Hello friends:

Ever since I decided to have WLS, I've been eating treats every single day. I just ate some Dunkin Donuts. Over the weekend I had cake twice (2 slices each time). I have bipolar disorder so I'm prone to anxiety/obsession and I've just been obsessed with food. I live with my family and I'm hiding it from them; I eat in my car or at work. it's like I'm going for a "last hurrah" before I meet with the nutritionist on Jan 11. I'm scared I won't be able to stop eating. Anyway, looking for advice and just wanted to vent.

Thanks for reading,

cheremiste

Hello,

I can kind of understand the 'last hurrah' mindset, I view it as you think that food will be leaving your life forever. If you continue to view surgery as the end of something, then how can it be a new beginning? 

I love your honesty about your eating behaviors, it really is important that you're honest with yourself. But the change HAS to come from within first. You have to be SO desperate to change, that you're willing to do whatever you need to do to resist that food.

My nurse told me something (while I was recovering from my RNY) that shocked and scared me. She said " If you don't take this new lifestyle seriously, your life will be nothing but a series of complications, and hospital trips." The seriousness of everything suddenly hit home, and I've understood ever since.

I eat about 600-700 calories a day, and it's plenty for me. It's natural to be apprehensive about things we've yet to do. But, there are thousands of people here that are very good at this weight loss, maintenance, and lifestyle change. Give yourself a fair chance at this. 

And you're not hiding anything from your family. They can see the physical manifestation of your problem, they don't have to see you eating. The time for accountability is now beginning. To YOURSELF first. To those who care you next. Just know this, I've lost 110 pounds in just under 4 months, and It is WONDERFUL!!

GOOD LUCK on this new journey.

Hi!

I just want to tell you that I struggle with anxiety and food addiction too.

You are going to need a counselor and be prepared to cry...a LOT. And be ok with crying, yelling, and sometimes freaking out in general.

Pre-op, I really liked to eat food to a quantity in which I would get a warm happy sensation in my belly. It soothed me, it felt GOOD.

After RNY, that warm soothing sensation was GONE. IT never has returned. Worse, is that if I ate too much too fast, I would barf! So food was no longer there to be a comfort.

Two of the many reasons I succeeded after RNY is I got help for my anxiety and food addiction BEFORE surgery. Doing two hard things at once is super difficult (i.e. surgery + food addiction). IN my recovery, I needed to identify "distracting" or grounding behaviors. When upset and frustrated, I exercise for diversion. If I cant find the time to exercise/divert myself. I try to ground myself with meditation or recite the mantra "Everything I need is within me; Everything I need is within me; Everything I need is within me..."

I miss the warm cozy feeling food gave when it was friend...not fuel. But I dont miss the back pain, decreased cardiovascular function, and ill treatment from society that came with it (which produced even MORE anxiety).  I choose food to be fuel, I choose health and I pick me.

Dont pick D&D or cake anymore.

Get help. I KNOW there is such a stigma against mental health and "needing a psychologist". But there is also a stigma and a health detriment associated with being morbidly obese. YOU NEED TO PICK YOU.

A good counselor will not only listen to you, but they will ask thought provoking questions. My BEST counselor even gave me homework to do.

Good luck and I am here for you!

Thank you for your message. I do already see a psychiatrist (I'm medicated) and a counselor. We are working on this food issue together. I have books and workbooks I'm working through too.

But it is a compulsion. You know, I've earned 2 college degrees and hold a professional license. I've travelled to many places, I speak a couple of languages, I'm a published writer. Despite all that, food has been my main "problem" my whole life. It's time to get a handle on it.

I've started meditating a bit each day to relax. I also knit and use adult coloring books (they work!). I pray a lot.

You are the second person I know to have adult coloring books! I may give those a try.

And I hear you. We are accomplished smart people...so WHY do we turn to food and fixate on it so much?

Sometimes, I know what the correct answer is...but implementing it is such a damn struggle.

hello,

I know you're replying to SkinnyScientist, but I wanted to also say you're not alone.  I'm a fairly accomplished and educated individual, too, but these compulsions do not discriminate!  Just take this a day at a time, and face these issues.  It will be worth it in the end.  

Not that I'm anywhere near "the end".  

Not that this journey ever really "ends" at all! 

But there are some folks on here who manage to make it work, they are success stories and long-term veterans.  We can make it, too, if we work hard enough and really dig in.  

I hope you get to the point where you can stop hiding and live your truth.  It was humiliating for me at first, but now I can say it is an incredibly freeing feeling.

I love you!

Thank you, love you too SS!!

What worries me about your post is the hiding & eating. I think that speaks so much more then what you are actually eating. As a person who often did this pre WLS-- we're kidding ourselves if we think the results of all those secrets meals can't been seen in the extra pounds we carry.

If you are eating out of fear of missing these foods-- I'll say I've had cake, pie and candy. I'm alomst certain you'll enjoy these things again in one form or another post op.

If you eating in secret for fear of being admonished by family, etc-- then I'd encourage therapy to help you identify why you feel you need to hide.

FWIW, I had a food funeral-- and the things i ate I haven't had since-- so I think it was worth it :-)

It's pitiful really, how much I continue to fear the judgement of my family. They're not the monsters here. My mom was obsessed with diets and weight loss when I was a kid; she still is to an extent. She is a very good cook and baker but she'd always say "This crap is so bad for us". Mom was in charge of all the food. If she didn't feel hungry, we weren't allowed to eat (or if we did eat, we felt guilty about it. I mean myself and my sister). She was the type that would insist we could eat once in the morning around 11 am and not have to eat again till 7. She did this on vacations. I realize now that Mom had her own weight and food anxieties that she inherited from her mother and she was acting the only way she knew how.

My parents already know I hide and eat but I don't discuss it.