OT - kinda

So, how do you all deal with fat shaming? My cousin posted  video on Facebook of a morbidly obese girl giving instructions on how to eat an Oreo. The nasty comments really pissed me off. 

My cousin loves me, we grew up very close, and she would never say an unkind word to me. 

I commented on the post asking her why she was making fun of fat people, she backpedaled and said it wasn't about the girls weight, but about how she was so into eating the cookies. I quoted her as saying " it doesn't look like she's missed many oreos". 

She still doesn't get it. She's been small her entire life and can not seem to understand how hurtful her words are. 

I didn't umfriend her, since she's close family, but I did unfollow her because I don't want that negativity in my life. 

Any word of wisdom on how to deal with something like this?

So, how do you all deal with fat shaming? My cousin posted  video on Facebook of a morbidly obese girl giving instructions on how to eat an Oreo. The nasty comments really pissed me off. 

My cousin loves me, we grew up very close, and she would never say an unkind word to me. 

I commented on the post asking her why she was making fun of fat people, she backpedaled and said it wasn't about the girls weight, but about how she was so into eating the cookies. I quoted her as saying " it doesn't look like she's missed many oreos". 

She still doesn't get it. She's been small her entire life and can not seem to understand how hurtful her words are. 

I didn't umfriend her, since she's close family, but I did unfollow her because I don't want that negativity in my life. 

Any word of wisdom on how to deal with something like this?

don't let those kind of people in your life,family or not.and yes,if she shames one fat person she IS shaming you by association.

I would just unsubscribe so you don't see her posts. She never saw you like that. If she loves you she would see you not your body. When people see my before pictures they are like I never thought you look like that. I said you see my heart not my body. 

What a beautiful thought. I love this!

I know this may not be a useful suggestion, but I personally just don't "do" Facebook. I used to back in college (when it first came out and it was only for college students!) and it has always been a source of drama. Family members fight with other family members, friends and family post things that offend others... I just don't deal with it.  Every now and then I have to login to click a link someone shared and always find it to be a big source of negativity.

There was also a study done (I don't have a link, sorry!) that showed browsing Facebook could contribute to feelings of depression.  This is because people are more prone to share updates about themselves in a majorly-positive light, so people on the other side of the computer are left feeling inadequate.  Of course, not true for all people, but for me continuing to see pictures of my friends with their new car/baby/husband/house/whatever made me wonder why I wasn't good enough to have those things.  Plus, thinking about it right now, I am not interested in seeing pictures of what people are eating! (LOL).

I think what you did was a good idea. Stay 'friended' with her as to not cause family drama, but don't look at what she's posting. :)

I'm with you Felicity!  I've never been on Facebook and don't plan on it.  All the people I want to be in contact with, I am in contact with.  

I have really slowed down looking at Facebook, too... mainly because I just don't have time for it anymore. Plus, I found myself getting irritated by stupid posts and people that share WAY too much info! 

People "fat shame"... it's a fact of life that our society sees obese people as inferior. It's not right, but it is just the way it is. Just ignore it and realize that some people are just ignorant!

I think you handled it well. You pointed out how the post looked from your perspective, but you were not confrontational. And unfollowing is smart, if you think you'd have this feeling repeated. You can always send her a private message later to tell her that you understand she didn't mean for it to be hurtful, but explain why it was.

At my surgeons office we have a common waiting room for the weightloss office and an endochronolgy office. Last time I was there there was an elderly gentleman there with his wife. He started really loudly making fun of the large bench seats. There was a pre-op patient who was there, taking up a full bench herself, and I just wanted to reach out and hug her so hard for having to listen to it. 

In this case, the man was 85 years old (he told us that, too) and he was clearly not at a place in his life to be learning new life lessons about kindness, so I didn't choose to acknowledge it...but I have thought if it a lot this week, and wonder if I should have. 

Hi Deanna798,

Like others have said, I think you handled it perfectly.  *hugs*  I don't think she's aware of how it affects other people.  I hope that your response to her will open her eyes a bit to other people's feelings.

And to answer your question, I do not handle fat shaming well.  It triggers the daylights out of me and all I want to do is hide in a closet, cry, and eat an entire pizza.  Maybe TMI, but it's how I emotionally react.  In a social situation like FB, I would try to respond the way you did.  In a live social situation, I'd probably just turn around and walk away.

*blush*

Issues to work through,

-LB

Address it. Call it out. If you see something, say something.

The only way we can put a stop to fat-shaming, racism, homophobia, and other discrimination is to call it out when we see it and let people know it is not okay. The person who is discriminating should feel ashamed, not the other way around.