by the drive-thru and ate a little under 1000 calories. First I felt nauseous, then I felt calm, and now I just feel so awful about myself. 

I feel like crying but I'm not going to. This surgery means so much to me and now I'm scared that I've messed it up. Seeing as I only have 7 days after today before my surgery I'm worried that I've somehow jeopardized my health. Do you guys think that I'll be ok with just 7 more days on my pre-op diet? I know y'all aren't doctors (for the most part) but what does your experience tell you. I'm also troubled because I know this isn't the last bad day I will every have, so I really need to work on finding another outlet. Any ideas?

Thanks for any words of wisdom/scolding you have to offer. 

My guess is that you'll be okay.  Get back on the plan and look forward to tomorrow.

No scolding but....reflect on what happened here. You were under tremendous stress, trying to change a lifetime's worth of habits, at the end of your rope...and what gave you comfort? That calm feeling? That was food. 

Food was your drug. It was your shot of whisky, your oxy under the tongue, your shot of heroin, your drag on a joint. 

It was exactly the same thing. You (we) are addicted to food. It's our solace, our escape, our feel good go to. 

And seeing it so crystal clear - the way that the drive through pulled you in, the way the food made you feel even when the stakes are so high - may be a jolting wake up call as you embark on all of this.

Ask yourself...

What will you do next time? (Yeah, they aren't going to close up all the drive thru when you have surgery. They didn't do it for me, anyway.)

Journal about it. 

And as for your real question, you will likely be fine if you're diligent for the days ahead. But really, really process this moment. You'll learn a lot. 

They closed my Chinese take out. I guess they couldn't survive without my business.

Potato chip companies were forced to apply for federal stimulus funds after I had surgery.

I love it.....

Many of us find a therapist to add to our weight loss team.  There will always be stress in your life.  You will have to find a way to cope without using food.  A therapist can guide you through the process and make suggestions to help.

I can't say whether or not your doctor will cancel surgery because of your drive thru stop.  If you were supposed to lose a certain amount of weight prior to surgery, and have not, he may cancel your surgery.  I've seen it happen many times before.  Get right back on the wagon and stay there.  I would tell my surgeon about the laps in judgement.  Being painfully honest with your surgeon and, even more important, yourself will be crucial for your success post-op.  I've seen too many people screw up and then make every excuse they can to justify bad behavior. They end up never getting the weight off or they have huge re-gain because they refuse to take responsibility for their own poor choices.  Keep it real!

You know.... it's O.K. to let yourself feel hungry.  You don't have to feed yourself at the first twinge of hunger.  Nothing bad will happen to you if you  feel a little hungry now and then.  Many of us have used the full feeling as an emotional crutch.  Full feels like comfort to us.  We have never really felt true hunger because we eat at the first sign of hunger.  Hunger is not an emergency requiring immediate attention.  Make yourself wait until your next scheduled meal time.  What's the worst that can happen?  Waiting may actually may force you to find a new way to deal with anxiety not using food. .

Obese people tend to have fatty and enlarged livers.  The pre-op fasting is to try to reduce the liver so that the surgeon can get it out of the way.  If they start on you and the liver is too enlarged they might close you up and postpone the surgery until the liver shrinks.

How enlarged your liver is varies from person to person.  You can contact your surgeon and let them know what happened and then let him make the call whether to go ahead with the 2/5 date or postpone until you can follow the pre-op diet.

There will always be stressful situations in life.  If you had done the drive-through meal right after surgery you might have gone back to surgery with your staples burst open.  The surgeon may want to change you from a laparoscopic surgery to an open surgery.  That reduces the danger of accidently cutting the liver during surgery.

Have you had psychological and nutritional counselling?  Do you understand what the post surgery lifestyle will entail and that using food as a stress reliever can jeopardize your health and your success with weight loss surgery?

People may tell you that they cheated on their pre-op diet and were fine.  But everyone is different and the smart thing to do is contact your surgeon and let that person make the decision based on your body and their knowledge.

Hunger is our way of coping with stress;  food intake releases serotonin, one of the most powerful sedatives known.  No wonder we like to eat.  It's entirely natural.

Next stress, instead of just going home, go to a riverside park (if you have one nearby) and walk for 30 minutes.  You'll be amazed at how that will help to destress yourself. No riverside park?  Go to any place you can walk safely, and try to make it around trees.

You are only human;  move past this and do better next time.  You've only got a week or so, so hang in there.

We've all been there - reset at the next meal, not the next morning.  This WAS your last bad day - seriously these students are not worth your future health.  1000 calories, while not great, is not the 2000-4000 we used to eat.

Find a way home that you do not pass a drive through - have someone pick you up - do not have money with you -  Have a bag of lettuce in your car - - WHATEVER it takes. 

Before surgery, when my surgeon told me he wanted me to lose some weight - I almost SCREAMED at him, Why bother, it will just come back?  Then I realized that was why I was having WLS -so it wouldn;t come back on.  That lightened my mood.  Through the pre-op diet torture, the promise of the surgery kept me making good(er) choices.  I kept thinking every pound that I took off before surgery was GONE FOR GOOD.  Every pound moved me closer to my goal.  This helped me rise above some pretty awful situations without eating.  I (only) lost 7 pounds in the 6 weeks before surgery, but they were GONE FOR GOOD.

I hope these ideas, or someone else's post, helps you make it though the next week.  Anything you learn during this time about delay, making better choices, etc, will have double the payout after surgery.