Failed, Terrified and Bewildered

Um....I would strongly recommend you DO tell your dietitian or doc what you did.

It's accountability.

If you try to keep secrets from the team that is paid and dedicated to help you, you might as well be hiding food in the dresser drawer or eating when no one can see you or doing all the other stuff we all did so well for so many years. Old patterns are hard to change. Secrecy is an old pattern. You now have a chance to break the pattern. Will they hold you accountable? Yes maybe. And it may sting. But it's important, IMO at least, to be brave and to be honest. 

And honey, we didn't begin to yell at you here. I've seen threads over the years that involved "yelling." And you got off mighty easy. If you need a good yelling at, we can bring it on. Just buckle your seatbelt if you ask for it. 

Today's question: What will you do the next time hubby eats a sandwich? Or makes toast? Or something smells good? (Which may just happen.)

Despite what some people have said about dire consequences of eating "real" food too early, the reason that you didn't have any issues was that your body didn't think it was a big deal, so it didn't make a fuss.  An increasing number of surgeons are forgoing the extended period of liquids and purees because they are finding that not only isn't it necessary, but that people have less trouble with solid food if they don't "baby" the pouch for weeks post-op.

Toast chews down to next to nothing if you chew it fully. So while I am NOT condoning eating buttered toast at ANY point post-op, let alone so very early out, it isn't a big deal in terms of your body being able to process it. I'm not sure in what ways you expected your body to give you "feedback" when you make poor choices. (If the toast had a lot of butter on it, the butter might have made you sick...)

There are LOTS of things that your body will allow you to eat that you shouldn't eat, even from the very beginning. Most of us can eat almost anything in reasonable amounts without getting sick. Only 30% of RNYers dump (and, to be honest, as completely horrible as dumping can be, some people still eat certain treats even though they know are likely to make them dump!). The surgery will not make good food choices for you.  

I think counseling is an excellent idea. It will help you understand why you ate the toast and, hopefully, give you a new level of self-awareness that will enable you to avoid a repeat in the future.  

Pouch size has been shown over and over again (along with sleeve size for VSGers) to NOT be a significant determinant of long term success. Even WLS type is much less of a determinant than the extent to which one changes the way they eat.  Take advantage of this time to really deal with the psychological components of your obesity and to establish new, healthy decision making processes when it comes to food.  Those two things determine long term success more than anything else.

Lora

I totally agree, since it was not bread but dried up i.e. toasted bread you chewed it and it basically dissolved.  Wanna have real fun try it again with un-toasted bread and you might get that nasty bodily feedback you were looking for, like a big glob of goo stuck in your stoma.  And I certainly hope no one saw you eat this otherwise I think you have a bigger problem with your support team.  No matter how much you screw up in the first year you will lose weight, what you learn about diet and nutrition and its effect on your health will determine long term success.  Personally I think the insurance should demand their money back if people fail surgery on their own volition, might make so many who fail way more accountable.  Don't be a bad statistic for rny and make good choices from now on.  Good Luck.

I have to say something - I do not understand your approach to this journey.  First you violate a very serious rule (thankfully you are ok) and then you say you will not tell your surgeon and nutritionist what you did.  You are going to lie to the people you entrust with your life?

Your doctor and nutrionist are there to help you.  You cannot lie to them.  Isn't that how you got here in the first place?  Lying to yourself, to your doctors, etc.  You need a wake up call.  

I am with Audrey. The surgery itself is not a cure all for behavior. Should you have been sick? Maybe. I am only about 9 days post op and I can tell you on day 4 I had no desire to eat in general and I have been terrified that I am going to screw up even when eating the things that I am supposed to be eating. I think getting into a group is a good thing. My doctor said that not all people will experience dumping or pain so you cannot use that as your only incentive to keep you in line. 

For me, the surgery is only one tool in my toolbox for being healthy. Changing your habits and behaviors is also going to be necessary. Why did you have the toast? Were you mindless in it or was it intentional? Either way, I am noticing that I am much more intentional about what I eat because I want to lose weight and be successful and eating bad things isn't going to get me there. 

Does that mean I will be perfect? No. But I am going to try so very hard to stay on target. 

Ok so you screwed up, it happens & yes you should be scared cuz screwing up this early can have some life threatening consequences. Let this be your wake up call. I don't know why you feel cheated, you just had surgery, nerves have been cut, you're still healing. That restriction won't kick in till you're much further out.

Therapy is a very good idea. A lot of people concentrate so hard on getting the surgery & getting the weight off, the mental part of it gets pushed to the side. GwenMo had posted a really good link from the Greatist site that listed a bunch of sites, apps, groups, etc, dedicated towards those who wanted to get therapy but couldn't afford a therapist. Maybe you can pm her, she still might have the link.

Lastly don't beat yourself up for screwing up, it happens, it might happen again. This is a lifestyle change, bad habits are hard to break. You'll be tempted numerous times to eat the wrong things, but it's up to you to find ways to stay on track. Learn from this. You can do it! Good luck to you!

First off Congrats on having the surgery.  Although it can be hard try to stay focus on the end results you are looking for.  I am 3 weeks post-op and I have slipped.  I brought my son and his friends some pizza and saw food and ate some.  I was 2 bites in and knew I would pay for it because I was sick, cramping and in pain for about 2 hours and the last hour I spent in the bathroom not sure whether to stand or sit.  I was trying to get to the ER but couldn't gather myself long enough to get there.  So you dodged a bullet.  Remember everyone is different but know that you can do this because it is the choice you thought about for at least 2 mths while going thru all the pre-op appts.  Try to come up with a plan on what to do when others are eating around you (I have a route 44 cup of ice from Sonic) it helps me a lot. My one 11oz protein drink that I have in the mornings keeps me full for 3-5 hrs if not all day most days.  So the Soni**** helps me to get the rest of my liquids because I am full but mouth is dry.  Keep your head up and stay connected when you can to see how others can help.     

To HisLady, I agree with most of your post.  I did not, and  have never thought the Surgery would do the work for me. I thought the surgery would give me feedback.  I knew the stomach was new, and the finesse of feeling full may be too soon.  But when I screwed up so bad, I thought I might have thrown up the food or something.  I have since learned, that my body will tell me nothing for about a month.  So, I have lost 50 pounds on Atkins's in anothr lifetime.  I lost 28 pounds pre-surgery.   But I have never seen in all the wonderful literature, that you need to be on a diet--by yourself for 2 months before the surgery tells you that you are full.  I have a family member who lost 130 pounds and has kept it off for 5 years.  He journals his food, and is active all day long during heavy yardwork.   So.....some people don't have a problem with their non-existent pre-surgery diet, and others can't seem to hold a drop of food after surgery.  But in MY case, all the weight loss, has been because of ME ONLY.

I accept all blame, but don't make assumptions about how I went into the surgery.   

I am at a total loss of words. I am so glad no one said, oh that's ok. I ...4 days, wow 

If you feel the need to bite something eat a SF popsicle. I had never eaten one before surgery but I found them to be a lifesaver after surgery. Cold refreshing and I could bite it.