To Tell or Not to Tell

I chose not to tell people at work (with the exception of 2 close friends at work-who I trusted would not talk). I told my family and close friends. The initial reason I didn't tell people at work was that I did not want people telling me all of the reasons I shouldn't have the surgery. I figured I would eventually tell them, but over time decided to keep it private. When they finally noticed I was losing weight (1 person noticed at 40 pounds, but most didn't until about 60 pounds were gone), I simply told them that I had been working hard. When they noticed I was eating differently, I simply said that I was eating high protein, low sugar, low fat, low carb in order to reduce my glucose level which was climbing into the diabetes danger zone. All true. Now I have started working out with a trainer too, so continuing to lose weight is a natural progression. I am glad that I kept it under wraps at work. One thing I would do differently...not say how much I have lost so far. I am going to answer that with a vague response in the future. Don't be embarrassed about having the RNY. Your health is important and this is a tool that will help you improve your health. I always thought I could lose the weight and keep it off myself, but I could not. I wish I had done this years ago. I have only lost a little over half my excess weight so far, but I am confident that having the surgery will allow me to reach my goal. Good luck.

Since you are older and live in an active older community, if you do not tell anyone they will probably think you are dying of cancer. It is your decision to tell or not to tell but just be aware that people will be talking one way or another.

I told most people, but I was very selective about how much more than that I shared. I did not talk about my surgery (a lot of people seem to do that and no one really cares) or answer every single nosey question people asked. When people asked how much I lost, I would say "A lot" and when they started asking other things I would give them my surgeon's info in case they were interested (that usually shut up the nosey ones since I was insinuating they needed surgery).

Comments and questions faded away at about two years out. I am approaching my 3rd surgiversary celebrating a 200 pound loss. This morning a church lady asked me, "have you lost weight?" Keeping your post in mind, I answered her with a simple "yes." She waited for more but got nothing more than the understatement of the century.

I would not tell the people that do not need to know pre-op. Then when you start losing, I would tell them. Rather matter-of-factly. Yeah, I had weight loss surgery. Best decision for my health.

I added - the 25 plus years of dieting didn't work - it was time to try something effective.

Well the first thing I'd like to say is that you are doing a great thing for yourself and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Although the world doesn't yet embrace it, you have a disease. It's called obesity. Surgery is one treatment for it, and an effective one at that!

So let's go over some pro's and con's, keeping in mind that you are under NO obligation to tell anybody your personal business.

Pro's to sharing:

• People may surprise you by lending their support
• They can also cheer you on
• At the very least, they'll be able to see the real experience of someone who has had WLS and will come to know it's not the easy road and it's not cheating

The Con's

• People may not be supportive
• You can get naysayers
• If you allow their voices priority in your head, their negativity could impede your progress

So those are just a few points to think about. In the end it's up to you. But how much other people's thoughts and feelings affect your process is also ultimately up to you. You can choose to tell people and then choose not to have shame about it. You can choose to not consider their negativity (if there is any) and stay positive. You can choose to stand up and affirm that you are doing the very best thing for your health and that the opinions of others don't matter in that equation. That's not the easy road, but you do have that choice.

Good luck in whatever you choose!

Thank you Cleopatra and everybody else *****sponded to my question. Your experiences. advise and words of encouragement mean a lot to me. I think the responses I have received are remarkably consistent and confirm what I already felt. That is that outside of my family and close friends, nobody needs to know. I certainly don't need any negativity from people who know a lot less about the pros and cons of the procedure than I do. I'm doing this for my own long term health and I can't worry about whether others will approve or not. If they think I'm cheating, that is their problem and not mine.

I know a number people who have lost a lot of weight recently and other people are often commenting about how good they look. Now that I think about it, it's quite possible they had WLS too. So my plan is once the weight loss becomes obvious, to just tell people I'm dieting, which would be true, but to leave out the bit about the surgery. If I really trust and respect them and think the truth might be beneficial to them, I'll confide in them

Living in The Villages is a wonderful lifestyle. I encourage anybody who wants to have fun and be active once they hit 55+ to check it out. But being single and knowing lots of other single people, both male and female, I've learned does tend to be very gossipy. The truth will eventually come out. but I'm not going to worry about it.

Thanks for all the positive feedback.

Ok, so...I don't think the whole "just tell people I'm dieting" thing is your only option.

I mean it's up to you, but I guess I subscribe to a "do no harm" sort of philosophy. And I question whether not telling the truth would do more harm than good. Because in reality you aren't dieting alone. While the surgical process is not easy, it does make losing weight easiER and that's just a fact of life. You will lose weight more rapidly than most people who diet and exercise alone.

This doesn't seem like a big problem until you consider that the person asking you might be a person who is struggling with their weight OR knows someone who is. They are asking you because they see your success. If you tell them you are simply dieting and exercising, knowing they probably can't keep pace with your rate of losses, is that doing harm? I can't say but I tend to think that would be demoralizing if I worked my butt off and saw someone else seemingly doing the same things as me and getting WAY better results (because...honestly...I lost 100 lbs. in six months...that's a LOT of loss!)

So just think on that. I respect whatever you choose to do, but if someone asks you about it (and seems genuine about their curiosity) think about if there's more harm in telling the whole truth or withholding it.

That's my two cents.