Post Op curiosities Please Help

OK so I am finally almost to the operating table. I have 8 days to go. As far as vitamins food and nutrition I have a pretty good handle on what to expect. Until I get below 180 I have a pretty good idea of what to expect as far as looks go. The things that I am worried about is that I will be able to be picked up. My boyfriend is strong and kind of a rough guy. Not in a bad violent way but he has no idea of what it is like to be sensual and soft. I am afraid of being picked up. Seeing as how this has never happened since I was a child I am curious is this a common fear? Has anyone else felt this way? How do you feel now? The other thing I am concerned about is sex. I have already stated the kind of guy that I am with. We have been together a long time and plan on being together forever. I know what it is like and how to have sex as a very large woman. When you are a smaller person there are different things that can be done such as positions and all. I used to have a high sex rive but now I am just feeling like I dont want to be bothered with it. This is due in part to the fact that I am preoccupied with losing the pre op required weight as well as the fact that I am about to have surgery that is going to alter my entire digestive system. Just not thinking about sex at all right now. But, ladies, what is it like? How long before you can even have sex after surgery? Does it hurt? I am more afraid of sex after this then I was after child birth. Please ladies any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated to calm my nerves. Needless to say this will be tomorrows topic of discussion with my therapist. Thanks in advance and everyone have a fantastic evening.

I'm not a lady, or even lady-like. So, for what it's worth:

I've never been picked up either. I never even considered it, so wasn't afeaid. It sounds like fun though, if someone wants to give it a try.

There is no waiting period after surgery, but they prefer you wait until after you've been discharged. It caused me a bit of pain, but only because the needle from the IV was still in my arm.

There's rwally nothing to be afraid of. See how things go, and if they don't feel right, stop. The same advice applies to pretty much everything in life.

If you can't wait until you are discharged, at least lock the hospital room door.

Sex is no different at a smaller size.

My dates normally don't try to pick me up. But it is fun if someone is strong enough to do that.

How about telling your boyfriend that you'd like to be picked up gently? Nothing like asking for what you want.

My doctor told me sex was OK as long as it was consensual; YMMV.

I don't fear being picked up, I fear unintentionally hurting someone that does try to pick me up. That being said my hubby has picked me up. I doubt the fear will ever go away that I may hurt him if he does... Old thoughts die hard.

Sex, I waited about 2 weeks. Sex itself hasn't changed, only improved. Mind you, I've likened my hubby's touch to him polishing silver, I often have to tell him to relax, be gentle etc. We guide or mates to what work for us. And I'm well to be more active during, since I don't get tired so easily.

I haven't been picked up physically since I was a young child - I have no memories of this, but there is photographic evidence!

Though I cannot relate to the fear itself you may be fearing change, or weakness, or something else. I hope you'll talk it out with your therapist or in a support group; just because I can't relate yet, doesn't mean you're alone in this.

As for sex, my surgeon advised I wait until after my 4 week checkup. I didn't. :-) No harm was done. I've lost 85+ pounds now and I will say, sex has changed - for the better! So has everything else of a physical nature! I'm healthier, I'm smaller, I feel great. Another 33 pounds to go and things will only get better, not just in bed but in every aspect of life. I was actually worried that my husband would not be as attracted to me as I got smaller; he's never known me even at the weight I'm at now. There is no problem in that department and my concerns were totally unfounded.

So relax about this and yes, talk it over with a therapist. Good luck to you!!

I had to read this twice. So you mean physically picked up as in off of your feet? I would not like that either. I suggest you say something like, "I don't like being picked up, I'm afraid of falling and hurting something" I would hope that would be enough. I don't like to be tickled. My BF knows this and respects it. If he ever tries to have a tickle fight, his groin area will be sorry.

yes picked up off of my feet and held. I have told him i am an adult and my feet are to remain on the ground. I think just like skaters or cheerleaders that takes a lot of trust in the person picking you up not to drop you or to do it in a manner that does not hurt. I am as afraid of that as some people are flying or of big dogs. I get terrible anxiety thinking of it. I am the first overweight person he has ever been with so he was used to skinny girls and young ones too since we have been together since our early 20's. Some people cant believe it when I say this and they are like it is so awesome to sit on your mans shoulders at a concert or something. I disagree I am good on the ground peeking through the crowd. And I just have this fear that at 160 he is going to scoop me up and I am going to hurt him somehow whether it be intentionally or unintentionally.

If he does something you don't like, knowing that you don't like it, then he's being an abusive asshole. Be prepared to tell him.

I get a vibe from your post that worries me. I was in an abusive relationship for many years and it wasn't physically abusive. Emotional abuse, for me was way worse, it ate away at my self esteem. If someone loves you, why would they do something that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable?

NOT picking you up is a no brainer. Rough sex, if you don't like it, is no fun, and again, a sign of abuse and control.

I agree with Kim. If someone purposely does something after you have told him NOT to because it makes you uncomfortable, it is disrespectful and definitely abusive.