My husband is obese, his bmi is 38, and he has a few comorbidities.  He’s not interested in getting weight loss surgery and his reasoning is that his bmi is not over 40.  He’s been struggling with his blood sugar for some time, and takes Lantus and Victoza, as well as oral meds.  His A1C is still over 8, so that will tell you about his eating habits.  I was hoping that my lifestyle change would encourage him to change as well, and I have seen some small changes, but nowhere what I wanted to see.

For the last year or so, he’s been having pain in his hands.  He works with his hands, since he’s a repair technician, so it’s important that he be able to use them.  His PCP referred him to a surgeon, because she couldn’t figure out what was bothering him.  He had the appointment on Monday, and he called me to tell me what the surgeon said.

All of his pain is diabetes related.  He’s possibly got permanent damage in his hands.  The surgeon told him to go paleo and gave him the name of a book to read. Primal Body, Primal Mind. 

He’s reading the book now, and says he’s serious about making this change.  I’m hoping he can stick to it, but he’s admitted to me repeatedly that he’s an emotional eater.  I came home from work the other day and saw him sitting and eating two small bags of Lay’s potato chips.  The chips that we buy for my son’s lunch bag.  I asked him why he was eating them, and he tried to give me an excuse that he hadn’t started the diet until he finished reading the book.  When I gave him “the look” he tried to back pedal and give me the excuse that he doesn’t want to waste the chips.  I reminded him that the chips were for the kids’ lunch and that they wouldn’t be wasted.

I’m nervous that he’s going to backslide.  He told me that he wants me to be hard on him, and I plan on it, but I honestly don’t want to be his food babysitter.  Plus he travels so much he’ll be able to eat what he wants when he’s on the road. 

As nervous as I am about him not being able to stick to it, I’m actually glad that he finally has a real consequence for his bad habits.  In the past he always told me that he’d eat what he wants, because that is what his diabetes meds were for.  Now he’s realizing that it doesn’t really work that way.

If anyone has any advice how I can help him succeed, please feel free to give it.  I have a feeling that this is going to be a bumpy road ahead.

Honestly?  This is his problem.  There's no way you should be his food police - he's a grown man and he'll remind you of that every time you **** him off.  

Now he realizes the consequences, HE has to decide he wants do do something about it.  Maybe if he suffers a bit, hell decide to get WLS - he certainly qualifies weight wise.

While I was waiting for the WLS, I had to go to 3 diabetic classes and meet with the NUT.  I had asked Wanda, our WLS seminar nurse whether I should attend the diabetic classes.  Her answer was, "yes".  I thought it would be a waste of my time.  But what I did learn was that I lost the freedom to eat what I want to eat.  I must either eat like a diabetic (which is somewhat similar to WLS patients) or stay on plan for my low carb/high protein diet for WLS.  The choice was taken out of my hands.  There was no going back.  It is far easier to diet with the WLS and the fear of overeating, than to rely on my own behavior to change my eating habits.  To see the other 10 people talk about how their life was affected by diabiates and how some are on the pump, or taking insulin shots, I decided on the surgery.  My brother takes insulin shots and has a drop leg, he has to wear a boot.  He falls out of his tree blind when hunting, he can't walk through thick brush to get to his hunting blind.  He had the surgery, but he still has problems due to diabetes.  He goes for eye surgery every month, he is losing his vision.  His life is changing, and he can't go back. If your young husband doesn't make changes, he will lose his job. He may not be able to play with your baby.  I hope he see's the reality of his actions.

Deanna,

Deanna,

I have a different take:

Who bought the chips - yes they were for your son, but is it worth having them in the house??  Why enable your husband - if he wants the chips, let him go get them.  It might not be forever, but what is more important for your son - a bag of chips or a healthy father.  Find healthy snacks for everyone in the family.

Being hard on him will only strain your marriage. Even if he says he wants you to, it will only lead to resentment, dishonesty, frustration, etc.  You can help him by stocking the house with foods he can eat and getting rid of the temptations. The chips are not healthy for anyone, so maybe you can establish healthier habits for the whole family. But truly, who wants to take the role of the nag? I know you want to help, but he is ultimately the one who has to decide what his health is worth.

I agree about the diabetes classes. They may be a wake up call. Perhaps he would go with you. They were very helpful for me. I was able to keep my A1c down well with just diet. Unfortunately I filled in the calories with fat, etc. and did not loose weight. I can really relate with your husband and his eating. If my partner said anything to me, it would be wrong and did not go well. I

i still struggle with my beloved demon, food. 

I wonder if he would also attend WLS classes, prior to any commitment. The positive energy may be catching. 

Food still calls my name with a vengeance. The siren call of self distruction. The surgery has helped a great deal.... But it is not over. 

I wish there was an Alanon for our family members. My food addiction has sure had a negative effect in my family. 

He's attended the diabetes classes. We've been talking about it for the last few days and I'm starting to feel better about it for him. We all have our own journey. I think I feel kinda responsible for his eating habits because I am the primary cook in the house. Even since surgey I cook 90% of the meals.

I'm feeling better about the situation. Thanks everyone for your honest advice. It's been very helpful.

ok, he has neuropathic pain... there are some things you can do early in the process, and some doctors say it can be reversed...with very high B complex vitamin doses,(sublingual ones are absorbed more completely and not destroyed by gastric juices)There is a liquid one by spring valley that is about 5$ for a months supply, I use two droppers a day.... avoiding any genetically modified foods and chemicals...including artificial sweeteners. I use liquid stevia, by Now...a 8 oz bottle lasts about a year with me making jelly with it.and using it.. heavy on the fresh veggies and light on fruits... This is not a one day diet choice. It is a lifestyle change. Your husband will have to choose it. It will benefit the whole family to avoid the chemicals, we are exposed to enough poisons on accident, without choosing any...dh

It took 3 years, but my husband now controls his diabetes through diet, (high protein..no/low carbs). It took awhile but it happened.

Your husband MUST start exercising (even walking) to improve his insulin sensitivity.

The bad news is: my husbands feet still hurt (i.e. neuropathy). It will probably be with him forever.

:(

So far he's been pretty good. I have high hopes that this whole situation woke him up and makes him realize how serious this is.