Breakthrough. Mushy, gushy emotional stuffs inside. Read at your own risk.

I feel so much better today. I had an awesome therapy session last night. My therapist helped me figure out what was really bothering me, mostly I talked and she gave the occasional suggestion, which helped me figure it out. Not only did I figure it out, but I fixed the problem. My grandmother and I have a strange relationship. I went for 10 years not talking to her because of a stupid, awkward fear. This summer when my grandfather passed away, I reconnected with her. She is 84 and frail, and the only grandparent I have left. After reconnecting with her, I missed a few of her calls to me, and I started feeling guilty for not calling her back right away. This leads to one of my big problems, total avoidance of stressful or awkward situations. I have 5 voice mail messages from her over the last few months that I have never even listened to, because I get so much anxiety thinking about picking up the phone and dealing with it. She has never done anything to me, other than love me, and maybe be a little too clingy when I was going through a hard time. So, after therapy last night, on the drive home, I called her. We both cried, I apologized and promised her that I would never stay away again. She's coming to my son's birthday party on Saturday, and I'm going to make a point to see her at least every other week.

I went through a lot of loss this year. The months of May and June were traumatic for me. One of my childhood friends committed suicide on Mother's Day. He was 42 years old. Then not two weeks later, my 35 year old cousin committed suicide. 3 days after her death, another cousin on the same side of the family had a heart attack and dropped dead at the age of 41. then a week later my grandfather died. Just within the last month or so, my mother has found out she has lung cancer at 61 years old.

On facebook yesterday I posted the pic of my weight loss, and my cousin commented on how happy I look. I thought about it, and this is what I've decided. This year has been so full of loss, and it's opened my eyes to exactly how fragile life can be. I am done wasting time, fat and unhealthy, and miserable. This is my time to change EVERYTHING. Not just with the surgery, and with the eating habits, but with my head and my heart. I refuse to waste what I have, and I vow to live up to the potential that is in me, even if it means a lot of hard work and sacrifice.

some people would say that depriving myself of food and the luxuries of life to be healthy would make me unhappy, but they are so wrong. The sacrifices are making me so much happier than I could ever have dreamed of. I still have problems, I've had 42 years of issues that I have to work through, but I am bound and determined to work on me, to be happy for me, to love my family and my friends like I have never loved them before because I couldn't even love myself.

I'm learning to love me, and it's wonderful.

I'm glad you're therapist was able to help you identify the baggage that was holding you back. Sometime we're dealing with so much it takes an outsider looking in to slow us down to make us realize its a lot, and its not normal to have to carry and process so much in so little time.

I've gone through therapy to work though Mommy issues. I'll say I felt a little sad when you and your g-mother talked & cried and agreed to move past the past; cause I know that will never get that with my mother.

I'd posted a question to another forum about 'what have you learned to love since WLS'. So many said they are learning to love themselves, I find that uplifting in a sense, and very sad in another sense. I'm glad I was able to work though my issues and learn to love me before WLS. But no matter when you are able to do it-- its a definitely a freeing feeling! 

It is a a big deal learning to yourself. Not an easy one. I am glad you are in therapy. I am heading to my appointment today. I am 48 and have had some major issues happen in life.

I am learning it is good to let yourself feel even if it hurts. 

I am sorry about your friend and cousin suicide is devastating.

I am glad you have a good therapist.  I have some unresolved relationship issues...like Peach Pie, I am learning to accept that some of these will never change, and that can be hard.  Understanding and accepting are good first steps--and continuing life steps I must reaffirm every day, to understand and accept the other person, while trying to change myself so it does not hurt me.  

LI hope things are better with your grandmother from now on.  And if you find yourself reverting to your old habits (relationship-wise), then take things at that moment and move back to the place you want to be...it can be a daily thing.

i was sorry to read about all your losses.  Really, crazy.  Best to you as you find health in spite of all that!

I am proud of you for going to therapy/counseling.  Lots of people don't confront their deep issues and it is extremely hard.  I am doing the same thing, and I'm learning a lot about how family has been a huge reason of why I am in this journey to begin with.  All I say to you is:  Remember, you are extremely lucky to have supportive family like your grandma.  My daddy died in January of 2014 to cancer, and my mom hasn't been the same since.  My whole childhood was funky but I didn't realize the impact that it all has had on me.  It really helps to keep going to counseling and confront what's inside us to make us better.  Good luck and I wish you all the best!

Therapy is hard work, but so worthwhile.  Be proud of yourself, Deanna.  God Bless You.

Great revelations and great plan...