Embarassed

 I am almost 2yrs out and I lost a total of 70lbs and have gained almost 20 back. I have every emotion going on rt now, I know that this is my own journey and I cannot compare myself. I come on here and most everyone seems all hunky dory, Really??? Im not trying to be negative nancy and maybe I am making excuses but how how do you do it? How do you fight the temptations chips, crackers, doughnuts, all that stuff? I am a mom of 3 all older but am a mom and cook still for them and I have a husband as well ( not the best support by the way). Im just at a loss and don't know where to turn. I don't want to be one of those stats!!

It is not easy fighting temptation. I go to therapy two times a month sometimes more. Trust me life is not honky dory. I have stress like everyone does. Life is not always easy.

I cook what I eat. if they want something else they can cook it. I also make them hide the foods that are trigger foods. We have to be our own cheerleader sometimes. I have a great husband but he works and sometimes it is like I am not even in the same room when he has a lot going on at work. You have to do this for yourself. No one wants to be a failure. 

I can't have chips in the house or crackers. If I do I will eat them. Daily and even sometimes every meal I have to plan. So clean the crap out of your house or have your kids do it. 

 I am a food addict and I am not ashamed to say it. I really have to work to not eat crap. 

Not everyone needs therapy but sometimes it does help and teach other coping skills. 

Remember you are worth it. You worked hard to get the surgery and think why you did it. Write a list of things you want to do with your life that you could not do when you were MO.

Best wises to you.

The only way I've ever been able to fight temptation is by just getting in the habit of doing it. If it's your norm to avoid certain things, you don't have to think about it and make a conscious decision every time. I've never found a magic willpower bullet; it just takes practice and routine, and sometimes I do better than others.

I think you'll also find you're definitely not alone with regain and letting old eating habits slip back in. It's par for the course, and as a fresh post-op, it's one of the things I'm most scared of!

Nothing to be embarrassed about.  Your body heals from surgery and gains weight again.  Twenty pounds of bounce back is pretty normal.

If you want to lose that twenty pounds you have to reduce calories. 

Tracy, you are at a critical juncture in the "lifetime" of your RNY. Temptation returns (remember when we said we would "never" eat "that" food again?). Absorption of calories returns as our bodies adjust. And that is a deadly combination.

To top it off, we have all those emotions to deal with as we face regain. Now, facing the regain is hugely important - but now, it is fraught with feelings of deep shame, guilt, failure, and fear. 

But you are doing the 110% RIGHT thing by facing it in spite of those things. The truth is, losing the regain is very, very slow. Laborious even. But it CAN be done and you CAN do this. And look at tit this way - you have less than 20 lbs to lose as compared to when you began the surgery process. It may be slow, but it's still manageable.

I have had to walk this road and the "how" is nothing newsworthy - you KNOW what to do.

Protein first. Always.

Then complex carbs - veggies. 

A little fruit if there is room.

For  now, pass on the refined carbs such as breads and starches. 

No sweets. 

Drink all your water and take all your vitamins. 

Log your food. All of it - good, bad, ugly. 

As for what to feed your family - purge the house of junk. I'm gong out on a limb here - you love those children, right? Then why would you want to feed them crap? Of course they may want or deserve a little treat every so often, but let dad take them out. At home - you steer the ship of meal prep. Let dessert be fruit, sugar free gelatin concoctions, etc. - and not every day at that. Don't even let a chip or a doughnut come near. You've got to be brutally pure on this point. The reason I gained close to 40 lbs back was that my mom spent a winter with us in Florida. And we bought treats "for mom." Yeah, right. Who am I fooling?

Exercise helps too, if you can get out and walk a bit or take advantage of nice weather to play outdoors with the kids. 

Oh yes, and regarding being "older." That, my dear, is BS. I'm 60 and had my surgery at 53. Any questions?

In a nutshell - get tough. Toss the garbage and don't buy it again. Do what your doc taught you to do. You'll find your way again - and even if you continue to struggle, please come back here and let us support you. 

Hi tracy71,

I'm just 5 weeks post op, but I can tell this is going to be a long, arduous journey.  If it was easy, everyone would be a healthy weight all the time, you know?

I fix all of my own food right now while at home.  At work, if I order in, I throw out most of it.  Food for me is very, very much about emotional comfort, and that's incredibly hard for me to let go of.  I use weekly therapy and meditation to help.

I also have a personal goal that's really driving me. I'm (secretly) saving money to leave an abusive husband, and the only way to become physically independent and financially ready to leave is to take the subway (avoiding cabs), working out and reminding myself that the fitter I am, the farther away I can be from him. 

What spurred you on when you first got the surgery?  Can you come up with some kind of mantra?  *hugs*  And as someone has said, weight regain is quite often a part of the experience. You just have to buckle up-  You're already strong, so I know you can do it.  

Rinse and repeat,

-LB

Hi LB:

I hope you are putting your safety as number one priority. It saddens me to hear your relationship is so difficult. I imagine having enough money put aside will be empowering. I am glad you are building your kindness to yourself. 

Thank you, AnneL- *hugs* 

I am new to having this tool and I am grateful that today, I am fearful of dumping. I have not tested this and hope I don't. I was in an eating disorder program years ago when insurance was still paying for such services. I was pretty successful in my definition of abstinence for quite awhile. I will need to really consider thedefinition in this new world. In the past, it was like a switch was pulled in my head and I was able to 'mindfully' eat. Was successful for years, but then something pulled the switch again and I relapsed and stayed  in the addiction for 25 years. I have read many comments on this forum with folks identifying their struggles with food and receiving wonderful support. I know I am best at twisting my thinking to justify all kinds of unhealthy decisions. I am beginning to recognize more clearly that this surgery will not end my food addiction, but is a pretty good weapon if I choose to use it. If I want to get and stay healthy.. It will be for my lifetime. 

Interesting tidbit, I do not like the feeling of being full at this point. Quite a treat to really try to stay away from that. 

By the way, I have read some really good comments on the forum about steps to get back on track, but you are likely familiar with this.

Best to you. 

So many people say getting the surgery is taking the easy way. Well we know that's just not true. I have been at goal for just over a year and am really vigilant. With eight grandkids four grown children with spouse's that's a lot of birthdays and holiday temptations. I know if I have a bite of cake I could find myself in a downward spiral or should I say upward. The longer I don't eat those kinds of foods the less tempting they are. You have come this far you want to get back on track and lose the 20 pounds before they become 30 etc. You can do this. I was 62 at surgery and maintain now just having turned 65. Come here for support as often as needed. Look to see if there are any local support groups or if someone near you has had the surgery. Your surgeon's office might be able to pass your contact info to someone near you as they can't give you names directly. You know hipa.  I won u of wish you good luck but luck has nothing to do with it. Just my best wishes for your success.