My husband says he is supportive, but...

My first thought was how incredibly difficult it must be to have WLS while raising a family (I was an empty-nester).   My second thought was Jami1371 should convey a dramatic message saying something like, "my life depends on staying on track; therefore I am waging war with my finger on the trigger of a bottle of Lysol and I'm not afraid to use it on anything and everything brought into the house not on my list of acceptable food choices."  My last thought was, "hurting his feelings is low on the totem pole of WLS priorities."  

you don't think he is hurting HER feelings?

I'm not sure if you find my reply somehow defending DH---"hurting his feelings should get low priority" is quite the opposite.  You made a good point, though, feeling sabotaged would be a hurtful feeling to have about your support system. Hopefully, things will improve while all members of the family are adjusting to change.

Thanks everyone for all of the advice. It looks like not only do I have to lay it on the line that this is a life or death thing for me, but I also have to establish boundaries and make sure everyone follows them.

as I retread the sentence I can see that you meant that hurting his feelings was least important. Thx!

I totally understand your feelings.  I am just starting the process but my husband is very good at bringing junk into the house (as am I) and I have told him that soon that will all have to end and we just can't have it in the house anymore.  I know that if it's in the house I am going to eat it, there is just no way around that.  I love my husband and he is awesome but I am a little scared that he will still sneak treats in and I will find them.  I don't want to "force" him to diet forever but I need his support more than he realizes.

Jami,

Whatever you do don't let him bring home treats. My husband does that too and I have to throw them away. Otherwise I can't resist them. Good luck.

Robin

As a man, it may be a different perspective, but my wife and kids eat "sweets" and "sugar/processed goodies" all the time and it has ZERO affect on me. It doesn't bother me because I'm determined to do what's best for me as it relates to my WLS and the results I hope and expect to achieve. Everyone makes sure that I don't eat those items (even though there's no need), but its just not realistic of me to expect everyone else to not eat those enjoyable food items because of my food issues. However, the hardest work must come from you and think of this as practice, because no matter where you go, there will always be temptation and at home can provide the best opportunity for you to face your food demons. We express love through food, its part of our culture, so I wouldn't read too much into your husband's treats. Now if this is new behavior and he didn't do these things before your WLS, then and only then would I see this differently, just my two cents.

Your comment from a man's perspective reminds me of what my DH had to say when I asked him if he ever feels guilty eating off-limit food in front of me. He said, "nope, that's your problem, not mine."  I don't bother to ask him if he ever feels like he sabotages my best efforts.  He'd say, "you can do that just fine on your own."   

if you are married to him, you must know him intimately.  It should not be diffult to say and reinforce out loud that "I am trying to get healthy, if you love me and care about my healthy and long term vitality keep the junk out of my face".  We should both try eating healthier - kids too!

But the responsiblity to and for self starts and ends with you.  No one is going to stop eating what they like just because you can't control yourself to eat a normal portion of it.  You have to be strong.  Sorry.  It is like being with someone that is alcoholic and you've never abused alcohol in your life  yet you can't have nice glass of wine nor any alcohol whatsoever in front of them.

We have to decide to do for ourselves.  I've learned to love a salad when everyone else around me is eating big heavy meals.  My choice wins all the time.   For a decade, I've been having my to go container delivered when my food is served.  I put half away for another meal.  You can have a bite of someone's dessert instead of ordering your own.  You and your hubby can share meals - fun!!!  If you have a gathering or whatever at your place - make sure you telll your guest to make to go plates so that you are not stuck with a mess of food to finish.  Again for a decade people have been bringing stuff over to my place - I tell them to take whatever is left when they leave.  I know I have the compusivity to eat it if I have it.

You will be fine and you will grow strong enough to allow you hubby and family to have goodies and not be upset.  Temptation is weird.  I am always going to want a brownie but we grow especially if you are more and more mindful.

Best,

Layla