My RNY has been the best decision I have ever made for myself. I am down 80+ pounds and almost in ONEDERLAND. My husband hate my RNY and said he wish he never agreed to me getting it. He said he is almost ready to divorce me because he hate the attention I am getting. He said that it is only a matter of time before I cheat on him. I LOVE HIM with everything in me GOD knows I do. Yet I LOVE MYSELF MORE. I don't want to loose my husband but I am almost off blood pressure medication. I feel better all over. I know it sound selfish but I choose me. My heart is heavy now just needed to share.

{{{{{HUG}}}}} Yeah for you! This is for you! It is about yourself and getting healthy! Can't you husband understand that it is not all about how you look but how you feel and that you are healthy!! Tell him by getting healthy it means you will be here to love him longer. Tell him to take pride in having a smoking hot wife that is all his.

Sorry he is acting this way, but tell him to grow up and realize he is not losing you, he is getting a better you.  And if he doesn't treat you better, you won't leave him because you had weightloss surgery, you will leave him because he is being a jerk.  Tell him you love him and to smarten up.

Sounds like your hubby has control and confidence issues. He should see a therapist.  WHy does your getting healthy AND thin, have anything to do with cheating on him?  It isnt logical.

Keep taking care of YOUR physical and mental health.

Is hubby controlling and abusive in other ways?

This^^^ times a million. Your weight loss journey isn't about him, it is about a healthier you. If he is making it about him there is a bigger issue there. How insulting to you, that now that you are thinner you somehow can not be trusted to be faithful; and how sad that he thought the bigger you wasn't desirable enough to be able to cheat?

I think choosing to be healthy is the best choice, and it isn't selfish. Besides, its not like you can magically reverse the surgery anyway. Be proud of all that you have accomplished and keep it up. Ask him to maybe see counseling together. I hope the two of you can find away to be happy and healthy together, but if not, you keep taking care of yourself. Remember all the reason you decided to get healthy and focus on them. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for getting healthy.

"How insulting to you, that now that you are thinner you somehow can not be trusted to be faithful; "

Exactly!  Just because she is more appealing TO the world, doesnt mean she is going to become "of the world." SHe had WLS not a personality/brain/morality transplant.

Actually, it really doesn't sound selfi**** sounds like you have chosen to address some issues with food (or things that make you turn to food) and are dealing with them while using a fantastic tool. And I'm pround you say you choose you.

I suggest counseling for couples or just for him if you can get him to go. Just for you if he won't consider couples couseling. Therapy can help you deal with this type of thing. If you aren't already going that is.

I hate it when someone says something like this to someone who has lost weight. I go out on a limb and give them the benefit of the doubt and they don't realize what they are saying. "I married you because you were fat and undesirable and I knew no one would ever want you so you wouldn't cheat. It's how I choose to deal with my tremendous insecurity."

And that is what it is...insecurity. And it's his problem not yours.

Congratulations on your loss!

Congratulations to you!

As we focus on our own success I think sometimes we forget that this is an adjustment for those around us also. I use my daughter as an example she was not used to men hollering (how rude huh!? Even with my daughter!) and staring at me. It made her nervous and she would say things like I wish you were back to "normal". It was not until then did I realize (by then of course my relationship with her father failed) that yes this journey is about me and me getting healthy but others are innocent bystanders. Not only had my physical appearance changed but I changed in many other ways.  She being my daughter made me stop and think about my actions, and how they effected my loved ones, I was able to talk it out with her.  And I actually apologized to her father, I think his attitude was a lack of his skills in communication and me not being aware.  It is all new territory for all of us.

I am remarried now happily and my current husband only knows me smaller but he still struggles with the same thing when men pay me too much attention. But now I invest time into making him feel loved, beyond telling him I show him.  For example when we are out and I know someone is paying me too much attention, I go and show my husband attention so he knows no matter what that weirdo wants from me all I want is him. It has help tremendously.  I as his opinion on my outfits (even if I don't care) and make sure I wear his favorite color. And you know what he complements me more and I am learning to take it and say "thank you, I love you" which was always really hard for me.  I do things like make sure we are walking together (holding hands or not) and I am not walking in front of him.

After I took responsibility for some of what went wrong in my ex's and I's relationship that changed for the better also. Now I don't know anything about you and your husband, and how your relationship works but it sounds like he is just scared.  You have probably changed/grown so much so quickly he doesn't know how to express his nervousness about it. I would say if the love and respect is there to talk it out. 

Good luck and keep up the good work!!!

I will hold a space that he relaxes and realizes the one-derful you is still present.

I'm so sorry that your husband is so insecure with your relationship.  Hopefully you two can work it out through counselling.  

I'm hoping this same thing doesn't happen to me. My husband is scared.  His BMI is in the high 30's.  He told me he's afraid that he can't be supportive since he knows how he eats is bad. His heart is with me, but he's not willing to make the sacrifices.  The only thing that makes me feel better is that I am the cook primary for our household.  I can control what we eat, and he's okay with that.  He'll just have to do his overeating and junk food when he's on the road for work.

I haven't had surgery yet, so I don't know how he's going to react to having a skinny wife.  Hopefully it will be with excitement, not with insecurity and jealousy.