The Wrong Support!

No one can shame us unless we allow them to do so.

Education for ALL. Emotions get under control when everybody is working for knowledge. Shaming is not healthy... a form of bullying... being concerned is different. People will react differently and even strange when they see you progressing and improving yourself. Group learning helps keep everyone involved.

Ask him not to. 

He has seen you struggle with food in the past and probably believes he is helping you be successful and being supportive.

Just flat out say "I know you are trying to be supportive but I need you to stop the following..."

Many family members, friends become self-appointed Food Police post WLS sometimes it's out of love & concern, sometimes it's a lack of education and understanding about post-op eating "you sure you can eat THAT?!" type comments. 

Taking him with you to support group meetings might help educate him on our post-op life.

Best to you!

Just to clarify...my husband has been SUPER supportive through this process.  I think, as some of you suggested, he has seen me go  through so much with my health that he wants to see me successful.  What works for him in terms of support, does not work for me.  I am not at a place in my Journey where tough love is going to help me! Thanks for your advice, and I do appreciate that some of you challenged my thinking is a positive way!

So he's being supportive, it's just not the type of support you want? What type of support DO you want?

If someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, they need to know it. Tell him how it makes you feel ("I messages" are important here), he may not be aware.

It's entirely possible-- even likely-- that he is trying to make sure you succeed, even if it's coming from a place of not-totally-understanding. Eating something that is "not the best" (even in his estimation) is going to sabotage your weight loss efforts, especially early out when you're still forming habits.

"I appreciate that you're trying to help me succeed. But when you judge what I'm eating, it makes me feel anxious. Here's a list from my doctor of what I SHOULD be eating; if you want to help me stay on track with medical instructions, I would appreciate it, but otherwise please trust that I can take care of myself."

Awesome reply, Julie.  Now I don't have to, LOL. 

Lora

You're not going to like what I have to say, but you need to listen.  You are what 7-8 weeks out and on another thread you stated you had tried sweets and will wait a little while longer until you try raw veggies and fried foods. 

Why are you even thinking about sweets or fried foods?  Do you think that you and everyone else on here got obese by eating veggies?  NO not even close.    It was because we all loved to eat everything and large quantities of it.  So don't worry about raw veggies right now, or sweets, or fried foods, or any other crap that isn't protein forward. 

Your husband may not have the best tactics in supporting you, but he is trying to help you see that you are ******g up.  If you are trying food that may not be the best choice then why are you doing it? 

Did you not get a plan from your doctor or nutritionist?  If your having issues finding protein foods then take a look at the "what are you eating" threads.  Tons of great stuff. 

One other thing MEASURE out everything that goes in your mouth. 

It may also be best if you seek out a therapist to help you with the issues you are dealing with.

It's not cool to delete posts.  Stand by what you say or don't say it.  

We can read between the lines that you are struggling with lots of issues - hormone dumping post-op is real and makes some of us hyper sensitive.  I'd like to support you if I can but you make  that hard when you delete what you say after the fact.  I don't feel anything Chili said came from any other place than from someone who has BTDT and is trying to offer her perspective and support.  But I am only seeing a one sided convo here so who know's?

No one likes the food police.  I had to ask my husband (not during the heat of the moment but after) to not comment on my post-op eating.  I just asked him to support me and gave him very specific ways that I could accept that support but I told him that comments on my food intake etc. made me very defensive and that I couldn't deal with it in any way.  I hope you can have an honest conversation with your husband and tell him how best he can support you through each phase of your journey.

Good luck!