Approaching 4th surgiversary, what I have learned (pt 3)... "The scale is my...

A few thoughts going through my head this week as I approach my 4th surgiversary on Oct. 24. So I have been tossing them out onto the forum the past couple of days. Your mileage may vary:

Thought for today:

When I first started this journey, at 340 pounds, my goal weight was 180. My doctor didn't set a goal (he's not the goal-setting type), I did. It was the weight I was in college, when I was busy and happy and athletic and looked pretty OK. So I got down to 180. I remember coming back from a vacation to Spain with the boyfriend and checking the scale and being so excited. Then I was like, OK, now what?

Then a few months later I was at around 160. That felt good too. Then several months after that, I started randomly losing again and got down to 145. I looked like a scarecrow. And nothing I did, or ate, seemed to make a difference. I could see my ribs. And my hip bones. And my rings kept falling off. With the benefit of hindsight, I suspect the 145 was due to my gall bladder starting to crap out, and the start of some lactose intolerance, but anyway...

I finally stopped weighing myself. It was too depressing to see the scale at 145, not as depressing as seeing it at 340 admittedly... but close.

I gradually got used to the new, too skinny, me. I was even proud of looking sick and thin.

Then about three years after my surgery, clothing that fit at 145 got a bit tight. I weighed myself again. I was 158. "Bounceback" had finally arrived. And all I can remember thinking as I sorted through clothing that didn't fit anymore was "dammit, now I'm fat." Totally messed up in the head, right? We are so psychologically screwed up from being big, that going from underweight to a good weight makes us upset. I am afraid I will never think of weight in a normal way ever again.

Now I usually wiggle between 155 and 160. I weigh about once a month to keep an eye on things. My clothes warn me when I am getting closer to 160, or too close to 150. I don't look too thin. I don't feel bad. And I try not to obsess about the scale. As long as I watch my carbs, eat plenty of good fat and protein, take my vitamins and ride my bike, my body now seems to take care of itself. And the gallbladder came out in May, which helped immeasurably!

And a digression: I never stalled. I hear a lot of people on this board talk like a stall is an inevitable thing. I lost fairly steadily up to the point where I stopped at 160. Then again, even at my heaviest I only weighed once a week, on Mondays, so if I did stop for a few days I probably wouldn't have noticed. My advice: stay away from the scale and do what you are supposed to do. The "dreaded stall" may be a reality for some, but it was a myth for me.

A Swiss mountain in 2014, weighing 155. I love my legs in this picture. I can't stop staring at them, even now. They are not beautiful, but they are to me.

Audrey

Thanks for your insight. I found what you say about being obese messing up our perspective permanently interesting. As I am reading your post, I can't wrap my head around a 5 pound weight gain causing your clothes to fit differently. (When your obese, it take a lot more weight gain/loss than 5 pounds to notice a difference in your clothing.) That'll be a tough mental adjustment (for me at least). And I can totally see myself saying 'damn, I'm fat again'. the minute I'm beyond the goal I get in my head.

Congrats on your success!

I know, right? 5 pounds meant nothing at 340. At 150, 5 pounds means the difference between my jeans fitting snuggly, and needing a belt! Then again, maybe it's just my body type... as I said, your mileage (or waistline in this case) may vary, lol.

Audrey

I'm glad this works for you Audrey. But it doesn't for me. I drift. I get swept along with the slightest of currents. I stop weighing and a day becomes a week, then a month, and a year. Clothing sizes, like denial, drift along with me.

I need the scale, but at the same time it doesn't make me crazy. I can weigh 4 or 5 pounds more tomorrow than today, and I know it isn't fat. But staying aware of trends is important.

It's a good example of people needing to figure out what works for them. The only real hard-and-fast rule is, don't eat too much.

I need the scale, but at the same time it doesn't make me crazy. I can weigh 4 or 5 pounds more tomorrow than today, and I know it isn't fat.

I think this is an important point too. A lot of people put up a freak-out post if the scale suddenly shows a gain. It's medically impossible to gain or lose 5 pounds of fat in a day... but try telling them it's jus****er weight, and they don't seem to believe you. I am glad you made this point :)

Audrey

I think this is the difference between an uninformed newbie and someone in maintenance. I put on 4lbs yesterday, but didn't freak out and will watch those 4lbs disappear, probably tomorrow. My pants didn't feel any different lol. I weigh almost every day.

It's not clear to me what you're trying to say. Do you disagree with aesposito? It's very easy/common to put on 4 pounds of body weight in a day, then lose it the next, as we've probably all experienced but the majority composition of that weight is most certainly not fat.

My current record is about 8 pounds. Peed like a racehorse the next day and was back to normal.

She's saying the same thing as you and me. At least, that's how I read it.

Oh okay! Apologies.

I totally agree with you, Grim. I believe the majority of us who have battled obesity who avoid the scale gain a ton back. I see that in my support groups. Many people who had surgery the same time as me live in a state of denial and have had significant regains. I will not be one of those people.