How to develop confidence in yourself

Here's one thing that many people don't realize.

Confidence is a habit. It's not something you become. So I'm very glad to see you say "DEVELOP confidence," because that's essentially what you have to do.

Now here's a few things we know (scientifically)

- Habits have to be intentionally practiced at first...habitually!

- It takes an average of 66 days to adopt any habit (notice that's an average, not a hard number...may take longer or shorter)

In my experience confidence is something that builds off of practice. You exhibit confidence, get a positive reaction, and you are a little bolder next time, and the next time, and the next time. What we tend not to realize is that we control about 95% of how others perceive us. If you perceive yourself as a bold/beautiful/strong/worthy/desireable/likeable person, others most likely will too. And if they don't they will operate off of the essential truth that you are even if they don't like you lol.

So here are some tips I practice:

1. Look in the mirror. A LOT. Just look at yourself. The more you look at yourself, the more your size and shape will normalize in your head. Eventually you'll begin to see yourself as you are instead of as you used to be.
2. Develop a positive affirmation. Say it at least three times a day plus whenever you are feeling less than confident. Mine comes from my late mom, who was extremely proud of our African heritage and taught me an affirmation to never forget the power of my origins. It goes, "You are the descendants of kings and queens and noble tribesmen. ONLY God is greater than you." This doesn't have to be yours (although feel free to borrow - it can be tweaked to your liking!) but positive affirmations begin your brain on the path to believing what you want to believe about yourself. The reverse is also true and we've seen that. When folks told us we were fat or ugly or didn't deserve this or that what did we do? We believed them! Change the messaging.
3. Work on becoming the person you want to say you are. Confidence is born of the knowledge that you are exactly who and what you say you are. You want to say you are fit? You better be exercising. You want to say you are a clean eater? Throw away the junk! You want to say you are happy. Do things that make you smile and laugh. Get where I'm going. The more you are the person you say you are, the more you become the person you want to be.

I hope that's helpful. I know I went all Dr. Phil on you but this is an area about which I am quite passionate!

I just love reading what you write.

Yes, You have so inspired me to get a positive affirmation going, I especially like "Only God is greater than you."  It reminds me of my faith, and my birth right.  Thanks for sharing!!