How do you deal with 'Skinny Shaming'?

I am almost to goal - another 17lbs - to be a normal BMI.  This is the goal my surgeon and I discussed before surgery understanding that I would most likely go up a little and then steady out.  My question is this - I went to a shower for my ex-husbands niece this past weekend.  Two of my ex sister in laws (who always gave me unwanted advice on how I should lose my weight over the years) approached me to tell me I looked way to skinny.  This was a few seconds after arriving to the shower.  One of them kept going on and on about how she was concerned for me and people around us even started to look and listen.  I have not told my ex family members about the surgery - I see them only on special occasions maybe once a year at that so I didn't think I needed to inform them.  

My questions is this - I feel good, keeping a goal I decided with my surgeon but still have about 17lbs to go.  I feel great and realize I am still in my honeymoon and that I need to level out and keep working on maintaining this but also don't want people asking me at parties if I have an eating disorder.  I am private and I don't think I need to tell people all about my surgery and choice either.  I am honest and say I am eating very low carb, watching my portions and moving more - all true.  If someone struggling with weight answers - I give them a more specific answer and tell them about my experience IF they want to hear more about it.  

I know these are people who aren't there for me but want to lecture and gossip - any suggestions from the pros on good ways to steer these conversations to a positive place?  

If you really don't want to talk about it, don't try to steer -- hit the brake. Trying to redirect questions will only get you more questions. Just firmly say that it is not a topic you will discuss.

I'm just going to sit back and wait for some replies... because I'm in the same boat as you.  I still have several family members (the gossipy, lecturey, nosey, non-supportive types) that I've chosen not to tell, and I know I'll run into the same thing at our next family function.  I'm dreading it.  My Mom is the only one that knows, and she's sworn to secrecy (bless her heart). 

It seems too rude to tell people I just don't want to discuss it.  And avoiding the questions just creates more intrigue and talk.  Not telling the "whole story" makes me feel uncomfortable and like a liar... so I'm still looking for the simplest solution.  

Good luck (to both of us!)

The simplest solution is to just tell them. They'll either hear it from someone else, or come to the conclusion on their own. 

Tell them. If you get negative feedback, cut them off short. But for the most part, people worry way too much about this. You might run into one or two asshats, but people are really pretty good with the news.

a nice way to tell them to \back off is to say:
"I know you mean well, and i do appreciate your concern, but I really don't feel HERE and NOW is a good time and place to talk about me. Let's concentrate on XYZ.. ok? " 

Smile and walk away...

A hearty "*******"?  

Seriously, I was pretty matter of fact about having surgery, and no one thought anything of it; or if they did, they kept it to themselves. Establish and enforce boundaries now with these people.  

I love the "*******" method! 

That was my experience as well.  I told people (most people not until after surgery) and no one said anything negative about it (even if they were thinking it).  At 45 years old, 5'3" tall, and 330+ pounds, I think everyone knew it was the right decision if I didn't want to die in 10-15 years!

Lora

Hi...I have had the same problem from people who know and those who don't, some family members and some "friends".  I reached a "normal"BMI about 3 months ago and my face is a bit gaunt, but I am so comfortable and relaxed...I wear a size 4/6 down from a 26, I run races with my grandaughter( she always wins), and I love my skinny jeans.....and this is what I do...

I say to people who say I am too skinny....I feel so relaxed and healthy and comfortable at this weight....and then I smile.  If they continue, I say that the doctor who has been supervising my weight loss is very pleased with my progress and I have been very lucky to have such a caring and knowledgeable doctor, I haven't been this healthy in years.....then with a smile, I say ( if appropriate )...would you like his contact details?  (  I tell people if they press me about how I lost all the weight that it was with the help of a NUT, doctor and trainer.....I am not lying, all this is true)

And if this doesn't work, I smile (this time with gritted teeth) and I turn around and walk away knowing that they are staring at my little tush seething...Too bad, their problem,

good luck....this is a problem that is not yours.  It is how you feel about yourself, healthy and strong.  That is what is most important!

joan

Sometimes you just need to set boundaries, assure them that both you and your MD agree, you are healthy and your weight is within the normal limits for your height and age.