The Wrong Support!

DanaDenise
on 7/21/15 12:09 pm

Does anyone else have trouble with people trying to be supportive, but doing and saying things that undermine your progress?  My husband constantly tries to police my eating which makes me eat more!  He has always thought shaming my eating habits would help me. Every time I try a food that may not be the best he gives me the "look" or tells me how worried he is about me.  I've been telling him for years that it just makes me hide when I eat or eat faster before he "catches" me.  I don't know how to convince him that this is not the support I need!  --Feeling so frustrated that I want to cry!

Citizen Kim
on 7/21/15 12:21 pm - Castle Rock, CO

I'd tell him to f**k off every time he did it, but maybe that's why I've been divorced twice!

Honestly, you need to tell him what you've told us ...

Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

Meggles07
on 7/21/15 12:40 pm, edited 7/22/15 9:04 am - Canada

NP

Patm
on 7/21/15 12:44 pm - Ontario, Canada
RNY on 01/20/12

As Kim mentioned you need to tell him to back off. If he continues suggest counseling. He sounds very controlling.

  

 

 

 

DanaDenise
on 7/22/15 8:51 am
Grim_Traveller
on 7/21/15 12:48 pm
RNY on 08/21/12

I agree with Kim. But you need to stop blaming other people for your eating. Lots of people will do lots of things that frustrate and anger you. But they aren't putting the food in your mouth, you are. 

No one can make you eat. Being in control of your own eating will feel so great and liberating.

6'3" tall, male.

Highest weight was 475. RNY on 08/21/12. Current weight: 198.

M1 -24; M2 -21; M3 -19; M4 -21; M5 -13; M6 -21; M7 -10; M8 -16; M9 -10; M10 -8; M11 -6; M12 -5.

boxtop2006
on 7/21/15 1:18 pm
RNY on 03/24/15

Just tell him flat out that yes you had surgery but YOU are still in control of the foods YOU choose to eat!  Shaming you will do nothing but **** you off and cause a fight so stop telling you what and how to eat and save the fights for something worth fighting over!  Then take control and responsibility of what you are eating and do what is right for you and YOUR health!  Good Luck!!





Consult: 235 Surgery: 209 Current: 158.5 Goal: 140     

    

    

    

Laura in Texas
on 7/21/15 1:18 pm

So you admit you are already not making the best choices and you are only 7 weeks out. I think your husband is wrong for being the food police, but why on earth are you already making bad choices at 7 weeks out?? Maybe he had to listen to you cry and complain over the years about your weight and he is thinking he is helping you. I assume he wants a happy, healthy wife. If your weight is making you miserable, I think in his man's way of thinking, he thinks he is helping you.

My advice to you is to tell him to back off and stop making bad choices.

Laura in Texas

53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)

RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis

brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco

"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."

DanaDenise
on 7/21/15 8:05 pm

I don't think I'm eating the wrong foods, but may be eating too much at one sitting.  I am not saying he is completely wrong, but that the type of help he is offering is counter productive.

DanaDenise
on 7/21/15 8:15 pm

I also think making some mistakes is part of the learning process...along with any learning process.  You can have all of the knowledge in the world, but have to make some of your own mistakes to really understand.  If knowing how to eat was the only answer, most of us wouldn't be in this position in the first place!

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