Hand sanitizer and chili

High-fiving your five squirts of hand sanitizer!  My ammo is Clorox w/ Bleach with a trigger handle.  Sometimes, I pump the trigger even when there's no particular temptation; it feels like therapy to dowse what was killing me.

That's awesome! I think that's what it was, I felt like I was taking control of my life again and it felt good! 

pre RNY i would throw food out and spray it with lysol or pour dish soap on it to prevent myself from eating any more. i look at back at that and feel sad about it. it took alot of therapy and practice to get to the point where i can just push food away, and not have it "call to me".

i'm still not 100% at it but most of the time (like 95%) i'm ok. that was part of my disordered eating, and i'm certainly not implying that it's the same for you. your post just brought up that memory for me. 

I just wanted to give you a virtual hug.  I understand your feelings -- and I am the same way.  I used to have to do these things, too -- and food was definitely my enemy.  It is now, too -- but it's getting better with a lot of work.  Anyhow, you aren't alone. 

Thank you! That's really sweet of you. 

I absolutely feel like I don't have control... Yet. I know this is a journey and I will get there eventually but in the mean time I will be carrying hand sanitizer lol. Good job for the self control! I can't wait to say the same thing 

My relationship with food has been the hardest part.  I mean, really really hard. For the first time in my whole life, I have started to have a healthy relationship with food and eating.  

I have come to realize that I am a food addict and I treat it as such.  A book that I would recommend is Food: the Good Girl's Drug: How to Stop Using Food to Control Your Feelings -- it's a good starting point to see if perhaps you may have some of the same issues and begin to work on them. It's definitely a process.  I got mine from the public library, but I put a link to Amazon as well.  

BOOK

I will definitely read that! I clean houses for a living and listen to books on my phone while I work. I WILL DOWNLOAD IT RIGHT NOW. Lol. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I hope that helps.