An Uncomfortable Hug

That mind set is so ingrained into society.  I hope you set him straight.  

Or bopped him on the side of the head. JK

my ex was like that - that is one of the reason he is ex... - he always blamed me for others actions towards me no matter how unwelcome and unprovoked they were. 

but.. as an office manager (I supervise lots of people including HR)  one way to approach that - specially since you are HR is to address that directly...

you may say "I know you did not mean anything wrong about that, but the hug you gave me, as nice as it was, made me rather uncomfortable... I am not really a hugger and I do need more personal space... As HR person I need to bring that to your attention so you can be aware that you attention can make someone wvery uncomfortable...  I hope you understand that this did not change how much I like or respect you, but please - no more hugging , OK? ".  

if you say that in private - the tension may be very temporary but you may not experience that in the future...plus you may be really helping that person so he would keep his hands to himself... 

putting that in writing may not be a good idea... leaves paper trail - unless that what you feel you need to do...

Oops. I'll try to make up for it by relaying to you my uncomfortable, but good hug:  I spotted one of my past doctors in the hallway of our local hospital who had encouraged WLS for me.  I stopped him in order to say thank you.  Being two hundred pounds lighter, it took a bit for him to comprehend it was really me.  Overcome by emotion, he gave me a giant bear-hug.  

Ok so the thing that stuck out the most for me was when you said this:

" I don't want it to seem like I've adopted an 'everyone wants me' attitude."

That's a self confidence issue and, frankly, you need to change that! Who cares if folks think that about you? You deserve respect and you should assert it. NOW having said that I don't know that you should make a huge deal out of this incident, but don't ever refrain from demanding respect because of how you think you will be perceived for it. That just leaves you disrespected and other people ignorant of how they inadvertently marginalize people. I know I had that happen once with someone getting too touchy feely and he just didn't know and profoundly appreciated me taking him aside and saying something lest he get a worse accusation leveled at him from someone not as kind.

So what should you do? I've no idea. What I would do is say something to him. If you would have done it pre-op, then you shouldn't hesitate to do it post-op. You deserve respect in and out of the workplace. But honestly, we teach others how to treat us. If you don't teach him that it's not ok to treat you that way, then how will he know?

No, it's not a confidence thing....it's more so an HR thing. I know how claims like this are viewed, how people talk and how it can effect a career.

I'm well respected in my job, even earning the respect of this hugger. I know drumming this up would do more damage than good career wise. 

For the record, I never asked what should I do... Was just tossing this out there to show WLS doesn't suddenly make things better, easier or less complicated.

I think if he does it again. I would pull him aside and tell him that it made you uncomfortable. I mean some people are very touchy feeley and they don't mean to do it. They forget themselves. 

"..some people are very touchy feely and they don't mean to do it."

hey.. stop talking about me behind my back...  But I will still hug you when I see you...

One of the biggest problems WLSers run into as a group is the belief that our problems will disappear after we lose a ton of weight. It just doesn't work that way, and it can be a real shock. A lot of people are struck with depression when that realization sets in. The suicide rate is higher for a while. Being aware of the problem can hopefully help.

In a similar vein, people often think their problems will go away if they had more money. Some problems go away when we make radical changes. But other problems start popping up to take their place. They aren't obese problems or skinny problems; rich problems or poor problems; male problems or female problems. They are just human problems. They'll always be there, one way or another.

You make a great point. But hugging someone under their coat is still creepy.

You said your pre-op self would have reacted differently. Is there something different about your job dynamics between now and when you were pre-op?

I dunno. I just call them like I see them. You know you so if you feel it's best to subject yourself to uncomfortable physical interactions for the sake of your career, I don't have much choice but to believe you.

Best of luck with that situation.